The past few weeks

I was just thinking today that I don't think I have ever had so much going on in my life ever before. Nor have I ever carried so many situations and people on my heart. Yes, the past few weeks have been very full of emotion, activity, further trials, and seeking with all my heart to cling to the Lord and trust him. To say that I am daily tempted to be overwhelmed by the amount going on is an understatement. But, as I told Dave last night as we dialogued about one particular area in our lives, I am truly grateful that it's hard...because I am aware of my need to TRUST.

My devotions are quite distracted lately and I often find that I can barely get through one Psalm. Usually a huge hunk of time is just crying out to the Lord and seeking to cast my cares through prayer. My mind spins from thinking about all I need to do to prepare for this little girl on the way (baking, freezing meals, finishing up the nursery and making sure I have all the baby essentials), to prepartions for Christmas and the 5 family birthdays in December(soon adding 2 more!), all this on top of the usual daily "to do's." Then there are all the dear ones in our lives walking through tough times. My sister and her family are facing another extreme trial and we have had the privilege of seeking to serve them with meals, watching kids and praying and carrying them on our hearts. There are numerous other trials in our lives right now that seek to daily rob my joy if my heart is not guarded. Every day I find myself preaching truth to myself and have had to post Scriptures above the sink, as this often feeds my soul more than an hour of devotions in the morning.

Despite all this, I look back over the past few months and am amazed at all the Lord has given me grace for. And all the ways I have seen His provision and blessings. I do wish that I had been more faithful to blog, because there are weekly and daily examples of God's extreme kindness...but lately there has not been enough spare moments in my day to sit and write.

On the baby front, little girl is doing well. I had to switch doctors just a few weeks ago and it broke my heart. My doctor who delivered Selah and Alivia and who has deeply cared for us this past year is currently not practicing because of some unfortunate circumstances. So I had to find someone else. No one could ever take his place and I'm so disappointed that he will not be the one who delivers this next one. But God has provided another doctor, who I am praying will be the one to deliver baby girl #4. I am 36 weeks now and feeling very ready physically. However, hoping to have a few last weeks to finish up a number of things...yet, hoping to have this baby and be home for Christmas!

With the end of all my pregnancies comes the crazy phenomenon of "nesting." It's definitely a real thing. And it seems to be extreme this time around...there is this urge to freeze months of food, repaint rooms and furniture, redecorate and move my whole house around. It's quite humorous! But I love it. I am having fun...but probably staying up too late at night working on projects.

One project these past few months has been redoing the nursery. I'm just about done, but have a few last things to do. Everytime I walk upstairs and peer into the "new" nursery, I am filled with gratitude to God for his provision of everything in the room. He provided above and beyond my expectations!

Adding to that, just a few weeks ago, some dear friends threw a baby shower for me. What an amazing time this was! I was simply overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness, generosity and kindness of all who were involved. I received tons of new things for this little girl. As I sat opening gifts I couldn't help but thank God for his extensions of grace through these dear friends, to me, a sinner who deserves nothing.

Well, it's getting late and my mind is turning to mush. There is much more I could write and share, but that's a brief update. We would greatly appreciate continued prayer as we walk through the next number of weeks and months. There is so much going on in our lives, on top of the new addition arriving soon. And with her, I know will come new sets of temptations, as memories come flooding back and I face numerous fears. But God is faithful!!

I'll end with a Spurgeon quote, which a dear friend sent me. When I think that so many things are going wrong in my life, from the trivial like my computer that keeps crashing, making it unusable, to the more major daily reminders of pain and death, this quote helps to set my heart in place.

He shall choose our inheritance for us. Psalm 47:4

"Believer, if your inheritance be a lowly one you should be satisfied with your earthly portion; for you may rest assured that it is the fittest for you. Unerring wisdom ordained your lot, and selected for you the safest and best condition. A ship of large tonnage is to be brought up the river; now, in one part of the stream there is a sandbank; should some one ask, 'Why does the captain steer through the deep part of the channel and deviate so much from a straight line?' His answer would be, 'Because I should not get my vessel into harbour at all if I did not keep to the deep channel.' So, it may be, you would run aground and suffer shipwreck, if your divine Captain did not steer you into the depths of affliction where waves of trouble follow each other in quick succession. Some plants die if they have too much sunshine. It may be that you are planted where you get but little, you are put there by the loving Husbandman, because only in that situation will you bring forth fruit unto perfection. Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there. You are placed by God in the most suitable circumstances, and if you had the choosing of your lot, you would soon cry, 'Lord, choose my inheritance for me, for by my self-will I am pierced through with many sorrows.' Be content with such things as you have, since the Lord has ordered all things for your good. Take up your own daily cross; it is the burden best suited for your shoulder, and will prove most effective to make you perfect in every good word and work to the glory of God. Down busy self, and proud impatience, it is not for you to choose, but for the Lord of Love!

'Trials must and will befall—
But with humble faith to see
Love inscribed upon them all;
This is happiness to me.'



My little girl's legacy

I was so grateful for the following email that we received from a dear friend on Monday. It has been the cry of our hearts that the Lord would redeem this tradegy for good, both in our lives and in the lives of others. So, when we hear of His working to that end, even in very small ways as this emails describes...well it strengthens my heart to continue on and fight this fight of faith as I keep my gaze toward heaven.


Praying, praying, praying for you today, my friend.

I know that I can't even begin to imagine the anguish that you and Dave have experienced this year. But as I have grieved for you these twelve months--here in the cheapest of seats--I think I have learned just a little bit to trust God more and to long for heaven more. That's your little girl's legacy, and I'm grateful for it.

We love you guys.



One year

It's been one year since we lost our little girl, Alivia. It's hard to believe one whole year has gone by. Yet, I am so amazed and grateful for how the Lord has carried us through this trial, the toughest of our lives. There are no words to describe how overwhelmed I have felt today by the level of care we have and continue to receive. I was not at all expecting so many to remember, and to extend such lavish expressions of kindness and care. My house is full of flowers, cards and reminders from others that they, too, are remembering with us and continuing to grieve along side us.

Today was the first day I went to visit Alivia's gravesite. I have not been able to go this whole past year. However, I awoke this morning and knew it was something that I was ready to do. My sister was so kind in picking up Mckenna from school and caring for the girls so Dave and I could go. We have not yet purchased a head stone for her grave and I was not looking forward to going and seeing an unmarked spot where she was laid. But a few very dear friends took a flat stone, wrote her name on it and laid it on the ground with pink flowers and a few pumpkins. Thank you, Helen, Jen B., and Kriscinda for your amazing thoughtfulness. You have no idea how much that meant to me. My sister also left a pumpkin with a little note to Alivia that blessed us so much. I wish I had my camera to take a picture of it, but all we had was Dave's phone. But I'm glad we had something to capture the sight of what we saw as we approached the site...I will always treasure the expressions of love that were laid there.

When Dave and I arrived, the day felt so similar to the day we were there to bury her. It was mild and sunny, with a slight breeze. It brought back so many memories that seemed like just yesterday. However, I was very aware that the last time I had been there, I had stumbled to the gravesite, literally. Dave had to hold me up as I could barely make the short walk. Today, however, I was aware of how much the Lord has strengthened me this past year, as I was able to walk over and kneel at the site where she was laid. I was reminded of all the numerous ways God has helped me to make so many baby steps and relearn numerous things that I was not sure I would ever be able to do again - cooking, cleaning, caring for the girls, holding a schedule, waking early before the family, running errands, and now, visiting her gravesite. Yes, he had strengthened me to do that.

Thanks to all of you who have cared for us this past weekend and today, who have sent cards and emails, brought flowers, goodies, stopped in, stayed awhile and loved us. I am simply left overwhelmed and freshly amazed at the love and care of my Savior through you. We are so undeserving of the friends and care we have experienced over this past year...what a keen reminder of the gospel, and the undeserving grace that has been extended to us through our Savior's sacrifice, that makes it possible for us to know Him and for our sweet Alivia to now be with Him.


  © Blogger template Shush by 2009

Back to TOP