6 months

6 months is a long time, especially when trying to keep a blog up, yet fail to. The holidays last year ended and with it my consistency here. But I needed to take a break. It was necessary. Around January Dave's travel increased to a few nights a week and my usual time carved out to do some posts and plan while Dave watched the girls, became time that he needed to get ready to leave and work on things for the week. The girls and I also started driving to Franklin on numerous occasions and meeting up with Dave. That meant packing up all that we needed, including food and homeschool material, by myself and meeting him for a few nights and then back again. This went on for a number of months off and on. It was good and tiring.

All in all, the beginning months of this year were just plain hard for me. Sickness among the girls, my ongoing health issues, Dave gone, much uncertainty in my heart over many areas of life. Many days I was characterized by sadness as I fought for perspective. 

As spring approached and then summer, the pressing issue became finding a home in Franklin. We came close but the Lord closed the door on all the places we looked into. My mom found a cute little house that was perfect for her and she moved in May. With our lease running out, my mom generously offered for us to come and live with her. While Dave spent his weeks in Nashville, I traveled back and forth to spent time there and come home to finish up the girl's co-op classes and to pack up the house. Ugg. Packing is grueling. It's not for the faint of heart! But I did it. And moving day finally came.

Up to this day, we still have no prospects on a home. So, we seek to be patient and wait. The summer has flown by with getting settled in with my mom and trying to do some fun activities with the girls. I'm also happy to report that as soon as we moved a month ago, I started to feel so much better, health wise. I made some changes in a few areas and overall, I just think being together, not schooling for the summer, and not traveling has cut down on a lot of stress on my body, heart and mind.

Before the move I sold about half of all our furniture to cut down on the amount of storage we needed. And also secretly because I wanted to re-do many rooms. It's just my thing. I love to do it. I have a friend who posted my stuff on a facebook page in Knoxville and pulled in about double what I could have ever hoped for on Craigslist. So now I have some "fun" money that I am using to purchase "new" craigslist, vintage store and yard sale finds for our new place, wherever that will be. My mom graciously puts up with me constantly painting in her garage and working on projects.

That leads me to today. Day 5 of a 6 day getaway for Dave and I. If we ever needed a break it was now.  We both are spent. A couple who loves our kids and who we are so grateful for, took all 4 girls for the entire time. We are on Kiawah Island, just outside of Charleston, SC. Amazing place! I cannot honestly remember a vacation that Dave has been on and not had to work. He told me yesterday he doesn't know how to relax Although, I think he is finally getting into vacation mode! On Saturday we go and pick up the girls and head north. We'll see the Ploons, the Falciones, some cousins and friends. Then we'll spend some time at my dads. We will build some memories, for sure. I know it will be good for the girls to have this time back home.

That's it in a nutshell. I have no idea how consistent I will be on this blog from here on out. I'd like to think I might be just a little better than the past 6 months! But as soon as we find a home, that means yet another move. 

On a side note, yes, I am still keeping up with my 1000 things list. I'm behind where I thought I would be, landing at about 450 to date. But it continues to serve me, and help bring needed perspective. 

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When the perfect comes...

While on the topic of a new year, I thought I would share this. A friend sent me this article. It's full of hope. I loved it.

Enjoy and be encouraged!

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A few musings on suffering + resolutions

It's a new year, already. As is always the rave around January 1, we hear of people making resolutions for the upcoming year. They're resolving. To do things better. To do things differently. Perhaps never to do again. Resolutions are good things. They motivate. Inspire to change. To improve.

However, for the person who's been severely tried, tested, and walked a hard road, resolutions can be daunting. As if just thinking about them will set oneself up for failure. Why is that? Maybe perhaps they focus too much on our effort. What will I do? How will I improve? What changes will I make?

Effort.

Just the sound of that word can elicit exhaustion for the suffering saint. There is no effort to offer. They've been beaten down and the only effort they have to give life is to get out of bed in the morning.  To struggle just to do the next thing and make it through the day. To care for children. To prepare food. To love their husbands, their wives. To bring home enough money to meet the bills. To bear grief, illness, defeat, loneliness, rejection.

Where is there room for extra effort? Not much.

Yes, I'm speaking from experience here. I'm familiar with having no effort to offer. Wanting to, trying to, but coming up empty handed. Having no desire to add extra for my mind to process. Just maintaining status quo is all the mind and body can do as it looks at a new year ahead.

I look ahead to a year of many uncertainties for our family of numerous kinds. The road seems clouded and confusing. There is an inevitable move again. I still feel very weak, recovering in health and mind from last year. I will continue to bear the burdens that life has brought, while adjusting to a new place, new way of life, new people, new church.

As I think about all this, yes, I am going to resolve. A different resolution. No effort. No extra doing.

I resolve to depend.

There are many I know who are suffering in ways I cannot even comprehend. I look at their lives and cannot believe they have not given in yet. I will be praying for them this year. That they will experience rest, help, and not a burden to do, but to depend. To depend on the One who is able to do all that they can't this year and more.

In my weakness He is strong. And if He can enable me to depend on Him through whatever life may bring this year, good and bad, to see Him around every corner, in darkness, in light, to recount His gifts, tackle life with thanksgiving, experience joy, always depending, then it will have been a successful year.

There is a season for everything. You may be in a season of life where setting goals, resolutions, doing more and thinking hard about what to do differently is custom for you. It's wonderful to always be growing and improving in our work and gifts when our minds and bodies are able to. The thought of not setting goals for this new year might be foreign to you. Maybe you've been able to improve at great lengths, do more each year for as long as you can remember. That is a gift. Thank God for it. And if you know someone who is especially struggling and suffering going into this new year, perhaps you can do something for them that they are not able to. Perhaps one of your goals and resolutions could be to pray daily for them. Email and text to tell them so. Offer to babysit. Give financially. Make regular phone calls to encourage.

For all those who look into this next year with fearful sighs, let's resolve to depend on the Lord. The One who has been a faithful rock through the storms and has promised to provide and carry us through, as scary as this year may seem, will once again prove faithful this year. It's His promise.

My Resolutions {actually there are 2}:
1. Depend on the Lord for doing all things this year.
2. Complete my list of 1000 gifts. Experience joy!

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Week 10, #200

Last week I hit #200 on my 1000 things list. I've been at this for 10 weeks. One would think I should be farther along, right? It's hard. Days go by and I realize I haven't even touched the list. I'm finding it a discipline of the mind. To be thankful is not natural for me. But I'm fighting and when grateful, there is joy! When I find myself angry, those are days I'm least aware of God's immense blessings.

Last Friday. It was a battle of my mind. I heard of the mass shootings in Connecticut. I thought of my list and I was a bundle of confusion and emotion over what had happened.

I could not give thanks.

My heart was hurting for the brokenness of this world. I've been there too. I've felt the deep pain and in, someway, I can understand. The utter shock of having a breathing healthy child one hour and the next moment that child is gone. But this somehow seems harder, to process evil in this way. These children were Selah's age. I found myself cringing at the thought. Somehow it's too much for the mind to bear.

What could I do?

I could mourn. I could pray. I was grateful. Grateful I could relate, even in a small way to these parents. I could understand. Yes, I could mourn with those who mourn and pray for the Lord to do what He did in my heart. He used it for good, as painful as it was and is. He carried us through. He drew my heart. I pray this for the loved ones left behind in Connecticut. I'm grateful for a redeeming Savior and grateful that He will make all things right one day and will wipe every tear away for those who know Him.

*Christmas cookies
*I love Lucy shows
*fresh grain, fresh flour
*pomegranates
*another year of Dave's life
*friends who took Dave out
*Savanna, another year of life
*my dad
*birthday cherry pie, turned out.
*the ability to grieve with those who grieve
*hope in the midst of tragedy
*my girl's compassionate hearts
*the promise, "he will wipe away every tear."
*Dave's cousin, Andrew, a blessing
*sweet family Christmas
*Another year of Addie's life
*Mike + Jess, loved having them
*princess cake, perfect for Addie
*visits from family
*naps
*Laura + Marybeth, their friendships
*white lights on the tree
*watching little people open gifts
*a full day to get ready to leave

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Week 9, new expectations

Expectations can be a trap for me. I want something to go a certain way. Then, it doesn't. And a struggle begins in my heart. It's usually not pretty! But why did I expect it in the first place? Because I've let the past dictate. Or because the Jones' do this or that. Or because I'm living outside my gifting or season I'm in. It can be for many reasons.

I could have had a lot of expectations for this Christmas season. I usually do. But this year I had to reset those expectations.  I'm so glad I did. Doing less, thinking more. It's been very good for me, for my family.

There still has been much to do. It's been busy. But I have to say it's been a much more peaceful season for me. I've actually been amazed at how much has gotten done for the little planning that was accomplished. And because of the the little thing we now have called the internet. It does help simplify at times. Most of the cookies are baked, shopping is done, tree is decorated, and we're gearing up for our trip back to Maryland next week.

In the next few posts or so, I can't wait to share what my girls did for Christmas this year {with a little help from mom and dad.} More to come on that!

For now, here are a few things I gave thanks for this past week.

*my sister's heroic service
*9 years of Mckenna's life
*horses
*watching my girls enjoy a horse ride
*ice cream, so sweet
*birthday candles that celebrate life
*neighbors
*puffy clouds
*70 degree day!
*the Lord who speaks
*God's sovereignty
*sugar
*beef stock, simmering on stove
*energy for my day
*gingerbread
*provision of food
*a developing grateful heart
*peace, amidst the Christmas season
*a to-do list, done
*the sounds of littles giggling
*mercy when I fall again
*friends for dinner
*joy of Addie
*good news of friend's engagement
*recovery + healing {stomach bug}

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Week 7

This past week was a gift. And I gave thanks for it. It was so wonderful to be able to go back home to Maryland and see my family. I have never gone so long a stretch without seeing my sister. We had a great time and made memories.  As is usually the case, it went by way too fast. But the drive there and back went well and I'm definitely up for doing it again in 3 short weeks.

Something wonderful happened this past week. It happened a few times. I found myself, at different times, spontaneously giving thanks. When there was not anything particular to think about I thought about all the Lord has done and gave him thanks. A great work of His grace.

I brought my "One Thousand Things" journal with me, but didn't pull it out once while away. Not because I didn't want to, but the days were busy. This morning I took time to catch up.

*girls who are learning to help
*happy girls
*a reminder to pray, not use my strength
*Addie's hugs
*a walk outside + the blue sky
*a heart beginning to spontaneously give thanks
*a safe trip home
*wonderful time with family
*God's purposes over mine
*He uses weak, broken things
*moments to savor my girls
*my sister's heroic service
*His work in my big girl's heart
*Wallenmeyers
*Selah's doll, the exact one
*successful shopping trip with all the girls
*God's healing to my heart
*health
*a husband who trusts the Lord
*friends who encourage

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Reminder from a hot shower, week 6

Last week was full of days that I didn't want to give thanks. I was tired. My hubby was traveling. I was tired of being housebound with 4 little ones, in my yoga pants for what seemed like days on end. I was impatient with the girls. My attitude was ugly. I still jotted things down in my journal I knew in my head I was grateful for, but my heart was not in it.

On Saturday I was in the shower and I was reminded how grateful I am of hot showers. And then I thought about how much of a blessing a shower is. Yes, a shower. I don't deserve a hot shower. I don't deserve all the countless things I have. My heart should be yearning to give thanks. But I don't. Instead, I run for things that I think will satisfy. A break. Shopping. Time alone. A drive in the country blasting music. Anything but listening to fussiness and crying and needs 24/7. But do they really satisfy? I've tried and, no, I'm left empty. Empty and then looking for the next thing that will give me joy. Again, empty. So, in the shower I was reminded of what the Lord showed me as I started this new journey. My satisfaction is completely in Him. You think I'd live in the good of this by now. But this summer the Lord brought my heart to a place of deeply understanding this. The times I'm most satisfied and content are when the focus is on above, not around me. Seems so simple. But not for this often proud, unthankful heart. There is One who rains down day after day grace and mercy. Provision for all needs and more. Generous gifts to bless. And when I see them, give thanks for them, am consumed with who He is and what He's given. JOY!

It's so simple. Yet I fail so often. Here, again, I pick up my pen and write.

*Selah feeling better
*Hailey's growing contentment
*a pound gained (for Hailey)
*grace to help us trust
*Jerry Bridges
*music that ministers
*beautiful weather
*hope of heaven
*hot showers
*the Lord leading us
*a day to get things done
*Dollywood
*time to bake
*a daddy who loves his girls
*cranberries, so red
*my friend, Helen, who spurs me on
*a God who is sovereign and good
*the gift of giving
*hymns
*Thanksgiving

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Forbidden Caverns

Last week, we took a field trip to the Forbidden Caverns with the big girls co-op science class. We had a great time. I came away freshly amazed at God's creation, even underground, 300 feet.

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Tennessee Beauty

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I had a hard time uploading this video, so that's why I'm just posting it now. For those of you who are on Facebook, you may have already seen this. But, the Saturday while we were in Franklin, while at the Pumpkinfest, we sat down to enjoy a blue grass band. While they were playing, up stood this little old lady, clog dancing to the tune. She had to have been in her late 70's, early 80's. Then another older man joined in. Enjoy this clip. It's just one of the reasons why I. Love. The. South!

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Counting continues, week 5

Some of the things I wrote down this past week

*anger turned thankful

*time alone to plan

*rest

*warm house when it's cold outside

*God's sovereignty over all things

*His promises

*truth that transforms

*time to rock and cuddle Hailey

*Mckenna who helps in kitchen +...

*cleans bathrooms

*provision that brings hope

*husband who cares for my needs

*friends who care for us

*"Alivia note" from Esther, and my sister who cared enough to mail it.

*warm fall days

*visit to caverns

*God's creativity beneath the surface 

*friends for my girls

*beauty in Tennessee

*visit to family farm

*seeing my girls enjoy God's creatures

*Selah's love for animals

*Hailey, who finally takes a sippy cup!

*central vac

*faith for unknown and unseen

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Restored through thanksgiving, week 4

This past week was an emotional one. Not only did it contain November 2, but other circumstances revealed how fickle my heart is. When things don't go as I think they should, it reveals where my hope lies. Too often it's not in the Lord. Uncertainties, unknown future, things let go of perhaps to never have again, waning faith. My heart felt crushed a number of days last week.

So I stopped one morning. I read. I prayed. I thought. I thanked God. He met me. There it is again and I'm finding it so often. My joy and my hope in the Lord is restored through thanksgiving. I trust again when I remember his faithfulness, thank him for how he's provided, protected, led and sheltered us.

One day I'm gasping for air, the air of faith. To believe that He's at work and leading us, when I have no idea of next month or 6 months from now. I'm miserable when I'm focusing on what I don't know.

The next day, I turn. I focus on what I do know. And I thank the Lord for those things.

*The Lord is my shepherd
*He is sovereign
*God is our provider
*He will lead us, He has led us
*Sunny warm day
*Ability to homeschool

I realize I don't need to know what I don't know. The Lord is my shepherd. He knows and that is enough for me.

I have peace once again.

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Our trip to Franklin

Our trip in photos. All are from my phone camera, so pardon the blurry ones!

The cutest ice cream shop EVER...

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Cornerstone fall festival

We had a festival two Sundays ago at our church. It was so much fun. The girls jumped on moon bounces, we had smoked pulled pork sandwiches and enjoyed chatting with sweet friends. Dave even got in a little soccer, yet paid for the exertion of exercise a few days later! The night ended with a bon fire and blue grass music. Love it.

I only took these two pictures...

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His gifts, week 3

I'm into week 3 of penning down God's gifts that I've experienced, observed, and thought about.
Here are some from last week.

*early morning run, enjoying a misty morning at the park
*new clothes, thanks to birthday money from dad
*food to feed my family
*co-op classes
*getting up early
*hugs from Addie
*haircut lessons from Shannon
*gift of scissors
*warm banana bread
*book of Matthew
*swim lessons
*evening trip to the park
*tickle time with my girls
*a dishwasher that works
*pandora
*restored health
*Hailey's hair that sticks up so cute
*grace to ask forgiveness
*rocking little ones before bed
*Dave, amazing daddy
*my big girl's generous heart to give away doll.
*the patience of my Selah Grace
*trip to Nashville

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Surprises, in many forms

This past week was full of surprises. Some good and some just plain, not good. The big surprise of my week was the unexpected trip to Nashville. I say, Nashville, but really where we went was quaint town of Franklin. But all the little towns around the big city kind of get lumped in to the area of "Nashville." Dave has been traveling there weekly to build business for his company and always has had to leave us behind. This week we got to come! We all piled in the van early Thursday morning and headed west.
It was a good surprise! More on our trip to come.

On to the not so good surprise. I've set out to be thankful. I've sought to discipline my mind on God's gifts. Surprise. It's not easy! In fact, it's very hard. I knew it would be, but didn't realize how much my flesh caves to the idea of daily giving thanks. I've surprised myself by my excessive default to grumble and complain. I didn't realize how much I do until I've started to concentrate on giving thanks. Every moment that I want to get angry. Every time I want my day to go a different way. To get more done, for the kids to stop arguing. When I think about how tired I am of cooking 3 times a day, 7 days a week. I've lost the Eucharisteo. Joy gets sucked away. It's such a hard discipline.

An example came just this morning, on the way to church. I didn't like how someone in the family talked to me. I was angry. I was hurt. "How dare they?" I could feel the life being drenched from me. I knew this was an opportunity to stop. Think. Look. I've got so much. I'm blessed with a healthy family. We have all we need. We're together. The list goes on. I confess I didn't start give thanks immediately. I consciously chose not to. I wanted to stay angry. But I asked for grace. Grace. Spirit of grace come to my hard heart. Then...grace came. I gave thanks. I focused on God's blessings. His gifts of grace in exchange for my sin. A change happened in my heart this morning. I can honestly say that I can't even remember what I was angry about. It works. Grace. Thanksgiving. Then joy! But it's hard work. Very hard work. And so often I don't want to give the effort. But God's grace can break through. I'm seeing it happen.

I'd like to say that this experience above characterized my week. But it didn't. I far too often gave into a grumbling heart. A few days went by without me writing one thing. Not one drop of ink touched my journal listing God's gifts. But I write about this morning to give testimony that thanksgiving works to transform my heart. Joy results and glorifies God. And when it does, I'm a happy mom. I'm a better wife. It's what I want to strive for and ask God's help in.

There was another surprise for me this week. One that could not encourage me more. It's the realization and experience that giving thanks and having the mind set on God's gifts calms my anxious fears. I feel like an Israelite who the Lord is calling to look back on his provision for me. I need to remember. But I want to grumble instead. I have a life full of his gracious provision and faithfulness. Give thanks. Remember all he has done. Manna in abundance, daily provided. Won't he be faithful in the future as he has already, even through the deepest valleys? The more I remember and the more I give thanks, the more I see my heart trusting him more. It's a miracle. This journey of joy is more than I could have imagined. Surprise, it's hard. But surprise again. It's grace to my so often troubled and anxious soul.

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Autumn beauty

I'm thoroughly enjoying the autumn beauty here in Tennessee.

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Pumpkin Soup

Everyone, even Addie, enjoyed this easy soup. A perfect dinner on a cool, autumn evening. Pair with some warm bread and/or salad. We enjoyed it with buttered raisin toast.

Pumpkin Soup

1 cup chopped onion

1 chopped red pepper

2-3 cloves garlic, minced

8 cups chicken stock
3 1/2 - 4 cups cooked pumpkin
2 teaspoons fresh parsley
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1 tsp. pepper
3/4 cup cream
few dashes of nutmeg
salt, to taste (if you use homemade stock you will need more)
sour cream

Sautee the onion, garlic, and pepper in olive oil. Add the stock, pumpkin, parsley, thyme, and pepper. Simmer for 30 minutes. Remove the soup from the heat and blend. I used a hand held soup blender which makes this very easy. If you don't have one, you can use a blender. I left a few chunks in. Simmer for an additional 20-30 minutes. Add cream. Then add the nutmeg, one dash at a time until it leaves just a hint of flavor to the soup. Garnish with fresh parsley and serve with a dollop of sour cream. Enjoy!

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Appalachia Museum Fall Festival

My mom and I took the girls to this a few weeks ago. I missed not attending the Ag Farm fall festival back home, but this definitely filled the void...maybe even more so. We learned a bit about life in Appalachia years ago, how they did things, listened to some sweet bluegrass music and the girls learned a little square dancing. We saw animals, bought some wonderful goat's milk soap, fresh sorghum syrup (my new favorite sweetener) and a few other goodies.

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Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins

A baked goodie that we made last week. I tweaked it a bit to add a healthy spin on the recipe. They were super yummy!

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins

4 eggs
2 cups sucanat
1 cup coconut oil, melted
1/3 cup water
2 cups cooked pumpkin
3 1/2 cups unbleached flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
few dashes of nutmeg
few dashes of allspice
12 oz. chocolate chips

Beat eggs. Add sucanat. Stir water and pumpkin. Then add oil. Combine dry ingredients and add to liquid. Fold in chips. Line muffin pans and fill 3/4 full. Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 min.

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