.The Castro Family.

BIG first day

Today was Mckenna's first day of school, in Kinder- garten. I absolutely can't believe that she is starting school. It's been an emotional few weeks for me, to say the least, as I've contemplated this. But she had a wonderful first day and keeps asking if she can back every day! She definitely loved it.

I'm very grateful for Covenant Life School and know that this is the place the Lord has her right now in this season. It's a blessing knowing she will be so well cared for and taught, particularly since I'm not sure how much I would be able to do after the baby comes, if I homeschooled her. I'm grateful knowing her education this year is being well taken care of by amazing people!

Ready to go...

"wait, mom, I need to fix my hair band..."

dash to the car, so we won't be late!

Walking in on her first big day, with Daddy and Selah.

In the classroom...how I love my family.

10 months...

in the glories of heaven. I've been thinking about our little girl and grieving today as I've considered just how much she continues to be missed in our lives.

Comfort

The past two weeks have been full of activity...some good and some that have made my heart, once again, look to the Lord, who ordains all things. My sister and brother-in-law received some very hard news about a family member and this has added to their lives, once again, a new trial that has and will consume much of their lives for some time. Your prayers for them would be greatly appreciated. My heart is heavy and I find myself looking and thinking of ways to help ease what they are walking through. I have to rest in the truth that our Savior knows and will provide strength.

In the midst of that, my dear little niece entered the world. This week has been spent recovering physically from that all-nighter and also preparing to leave today for 4 nights with the family and some friends. We are heading to Hershey Park to camp for 2 nights and then up to Lancaster for an additional 2 nights with my mom. I am looking forward to this time to build memories for the girls and enjoy seeing them have a blast! Mark and Kel were supposed to come, but have had to cancel because of what they are walking through. But we will bring Keenan and Larsen and the girls are thrilled about that!

On top of all this, I have been scouring craigslist lately, looking for baby items. I have had to get rid of much of my previous baby items, as it was just too hard to hang on to them and use again. In fact, I happened across a few things a month or so ago, and tears just welled in my eyes. I knew then that it would probably be easiest to start fresh with this little one. My dear sister has served me in trying to sell much of my baby items or donate. I've even sold my whole nursery... furniture and all and am looking to buy a new "used" set. Call me crazy! Dave has been so gracious in letting me do all this. I'm trying to get as much done as possible before fall comes, as our schedule will be packed and full.

So, yes, it's been busy around here. But with all of this, I have experienced grace, for which I am thankful for!

We'll return from PA on Wednesday, the 26th ,and my mind will be very much be thinking about Alivia, who would have been 11 months that day. With all that is going on in my little world right now, the following quotes from Spurgeon ministered to me this morning. With sudden tragedy, like we have walked through, hanging on to the truth of God's providence and sovereignty has helped to bring needed comfort...He has indeed comforted our hearts. And it was this truth that I needed to hear this morning as I look ahead to the next week and also the next few months. I know the approaching weeks of the fall months will be hard. As I anticipate them, it's helpful to look back over this year and recount how faithful the Lord has been to me, to comfort, calm, and bring hope to my heart.

"Rest peacefully. All things are ordered by His wisdom, and 'precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints' (Ps. 116:15). No forces are outside of his control. God does not permit any foe to trespass on the domain of Providence. All things are ordained of God. Our deaths are under the special oversight of our exalted Lord and Savior. He Himself will guide us through the iron gate of death. Let us rejoice that in life and in death we are in the Lord's hands." - CHS

"As a pilgrim in Canaan, you have passed through the Red Sea, where you once feared you would drown, and the bitter waters were made sweet with God's presence. You fought the Amalekite. You made it through the terrible wilderness, passing by the fiery serpents, and you have been kept alive. As the clear shining comes after rain, so shall peace succeed your trials. As the black clouds fly before that compelling power of the wind, the eternal God will make your grief fly before the energy of His grace. The smoking furnace of trouble will be followed by the bright lamp of consolation.

To say, 'My Father, God,' to put myself into His hand and feel that I am safe, to look up to Him, though it be with tears in my eyes, and feel that He loves me, and then to put my head on His bosom as the prodigal did and sob my griefs into my Father's heart, this is the death of grief and the life of all consolation. Jehovah is called the 'God of all comfort' (2 Cor. 1;3), and you will find Him so! He has been 'our help in ages past, and He is our hope for years to come.'

I bear testimony that you cannot go to Him and pour out your heart without finding a delightful comfort. When your friends cannot wipe away the tears, when your heart bursts with grief, pour out your heart before Him. Go to Him, and you will find that even here on earth God will wipe away all tears from your eyes." (Rev. 7:17). - CHS

Time is of the essence

A friend shared this quote with me recently and I was very provoked and freshly reminded how short this precious season is with my little ones. May I endeavor to honor God, enjoy them and make the most of it.

"Now is the time to get things done...wade in the water, sit in the sun, squish my toes in the mud by the door, explore the world in a boy just four. Now is the time to study books, flowers, snails, how a cloud looks; to ponder ‘up,’ where God sleeps nights, why mosquitoes take such big bites. Later there’ll be time to sew and clean, paint the hall that soft new green, to make new drapes, refinish the floor - Later on...when he’s not just four." -Irene Foster

More on Lily

So, as I mentioned before, little Lily Louise brought quite a story with her entrance into this world. We got a call in the middle of this past Saturday night, 2:21am to be exact. I answered the phone knowing it would be the Falciones. I asked, "is this it?" Expecting to hear a, "we're on our way to the hospital, I heard Joe say, "it was it!...I just delivered Lily on our bathroom floor." I was shocked and in about 20 minutes arrived over at their house, just as the ambulance got there.

Apparently, Charisa's usual contractions (which she had been experiencing for over a week previously) very quickly turned to intense and they were making preparations to leave for the hospital. However, after a quick shower, and a "Joe call the doctor and your mom," her water broke and Lily's head was starting to come out! Joe quickly called 911 and was talked through how to deliver this little girl.

I drove Joe's car behind the ambulance to the hospital and spent the day with them, as Charisa got settled and recovered in her room. Both she and Lily are doing great and are home now! What a story they have to tell!

Introducing...

>> Sunday, August 16, 2009 – Family

Lily Louise Falcione

My newest niece was born at 2am this morning, to two proud parents, Joe and Charisa. There is an amazing story behind the birth of this little one, but I've been up since 2:20am this morning and must go to bed. More to come tomorrow! For now, here is this beautiful little one...

Anniversary trip

Dave and I will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary next Monday, August 17th. It's hard to believe it's been 7 whole years! We celebrated a little early this year, going away for 2 nights this past week. We originally were going to go away for just Friday night, but the Lord blessed us with a wonderful deal and we were able to get away for both Thursday and Friday night.

We went to the Carrollton Inn, just 4 blocks away from the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. It was a wonderful Inn, the food was great, and we had an incredibly relaxing time. I told Dave that I don't think I have ever appreciated getting away as much as I did this time. This pregnancy has been a very challenging one in many ways, one of which is the physical toll it has had on me. So, just being able to relax, sit, read, talk with my husband, and not have any of the usual life demands on me was so refreshing. Kristen Snyder heroically took care of our girls the entire time we were gone. She did fun things with them, painted, colored, took them for ice cream and even cleaned and did laundry right before we returned - amazing girl! She never ceases to amaze us by her servant's heart and the way she cares for our family!!

We returned Saturday evening and then on Sunday I left again to take a planning retreat with my dear friend, Jenni. We had a wonderfully productive time, Sunday afternoon through Monday. I got many things thought through and planned out for the fall and winter. Thanks to my husband for releasing me on Sunday and to the Littrells for taking Selah and Michelle DeCarlo for taking Mckenna on Monday. You all served me so well! Here are a few pictures of Dave and my time away in Baltimore!

Our room looked like something out of Europe...very lush and extravagent!

We had a gas fireplace in our room, which Dave insisted on using for awhile, even though it was 90+ degrees outside!

We had a full spread each morning for breakfast. The food filled us up so much that we didn't need to eat for the rest of the day!

These 2 pictures were at the harbor. I had a hard time walking around, so we didn't walk too much, but it was a beautiful day on Friday and we sat at a cafe and got a drink and chatted.

Bedtime Wishes

Somehow a tradition was started around here that each night, after nighttime verses, prayers and kisses, our 3 and 5 year old will whisper in Daddy's ear their sincerest wishes.

I had to record and share Selah's because, for one it just keeps getting longer, and secondly it is so cute and humorous. Tonight after all the reading and prayers and kisses she said: "We eat treats and watch a movie and go to Mrs.Reynolds house and watch a movie and eat dinner and ride sharks and go to the park..."

I finally learned from Mckenna the other day that when Selah says "ride sharks" she means ride a dolphin...I guess they saw that on t.v. somewhere.

Little Mckenna has had the same mantra for at least a couple years: "We go to all the people's houses." I can only guess that she must really enjoy us bringing her along to visit friends.

-written by Dave

9 months

>> Monday, August 03, 2009 – Alivia, Spiritual, Trials

9 months ago yesterday, our little Alivia entered the presence of our Savior. What joy she must continue to experience. And I relish the thought that she will never ever again suffer, know pain, or experience the curse of sin that all of us still daily face. How my heart longs to hold her little body and see her once again. For now, she is safe in the arms of the One who continues to be our sovereign, loving and gracious Savior.

Baby boom

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

"The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them." Psalm 145:17-19

Our big announcement...

My sister, Kelly, on right: Due December 12th
Me, on left: Due December 19th

It will be a very full Christmas season! And we are giving thanks to God for his mercy and kindness. Even in the midst of rejoicing, our hearts are still grieving and missing little Alivia, who still stands in the forefront of our minds. No baby(s) will ever be able to replace her or take away the ache in our hearts that losing her has left. But the Lord has heard my cry for another little one, and I eagerly await to meet this little girl in a few months....as well as a new little nephew shortly before.

July 26

Yesterday I was remembering my little Alivia, who would have been 10 months old. My heart seems to be growing a little heavier as I am anticipating her upcoming birthday. Where has 10 months gone? So much has changed around here and yet so much seems to be just like when she was with us. We talk about our little one often and the girls frequently comment how much they miss her...we all miss her more than words can communicate. The pain is still sharp and I, more than ever, long for the day when I'll be with her in heaven.

Leaning on Jesus

Our time at my dads was wonderful (I hope to post more on that soon). However, since arriving home late Sunday night, my soul has been weary and my body exhausted. In my journal this morning I wrote,

"My heart is heavy this morning. I feel like I am carrying the weight of so much. I know I need to give this all to the Lord, who knows all, cares about it more than I do, can handle all these issues weighing on me and can even strengthen my weary and troubled soul. At times like this there is always a decision to make, "what will I do?" Will I continue to carry this myself, allow myself to be weighed down, lack joy and therefore inevitably be tempted today in multiple areas? OR will I give it to the Lord and because of all He is and can do, allow myself to walk in the joy of my salvation? What a battle this life is. Last night as I lay in bed I was ready to give up. I was feeling hopeless, downcast, angry, weary and exhausted with life's trials. This morning it was hard for me to rise from my bed. But I will turn to my Lord who is my only hope for me and the sin that resides in my heart. He alone can cure the weariness, frustration, and hopelessness I am experiencing."

Then, right after writing this, I read the following quote from Spurgeon. Tears welled in my eyes as I was reminded of my Savior and all He is and can do for me:

God feeds them. Luke 12:24

"The Lord has laid many burdens on me, and I sometimes grow weary. Then the Holy Spirit leads me to understand that I can do nothing by myself. All I have to be is God's obedient servant, His ready instrument, and then I can leave every care with Him. Then peace returns and my thoughts become free and vigorous. My soul throws its burdens aside; runs without weariness and walks without fainting.

I am sure, my dear fellow servant, that life will break you unless you learn the habit of leaning on Jesus. Do not be afraid to lean too much. There has never been a saint blamed for possessing too much faith. There has never been a child of God scolded by the Divine Father for having placed too implicit a reliance on His promise.

The Lord has said, 'As your days, so shall your strength be' (Deut. 33:25). He has promised, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you' (Heb. 13:5). He has told you 'consider the ravens,...which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them' (Luke 12:24). He has asked, 'Why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?' (Matt. 6:28-30).

Give your cares to Him who cares for the ravens and for flowers of the field. Rest assured that he will also care for you." - Spurgeon

May I lean hard on my Savior today, cast my burdens on Him and trust Him with the cares that threaten to break my soul. May I focus on my Savior's sacrifice for me and all He has accomplished at Calvary, so indeed I can rejoice in my salvation today.

We need Jesus

Last weekend and this week have been packed full of activity. Today we are leaving to go to my dads. The girls have been begging to go for weeks now, anticipating this trip. Of course, they still have not grasped the concept of time and Selah repeatedly has asked, "how come we are not going to Pop-pops now??? She was delighted to find out this morning the day has finally arrived. My sister and her kids will also be coming down and we'll be joined by Dave and Mark on Friday evening. My cousin Mike, his wife and 1 year-old son will also be there, so it will be a full house.

There have been many things on my heart these past few days...many requests that I have been lifting up to our Lord. I read the following quote by Spurgeon yesterday and it has helped to direct my prayers as I have sought to seek the Lord on a number of areas in our lives:

When You Pray. Luke 11:2

"When you pray, try to fully understand your trouble. It is a good idea to write it down and then come to the Lord. There is frequently too much indistinctness in our prayers. We really do not know what we are aiming at, and consequently we miss the mark. We have no clear idea what it is that we are seeking from the Lord. Therefore we do not get it.

If we really know our grief, our pain, our sin, and the plague of our hearts, we can go before the Lord and say, 'This is my trouble. Lord, I confess it to You with a broken heart and a contrite spirit.' Then it will not be long until the Lord in mercy will give us peace.

Dear troubled friend, there is no relief like prayer. If you are in despair, let me gently tell you that there is One who is ready to give you a full hearing, whatever your trouble. The Lord Jesus Christ already knows all your trouble. I do not know about it, I cannot tell all that you need. But I do know that all you want between here and heaven is stored up in Christ Jesus.

You need Jesus. And if you get Jesus, you never will have a want that is outside of Christ. You will never have a need that is not within the matchless circle of His unspeakable all-sufficiency.

Take Christ to your heart, and your fortune is made! When the Lord Jesus Christ is yours, you will have all that you need for time and eternity. May the Lord bless you for Jesus' sake." - Spurgeon

A table of provision

>> Friday, July 10, 2009 – Alivia, Spiritual, Trials

A dear friend sent this quote my way this afternoon...

"Sometimes the Lord brings us into the very heart of the wilderness,
just to prove to us how easily and how readily He can provide a table for us even there.
And when all other resources are exhausted, and all supply is cut off, and every spring of water is dried up,
Lo! He opens the eye of our faith to see what His heart of love has prepared.

Are you, dear reader, sitting down to weep like Hagar?
Or like Elijah, in the wilderness-desolate, weary, and exhausted?
Oh, see what appropriate and ample nourishment your God and Father has provided for you.

"Go your way, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart," for all this table of provision, is for you.
All the love that is in God's heart,
all the grace that is in the Savior's nature,
all the comfort that is in the Spirit's tenderness,
all are yours!

He is in all your salvation!
He is in all your mercies!
He is in all your trials!
He is in all your consolations,
And in all your afflictions!
What more can you want? What more do you desire?

A Father who loves you as the apple of His eye,
A full Savior to whom to go, moment by moment,
And a blessed indwelling, sanctifying, comforting Spirit,
to reveal all to you, and to give you Himself, as the "pledge of your inheritance,
until the redemption of the purchased possession." - Octavius Winslow

In the midst of loss and trial, how easy it is for me to focus on what has been taken, what I don't have, what has changed, and how hard things can be...yes, even now. What a great reminder, that the Lord allows me to be in this place to show me that even here, He is committed to providing my every need. The road we are on and what's ahead can almost seem overwhelming at times, YET He has and will continue to sustain us with His grace and with this table of provision that is all I could want or desire.

June Lily

This evening, Kel came to pick up little June. We thoroughly enjoyed having her and Dave said at dinner what we all were thinking...we will miss having her here. Mckenna prayed for our meal and said, "Thank you, Jesus, that we have June here and that she is here for 5 days." But afterwards, during dinner, Mckenna was sad to find out that 5 days were up. Dave also commented during dinner that June is such an angel baby (and that is the truth...I don't think she fussed or whined the whole time), to which Mckenna replied, "no, dad, she doesn't have wings!" I had to laugh!

Happy 4th of July!

8 months

>> Thursday, July 02, 2009 – Alivia, Family, Spiritual, Trials

Our little Alivia departed from us 8 months ago today. It's been a tear-filled day for me. So many emotions and thoughts have flooded my mind. I think particularly, in part, because a year ago I would have been in my 3rd trimester and the reality of Alivia's birthday drawing near is becoming very apparent to me. September seems to be coming very fast....and it's a month that already holds so many emotions for me.

The days seem to fly by, at times, and it's hard for me to believe she has been gone so long. Yet, on the other hand, my days seem to linger and I can wish that this year was past already.

Today I laid on my bed and tried to remember specific things about my little girl. It's hard when those memories of her seem to be fading. It's almost difficult for me to remember holding her, what she looked like and what life was like with her. How grateful I am for my pictures.

I can sometimes wrestle with feeling behind, in terms of where I would have liked to be in life right now. I would have preferred to almost be done having children, and looking forward to enjoying the feeling that others say you experience, when your family is complete. Instead I can feel behind and my body can seem too weak to bear many more children.

With this in mind, I read Psalm 127 just a few days ago. After I first read it, I remember thinking it odd that the Lord would chose to put 2 such random and different subjects into the same psalm. However, it then dawned on me how they seemed to be connected...

"Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

The Lord is the one building our house, our family. I am not in control of it, nor do I determine the details of it. I will labor in vain if I try. I need not be anxious about how many children I have, don't have or want...yes, children are a gift from the Lord, BUT He is the one in charge of the details of our children. When tempted to think that, "I should have three right now, this is how my life should be...I want to have my Alivia," may I endeavor to remember this Psalm and receive the comfort of knowing that there is a Sovereign One in charge of it all. And may I remind myself that Alivia was like an arrow in the hands of a warrior, accomplishing much with her little life that she was given. The Lord used and is using her life to teach our family so much. I still do want a "quiver full" of these precious gifts, even more so than before, but I realize, that the Lord is building our family and He is for our good!

Look who we get to have...

for the next 5 days! Little June is staying with us, while Mark and Kel are on a much needed and overdue getaway for their anniversary. We will be thoroughly enjoying our time having Juney. Mark and Kel, have an amazing and wonderful time!

June 26

Nine months ago, at this very time of day, Alivia entered the world and was with us for five very precious and short weeks.

So many thoughts crowd my mind today, amidst the craziness of life in loving and caring for my other two precious girls. Life would have been even more full, I'm sure, if Alivia were still here. But I seek to trust in the goodness, sovereignty, and love of our Savior to help me through the extra quietness, less messiness, and deep ache in my heart that the lack of her presence brings.

How appropriate that this week, the pink impatients that my sister planted for me on Mother's Day weekend this year, started to bloom...reminders of my little one.

Today, Psalm 23 has been on my mind, as I have recounted all the mighty ways my Savior has lead me these past nine months and cared for my soul... "Surely His goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Selah's Birthday

It's only taken me a couple of weeks to post this, but I wanted to recap some of the memorable events that took place for Selah's birthday. On her actual birthday, June 3rd, we took her to Krispy Kreme for breakfast. Dave came with us, since he works very close, and we all got to be together (I forgot my camera, so don't have any pictures of this). One cute thing that happened while there is worth mentioning...

As we walked in, an older gentleman came in behind us. He was smitten with the girls. He kept commenting about them and was engaging them in conversation. The girls were all too happy to announce Selah's birthday to him! We found out he was a grandfather of a good number of grandchildren. Once we sat down with our donuts, he kept waving at them from across the room. He was sitting, enjoying his morning paper with coffee and donut. As we got up to leave, and headed toward to door, Dave asked them if they could say good-bye to the nice man. The girls turned to wave and then Selah, as is often her tradition, yelled out, "hug, kiss!" She ran over wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a little kiss on his cheek. The kind man was so blessed and said, "I have tears in my eyes!" It was quite cute. We love Selah's affection for others.

That evening, Selah got to have her pick for dinner. And it was hot dogs, mac and cheese, and strawberries...typical kid's delight!

The strawberries were my favorite - they were so sweet.

After dinner, Selah opened her presents. By far, her favorite were the green froggy rain boots that she received. Mckenna has a pair of yellow ones, and the girls were always prone to argue over who got to wear them. Of course, they were huge on Selah and she wattled around in them. Anyway, now she has her own and both girls still love wearing them around. It could be a bright sunny day and you'll find the girls outside, up to their knees in rain boots!

On the Friday after her birthday, we had a small family party for her. Dave's parents, my mom and the Plunneckes attended, and that was enough to thrill her! She ran around with the boys and had a great time! Prior to Selah's party, if you asked her anything about her birthday, she would tell you that she wanted a pink butterfly cake. In fact, that is all she would say she wanted! So, of course, I tackled the making of this special cake. My mom had a cut-up cake book that had to be from the 60's that she let me borrow. I remember her making a cake for me when I was little from this book. All that to say, it turned out out fairly well and Selah loved her pink butterfly cake!

After cake, she opened a few presents. Both my mom and Dave's parents gave Selah "singing" princess cards. You open up the card and it plays a princess song. When Selah opened up the first one, she got the cutest grin on her face. Someone loved their gift and a picture says a thousand words...

I still can't believe my Selah Grace is 3 years old. She is such a delight to this family and we are continually giving thanks to God for her!

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

Dear Daddy,
I love you. I want you to watch movies with me every day when I am sick and crying. We can go out and have a date together. We can go and get a treat and we can give hugs and kisses and have a happy dad. Dad, we love you.

Love,
Mckenna

Dear Daddy,
I love to eat treats with you. I love to eat dinner and watch a movie. I want to tell you that I want to give you a hug. Let's go on a date. I love you soooo much!

Love,
Selah

Trust when I cannot see

Sweet truth for my soul this morning...

Left Alone. Daniel 10:13

"Are you depressed because of some illness or great trial? Then you have forgotten that God has already provided. While you are asking, 'Where can I find a friend?' or 'Who will come out to my rescue?', that friend is already there. While you are questioning, 'How can I get out of this dilemma?', God has already solved the problem. The riddle has been answered, the question explained. You are complaining about a difficulty that has already been resolved by the divine hand.

Some believers are totally surprised when God delivers them. Their faith is small, and they are surprised that God would use something simple. They say, 'How could it have happened? Why didn't I think of that? Why was the answer so close but I failed to see it? I was thirsty, and I cried to God for rain, while all the time there was this well bubbling up with water.'

If you are troubled, ask God to help you trust when you cannot see Him. Ask God to help you yield to His will. Ask that His will throw a shadow over your soul, and let that shadow be you will. May we learn to be content in any state (Phil. 4:11), for this is the best foundation for true happiness.

Oh for grace to feel that if we do not know when God will deliver us, then it is none of our business! If God knows, that is enough. God has not made us the providers, and He does not intend us to hold the helm. We are to follow Him, not lead. We are to obey Him, not prescribe.

Your deliverance is near. But if it tarries it will be a richer blessing. Ships that are long at sea are more heavily loaded, but they carry a double cargo of blessing. Plants that grow quickly last only for a little while. Perhaps the blessing that is taking so long to spring out of the soil of your expectancy will last all your life." - Spurgeon

New York

>> Tuesday, June 16, 2009 – Family, Trials

The past weeks have been quite busy and I'm behind on posting many events.

We got back a few days ago from New York. We spent just a few days up on the island with the Plunneckes and my mom. Our main reason for the trip was to attend my Grammy's burial. But we also got the chance to see a lot of family, many of whom we have not seen for years. So, it was a sad, but joyous time, being reunited with many we love. It was a packed few days, literally going from one thing to the next and from one hotel to the other, so we all came home quite exhausted...and with colds. The past few days have been spent resting and catching up a bit. I have not even gone through any of the pictures yet. In fact, many of the pictures, for some reason, are not uploading so I'll have to figure that out.

But for now, that's a little update!

Be still my soul

I love the hymn of the month at our church. Tears filled my eyes as we sang on Sunday...

Be Still My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to your God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: your God will undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shall you better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe your sorrow and your fears.
Be still, my soul: your Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Text: Katharina von Schlegel, 1752
Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1855
Tune: FINLANDIA, Jean Sibelius, 1899

Brynley Chord Madigan

A few Saturdays ago, Dave, the girls and I drove down to VA to see this new little bundle who just entered the world, Brynley Chord. She is the daughter of Jamie and Martha Madigan. Martha is Dave's cousin. What a cutie! I was so excited to meet her. We packed up the van with a meal for dinner, goodies and anticipation to see this sweet family. How we love them. Martha's parents, our Uncle Tim and Aunt Carmen, her brother Gabe and wife Sara and youngest brother, Andrew also came. It was great to see everyone.

For me, in many ways, this was a monumental time. It was the first baby that has been born into the family since Alivia. She also was the first baby I have taken pictures of since Alivia. It was bittersweet, but wonderful.

More than anything, I think Martha's greeting to me, upon arriving, made my heart melt and overflow with joy. I think since losing Alivia, it is normal for others to not know how I will respond to babies, possibly even to think I wouldn't want to hold them or be around them. I admit, yes, it can sometimes be bittersweet to be around them. Simply put, babies remind me of Alivia. But that can be a good thing! And I LOVE babies! I think I have come to appreciate them and the gift of life like never before. So, when Martha greeted me with a, "Here, I know you want to hold her" you can imagine how blessed I was. No one was waiting for me to quickly give her back. I held her, snuggled her, kissed her sweet head and enjoyed how tender this little one is.

Thanks, Jamie and Martha, for welcoming us to your home and allowing us to meet your precious Brynley. We love you all!

Happy Birthday, Selah!

Today is our little Selah Grace's 3rd Birthday. I can't believe she is 3! What a joy she continues to be to us. I love her little voice and the fact that she still can't pronounce her "L's," I love her love for animals, bugs and anything that is alive and moves. I love how she always yells, "kiss" and "hug" when anyone leaves and goes running up after them, and I love how vivacious and full of life she is. I cannot imagine life without her and am giving thanks this morning that God has entrusted her to us and that I have the privilege to be her mom!

June 2nd

Today marks 7 months since our little Alivia entered the presence of ultimate joy. As my mind has wandered back to the events of November 2nd, I have also taken time this morning to imagine what joy and laughter she must be experiencing, perhaps with new friends like Chase and Micah.

I was helped by what I read this morning in my devotions, encouraging me of what laughter and joy await me in heaven:

"Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh." - Luke 6:21

"And as I knelt beside the brook
To drink eternal life, I took
A glance across the golden grass,
And saw my dog, Old Blackie, fast
As she could come. She leaped the stream -
Almost - and what a happy gleam
Was in her eye. I knelt to drink,
And knew what I was on the brink
Of endless joy. And everywhere
I turned I saw a wonder there." - John Piper

"In Heaven, I believe our joy will often erupt in laughter...I think Christ will laugh with us, and his wit and fun-loving nature will be our greatest sources of endless laughter...

There's nothing like the laughter of dear driends. The Bible often portrays us around the dinner table in God's coming Kingdom,. What do you hear when friends gather to eat and talk? The sound of laughter...

The new universe will ring with laughter. Am I just speculating about this? No. I can point to Scripture worth memorizing. Jesus said, 'Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh' (Luke 6:21). You will laugh...

The reward of those who mourn now will be laughter later. Passages such as Luke 6 gave the early Christians strength to endure persecution in 'an understanding of heaven as the compensation for lost earthly privileges' (McDannell and Lang). In early Christian Greek tradition, Easter Monday was a 'day of joy and laughter,' called Bright Monday. Only the followers of Christ can laugh in the face of persecution and death because they know that their present trouble isn't all there is. They know that someday they will laugh. By God's grace, we can laugh right now, even under death's shadow. Jesus doesn't say, 'if you weep, soon things on Earth will take a better turn, and then you'll laugh.' Things won't always take a better turn on an Earth under the Curse. Sickness, loss, grief, and death will find us. Just as our reward will come in Heaven, laughter (itself one of our rewards) will come in Heaven, compensating for our present sorrow. God won't only wipe away all our tears he'll fill our hearts with joy and our mouths with laughter. Those who are poor, diseased, and grieving experience therapeutic laughter. At memorial services, people laugh quickly. The best carefree moments on Earth bring laughter. And if we can laugh hard now - in a world full of poverty, disease, and disasters - then surely what awaits us in Heaven is far greater laughter...

Who's the most intelligent, creative, witty, and joyful human being in the universe? Jesus Christ. Whose laughter will be loudest and most contagious on the New Earth? Jesus Christ. When you face difficulty and discouragement, keep your eyes on joy's source. Recite Christ's promise for the new world, a promise that echoes off the far reaches of the universe: You will laugh." - Randy Alcorn

2 important dates...

occurred last week, but I never got a chance to record them.

May 26th marked Alivia's 8 month birthday...she would have been 8 months old! At one point this past Saturday it dawned on me that she would be crawling by now and probably getting into everything. Later that day, Dave, the girls and I were enjoying the beautiful evening around our fire pit, roasting marshmallows (or as the girls call them, "mushmallows"). Dave and I were enjoying watching the girls run around and play together. Out of the blue he said that he missed that Alivia was not here too. I started to cry as I mentioned that she would be crawling all around in the grass, exploring. A tender moment, remembering her. How we continue to miss our little girl.

Then, this past Saturday marked exactly one year that we have been in our home. It's hard for me to believe. A whole year has gone by! Never would I have imagined what our first year in this home would hold for us, but we continue to be amazed at the blessing that this house is and how much of a home it has become. We are so grateful to God for it!

For over a week now, the following scripture has continued to meet me and come to mind often. It has served me as I have walked through this past week, marking two important dates in my book. The Lord has definitely sustained us and upheld us through all the events of the last year, as hard as many of them have been:

"If the Lord had not been my help,
my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.
When I thought, “My foot slips,”
your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.
When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul." - Psalm 94:17-19

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