Our find of the day...

of the month, really! As Selah, Addie and I were driving home from dropping Mckenna off at school, we pulled on our street to find this little guy. He was sitting in the middle of our street. We rescued him and enjoyed him for a few hours...until he escaped from the box. So, unfortuntely Mckenna did not get to see him. But Selah THOROUGHLY enjoyed him. She named him Spot Honey. He was really cute!

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Adelyn and allergies

It's been quite some time since I updated on our little bitsy girl. Thanks to everyone who has emailed and called, especially after her last appointment, checking in and asking about her. I know I have not been able to respond on all of them, so wanted to post a bit on her.

First, she is doing well! Growing like a weed is an understatement for her. We joke that her rolls have rolls! I'm so grateful that she is healthy and growing.

Her appointment with the allergist went well. Loved the doctor. They could not test her skin because as the nurse got ready to, her whole body broke out in hives. So, there was not a spot to test. After that they sent us off to the lab, which was pretty dramatic for both of us. They had to try in 3 places and literally went digging for a vein. When it was all over, blood was over both of us, and I was a bit shaky...and melted in tears when I walked out.

I got a call about 5 days later to hear that they were not able to test for everything because the lab did not draw enough blood. BUT, we did find out that she is allergic to peanuts. Supposedly she is not to egg, milk, and gluten. They were not able to determine a number of other things such as wheat, tree nuts, soy, etc. The doctor suggested that I slowly introduce some of the things that she tested negative to. So far I've tried egg and she seems to be ok with that. I have tried some gluten foods, but very little as I try to stay away from too much for my sake as well. But she seems to be ok. I have not yet brought back dairy because I'm nervous about that one. I think I'll stay off of it for some time still.

My strict diet seems to have also helped with her poop issues. And some of her skin on her head still has consistently been better. However, other parts of her body are the same or worse. Her skin still continues to break out and sometimes pretty bad, with the oozing blisters. I can tell it really bothers her at times, but she continues to be a happy baby.

We continue to try various things (all the time). Her bath routine changes almost every week as does the things I use on her skin. I recently contacted a naturopathic doctor that I have used for years and she prescribed some herbs for me to take and some herbal ointment to put on Addie's skin. We'll be using that for a few weeks to see if that helps.

I am supposed to go in for more testing this Thursday, but I might chicken out! I have heard that testing can not always be conclusive and sometimes be false positives and negatives. I just hate to put her through that again. We'll see if I end up there or not. My dear sister cleared her schedule and got a sitter without me even knowing, so she could come with me for moral support. It would be nice to know, though, or have an idea of what she tests positive and negative for so I have a better idea of how to guide my diet.

I do have to say that all these issues are so minor. Addie is doing well and I'm so grateful for that. She is an amazing baby and I could not be enjoying her more. How grateful I am for this little gift to our family.

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She still loves bugs!

Although she can sometimes seem fickle when it comes to bugs, I'm convinced that Selah is still fascinated by them. Today I was out weeding in the garden beds and I found just about the biggest beetle I have ever seen. I literally heard something in the mulch and turned to find him crawling around. He was actually very pretty, decked out in an almost irredescent green. I went to get Selah and she loved it! We put him in a jar until Mckenna came home from school. Then Selah wanted to let it go because she announced that he would be happier. I'm sure she was right!

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An adventure in the bathtub

If you are a mom who loves cleanliness, I'll advise you not to read on! I would usually put myself in the "love clean" category, and while I do, cleanliness has taken on a whole new meaning for me with having 3 kids in the house. This is to my sister's delight (in a good way :). However, if your little one struggles with eczema, there is a little bit of helpful info. included below.

Because of Addie's skin problems, she requires at least one bath a day. If I was supper committed I would do 2, but that doesn't seem to happen much. I have found eczema responds better with more frequent "moisture baths," as I call them. I have tried many ways to do this, after reading about them, and by far we have found one method works best with Addie. I put in some Sweet Knee Oatmeal Cookie bath and start running warm water into her bathtub. Then in Adelyn goes! She really loves her bath, when she is not tired or hungry. I let her soak a bit, with a wash cloth on her head to help lock in the moisture. After a minute or so I add a fair amount of olive oil to the water. Then I start giving her a rub down all over, massaging her whole body with the oil water. I do this for about 5 minutes. Then out she comes, I pat her dry and finish with Sweet Knee bun glaze (I know, weird name - it's actually intended to be a diaper rash preventer, but many also use it for rashes, etc.) all over her body. If she has really bad breakouts, I'll add a little bit of hydrocortisone cream before the Bun glaze. Others have found that letting their baby soak for 10 minutes in the water and then rubbing them down with Vasoline helps. I tried this and it did moisturize, but I liked the all natural element of olive oil and, although it doesn't moisturize quite as well, her skin seems to do better with it.

So, anyway, this afternoon she desperately needed a bath. We missed last night and her skin was getting quite dry and irritated. I put her in her bath as usual and turned around to get a towel for her. I came back and added the olive oil and gently started to rub her down. I was getting tons of grins and smiles and coos. I had my hands and arms in the grease water, up to my elbows, but was loving it. A wash cloth went on her head as usual and I was massaging. I give all these details before explaining what happened next. I got her out of her tub (no rinsing), rubbed her down with Bun Glaze and then dressed her. She looked at me with happy smiles - all done! However, I then went to empty out her bathtub...as I did huge clumps of yellow mass started dumping out and I thin, "that did not look like oatmeal bath." I just stood there staring trying to figure out what was going on - quickly I realized - POOP! She had pooped in her bath. She must have done it as I got her towel from the rack....all before I proceeded to rub her down all over with that water in her tub. "GROSS," I think. For about one minute I just look down at her trying to figure out what to do next. All my girls have pooped in their baths before, so you'd think I'd be used to this. But Addie had yet to, thankfully, because her baths are so long and frequent. The tired side of me said, "Oh she'll be fine, but the mom inside said, "I've got to clean her off." My shirt as well is splattered with water. So, I clean out the big bath tub and her tub, strip her down and back in she goes. All the while Selah wakes up from the banging and is screaming. I get Addie cleaned and back out. As I'm getting olive oil to rub on her (since I didn't put it in her bath this time), the bottle slips from my hand and it goes squirting everywhere, all over the new towel and Addie. Fortunately, I catch it with my other hand. Addie looks up at me with olive oil streaming down her face and gives me this completely confused look, as if to say, "what is going on here?" She is now dressed and everything from before goes in the hamper. I run to get Selah and she comes to the bathroom as I finish up. But as I dump the bath water out, MORE POOP comes out. "What???" Then it dawned on me...there is a little plastic seat in her tub, attached to the bottom. The poop was stuck underneath and coming out every time I rinsed water through the tub. Super gross! Again I realize she was sitting in poopy water. But by this time, I'm too tired. As I take the plastic out it's...well, really disgusting (I'll spare you of details). While I'm doing this, Selah is behind me on the potty, crying cause there is no toilet paper. I turn to try to give her some and accidentally tip Addie's bathtub full of water in the wrong direction dousing Selah with a load of water, including blanket (disastrous!). Thankfully, Addie is spared. So, Selah is screaming, Addie is confused, and I'm actually laughing as I think, "I've got to put this on the blog to always remember!"

Now, Selah is calmed down and Addie is happy in her chair. Maybe not entirely clean but let's not think about that!

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Tired

Yes, some of the most tired days of my life have been just recently. You know you're tired when:

*You're driving down the road wondering where you are supposed to be and if you're on the right side of the road.
*You are looking your child right in the face, and can't remember what in the world her name is...for a good 5 seconds. Or... *Someone stops to comment on your baby and asks what her name is...and you stumble over your words, making funny noises, desperately trying to remember (yes that happened!).
*You sleep through the alarm and wake up to your 3 year old telling you that she has to go potty and, looking at the clock, realize you have 10 minutes to get your Kingergartener up, dressed, fed and out the door. (We did make it!)
*Your yard starts to look like something out of the wild west...have no energy to get out and pull the gazillion weeds sprouting up all over and plant flowers.

My sister and I get together sometimes and laugh as we compare stories. Hands down she has me beat on the number and severity in her stories, not to mention the humor. But nonetheless, it's amazing what our brains do when they are running on little sleep!

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More to come on the topic of grieving

Everywhere I look these days, I see friends who are walking through severe trials and suffering. I have been thinking a lot lately about how to care for them, how to best serve those who are carrying heavy burdens. My heart is so burdened for them and I can feel especially heavy as we continue to carry the loss of our sweet girl. Thus I can often feel somewhat helpless, knowing these dear friends are hurting so much, yet feeling inadequate to care as I would like to.

I know I have held off from posting thoughts, experiences, and suggestions on caring that relate to grieving. Part of that is because I know I am no expert. There are certainly those who have suffered much more than I have. I also in no way want to come across as complaining or as being ungrateful for the multitude of blessing in my life (and let me tell you, they are MANY), or to draw attention to us and what life continues to be like and the struggles that we experience, or as not being thankful for the amazing gift little Addie is to us. However, as I have considered how to serve the many I know who are grieving and suffering, I thought maybe a way to serve them is to post more on grieving. It's something that I think can be (not always) very misunderstood. It's been my experience that friends and family who surround those grieving and suffering have hearts that want to care, but often just don't know how. We are called to bear the burdens of others ("Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2). But sometimes it can be tricky to know how to do that best.

I'm not sure what this will look like, but I hope in the days to come to just jot down more thoughts and experiences and suggestions on how to care. I want to open up the lines for questions and thoughts that any of you may have for me specifically or on the topic of suffering/grieving, in general. Or if you think it would be helpful for me to answer a particular question or talk about something specific that would help others, please let me know. I am no writer and often stumble over words trying to communicate what is on my heart. But, my hope is that God will be glorified through this and that it will help serve others.

I am going to be leaning on the help of others and have already enlisted a few people in this. So, please share thoughts with me! Ask questions, make suggestions, share quotes, and offer experiences. Feel free to email me or leave a comment. Again, not sure what this will look like, but we'll see what the Lord has in the days to come.

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Addie's new toy

Adelyn has recently started playing with toys, real colorful ones. However, if she doesn't have an actual one, I love how she makes due with just her hands and feet. Put her on her back and she looks at her hands and feet as if she has seen them for the first time. I love it!

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Selah snapshots

(Heather)...Today Selah informed me, "Mom, I want to go to Hawaii." After telling her that it costs a lot of money to go there she said, "Well, a fairy could come and make us really tiny and we could go on a toy plane. That would work mom." If only it would!!!

(Dave)...Did any of you see the Esther play at CLS this year? I took both of them on a daddy/daughter date and have to admit that it was one of the best produced shows I remember seeing at the school. The girls absolutely loved it. I thought to myself (about 15 minutes into the show) that there is no way you could have gotten a boy of the same age to sit through more than 15 minutes. You will have to have seen it to appreciate this story though.

So the girls favorite characters, in this order, were Vashti and Esther. I was grateful for the intermission so that I could hear them saying Vashti's name over and over again they way they translated it. They called her "Mashy." I asked them who Mashy was and they provided me with her other name: the red girl.

The other day Selah went into her room for her pajamas and still had the blanket from her bath on her head--that kind of blanket with the little bear cub hat and ears on one corner to fit snug on her head. When I walked in she was spinning around and around with the towel anchored to her head and the towel "twirling" in front of her singing...

"...cuz I am Mashy... the great girl Mashy! ...yes I am Mashy, the great girl Mashy!"

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Grocery store adventure

Before I forget (which I do A LOT of these days) I wanted to write down something I did yesterday. Sleep deprivation makes me do very weird and forgetful things.

So, desperately needing to get out to the grocery store (and wanting to go alone to make it quick and easy) I leave about 7:30. Dave stays with 3 tired and fussy girls. By 7:30pm I am usually too tired to be good for anything these days, but given I had the time, I got out to get some food. First decision was where to go...I was almost overwhelmed with just that one decision, given the many options..Costco, H-Mart, Whole Foods... Dave had to stop and take a minute to draw me out and literally tell me where to go cause my mind couldn't process that one!

I make it to the produce aisle and start loading my cart. Next thing I know, I'm on my way to the next aisle over, grab a few things and go to the next. At this point, I look down and things look a little funny and, well, unfamiliar. I recognize the 2 things I just put in the cart, but where are my mangos...and my purse??? I quickly realized I had up and left the produce aisle with someone else's cart. Horrified I quickly make my way back over, trying to look cool, collected and eyeing things like I was trying to figure out what I needed next. I spot MY cart and nonchalantly try to take the few things out of the cart I stole and mosey on over to my cart, put them in and make a beeline out of the produce section. I didn't dare want the person's cart I stole to catch me!! Poor person though...they must have been looking all over for their cart (and there were quite a few things in it) and thought they were going crazy, while all along, I AM the one going crazy!! So sorry poor person, whoever you are!

So, that's my little adventure at the grocery store. The sad thing is I have other stories too, like leaving frozen chicken in my hot van for over 2 hours on Tuesday. Oh well. But, the fact is I know one day I will look back on this season and forget all this and just remember how cute my little Addie was and how fast the season came and went. One day she will no longer be waking up every 1-3 hours at night...and before I know it she'll be running around with all the other kids. So, while I can, may I seek to enjoy her little baby cuteness, while it lasts, however tired I may be.

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My girls

So much to say, not enough time these days. Addie's appointment with an allergist is tomorrow and I'm hoping it will give us some answers - yes, hoping and praying! Not much sleep has been happening around here for weeks now and I'm starting to do some really crazy things (more on that later).

Anyway, yesterday I realized that it had been way too long since I had gotten my girls together for some pictures. I have wanted to do something similar that I did with Alivia and the 2 oldest. A few days before Alivia passed away I had the girls outside with a chair and took some pictures of all 3 of them together. Every time I see that white chair in my house, I think of that day. So, yesterday before dinner I had about 10 minutes to spare and enough energy that I thought I could pull it off. I dragged a fun blue chair that I recently picked up at a tag sale outside and then grabbed Addie to brave the elements (literally - she breaks out all over when she is outside too long and I paid for it last night!). After she was out for a few minutes she started fussing and I realized it had been 3 hours since I fed her - but with my mind these days, it didn't even cross my mind to think about that beforehand. Oh well! When I took pictures of the older girls with Alivia, I had all their clothes coordinated, hair done and all ready. This time, I went out and called the girls from playing in the dirt - literally I did! Clothes filthy, hair all over the place and a fussy baby!

There is so much more I want to say and write, but that will come with time and hopefully a little more sleep. For now, here are my girls who I love so much!


You'll notice in a few of these pictures, Selah has her finger in Addie's mouth...trying to keep the poor girl from crying. Hey, it worked to get a few last pictures in!















I love how the older girls did some of the exact things with Adelyn that they did when holding Alivia, like kissing the top of their sweet heads.

"I'm done, mom!"

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We're still around!

I only have a few moments, but wanted to do a brief update. The past week has had me a bit busy around here and I have not had much time for doing much, let alone posting or, yes, trying to motify my blog (that I was hoping would be done by now :).

Addie has battled with eczema and rashes since early on, but recently over the past few weeks, it has gotten progressively worse. She still seemed to be fairly content, but not so this past week. Around the middle of this month, after talking with a few moms who are experts with allergies, I decided to cut dairy and soy out of my diet. After a week of doing that, Adelyn almost seemed worse, so I also cut out eggs, most gluten, all nuts, citrus, and seafood. It's been a full-time job keeping up with eating and making sure I get enough calories on this limited diet and also caring for Addie's needs and my other girlies. Over this past week, her poopy diapers started to look more normal and the rashes on her head began to clear up, however, she then developed this awful rash all over her chin, neck and it slowly progressed down her torso. It was like tiny little bumpy blisters. She also would often have, what looked like hives all over her torso. I spend much time reading online looking for help. The dr. just said to put hydrocortisone cream on her, which I was only trying to use once a day. But it didn't seem to be helping much. Over the weekend, she was miserable and was waking up all throughout the night, sometimes every 20 minutes, just screaming, and the rash looked awful. I held her and cried with her, cause I didn't know what to do. Anyway, I continued with these special baths and starting using the creams more. My mom came to my rescue yesterday and stayed here all day, cooking for me (everything I can eat has to be cooked/prepared....the only "grab" food seems to be bananas for me) and caring for Addie so I could rest. I took a 3 hour nap!!! Today Adelyn is doing much better! I'm hoping she sleeps better as well.

I have an allergist appointment for her on May 6 and I'm praying that brings some wisdom to us. And I also need wisdom for my diet.

So, that's where we have been and what we've been up to the past number of days. I don't have any new pictures to share...in fact my camera has been collecting dust :(.

I am very grateful Dave is in town this week. That is a huge blessing. Would appreciate prayer for the Lord to bring wisdom and help me to have strength and energy to care for my family! Thanks to my sister as well...what an amazing gift she is. Kel, thanks for having Dad and Patti this week and for cooking for everyone. You are amazing!

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Under construction

As you can tell, we are making some changes around here. If anyone knows me, you know that I am so not computer savvy. So, it takes me foooorever to figure anything out. So, instead of posting (and sleeping when I should be :) lately, I've been trying to figure out how to make some changes that I've been wanting to do for awhile. Hopefully I'll be able to get all this figured out soon! Stay tuned...

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Belly laugh

Addie has officially started belly laughing and I just can't get enough...only thing is that she has only done it 2 times now. And Mckenna is the only person who has been able to get it out of her. The first time she laughed this hard was when I was in the spray paint aisle of Home Depot with all the girls last week. They were patiently waiting for me to pick out my paint and I turned around to hear my little girl giggling away to Mckenna leaning over, tickling her. Too cute. And then just today she did it again for Mckenna. Enjoy!

Addie's belly laugh from Heather Castro on Vimeo.

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This was a tough week for me for a number of reasons. Yesterday my sister shows up with all 5 kids and a pink tulip in hand. She had looked outside just before coming and saw a lone pink tulip and picked it for me.

Excuse my dirty windows and the blown out picture, but here it is, in all it's glory, above my kitchen window. It sits beside a little tin sign that says simply, "PRAY." Together, they are two wonderful reminders for me and help bring perspective to my days right now.

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field trip

Dave gets in very early tomorrow morning from a business trip. I think he's had a trip every week for about 3 weeks now. We all miss him terribly. Today Mckenna announced to me,

"I miss Daddy. I don't want him to go on any more field trips."

Dave usually brings back small surprises (toys, candy, etc.) for them from his trips. So, in her little mind, he is just out with all these toys having the time of his life!!

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Praying for your friends...

Thinking all day and praying for our friends, the Lowes. Matt underwent another brain surgery today (I believe his 4th since this couple has been married), and this one after a previous one just 2 short years ago. It was to remove a tumor that has continued to grow. This family is walking through so much right now in many areas. Would you join me in praying for them? That the Lord would meet them with grace, strength, and peace. That He would abundantly provide for all their needs and that He would heal Matt.

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Easter egg hunt at K's

Put on by my wonderful mom...






My mom stuffed 70+ eggs with quarters!

Juney stole the show again...I always seem to have the most pics of her!

Selah counting her eggs...."1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 16, 10, 18, 12, 18..."

More to come of our Easter day. We were at Dave's family earlier in the day, but I forgot my camera and hoping to get some pictures from Joe and Charisa...

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Happy Easter!

Little Miss June

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Carrying burdens

The following Scripture, which is on the side of my blog, has come to mind countless times of the past week,

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore..." Rev. 21:4

On days like this, it is the hope that I hold on to. A number of friends all around me are walking through significant trials and hardships and my heart is every so heavy for them. Yesterday I cried on and off all day. My heart hurts and I easily grow weary with this world. Heaven is what I long for, what I hope for and what I think about often.

To some of those around me who are suffering...
*Helen and Matt, I'm longing with you for the day when pain will be no more.
*Ed and Elizabeth, I'm longing with you for the day when death will be no more and we'll be with those we loved so much.
*Christy, I'm longing with you for the day when our weary hearts will cease.
*Jordan and Tali, I'm longing with you for the day when sickness will be gone.

A friend wrote the following to me today, "carrying others burdens is something God calls us to and we are given grace to do so and yet it's very hard.. Weighs us down... It's a lot of emotional work. I always pray that as I carry others burden that God would lighten that person's load as a result and I do believe He does.. "

What encouraging words for my heavy heart. With a very full and exhausting season right now, I feel so helpless and want to do so much more practically for those who I love and carry on my heart. But I'm human and limited and not able to do as much as I want. But I can pray and I can carry burdens to my Savior. As I seek to do that, I pray that it will, in some way, help lighten the load of these dear saints.

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Good morning smile

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Lauren & Samantha

Today we had fun watching 2 of the Lee girls. Esther, a dear friend of mine, just had her 5th baby last week and her husband Joe has had some complications from a nose surgery he had recently. So, needless to say, they are VERY tired. I took Lauren and Samantha for the day so they could get some needed rest. We had such a great time with them. Mckenna and Selah loved the little playmates and they all enjoyed the day outside. I think between them all, they picked every single daffodil in our yard...too cute! We even managed to get to the park before dinner.

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Cousins

It only took Kelly and I 3 whole months to finally get pictures of these two together! It's not just getting them together though...its getting them both happy, fed and rested at the same moment. It was short, as you can see in the final shots, but we did get a few happy pictures.

Alert and happy!

Smirk! Addie takes center stage in these two...

Love the drool!

Meltdown begins. I love how it looks like Wyatt is trying to console Adelyn

A not so happy ending!

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3 months

As the saying goes, "how time flys." Indeed, but we have loved every day of these 3 months. Happy 3 months, little one. How we love you.

It was a busy day and Dave is gone again on a short trip. But my mom popped in for a visit, which made the day more relaxing for me. And I pulled out my camera as Addie took a little nap in her lap. So, as the day is ending, I am grateful I have a picture of her today, on her 3 month birthday. Love those cheeks!

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Our Swedish friends

I met Birgitta about 10 years ago. She came to America to be an aupair for one year. Over the the course of the year, the Lord did a great work in her heart and she became a Christian. During that year, we also became great friends. It was sad to see her go, but she and her now husband, Emil, come back every 1-2 years for a visit. We always look forward to the time, although it's always way too short. This year they brought another couple with them, Mattias and Miya. They were so sweet! Here are a few pictures of the last night we got to spend with them.


Birgitta and me

Dave talking with Emil

Mattias and Miya

Girlie shot!

Miya reading to Mckenna

My poor self-portrait shot of Biritta and me. Sorry, Birgitta!

We will miss you all!! Come back soon.

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Our little book worm

Introducing her early to our love for reading! Hoping she will love books as much as her sisters do.

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Friends from Sweden

We just had some dear friends arrive yesterday to stay with us for a few days. Emil and Birgitta. They brought another wonderful couple with them. This week has been busy, but wonderful! Dave has been gone, but we have experienced much grace. I even managed to paint my powder room amidst getting ready for our guests, enjoying this outside nice weather, and caring for the girls. More later on our time with our friends. Gotta run and make breakfast!

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God's care

I decided to post an email string that occurred today. I find that I don't post as much these days on grieving. That is for a number of reasons. However, I wanted to post some kind words that came from a friend and my response to her. I'm doing so because I am aware of a number of friends around me who are walking through their own trials. And I think the following words so adequately give testimony to the kindness or our Lord, His active involvement into every detail of our hard times, our thoughts, and our emotions and His commitment and promise to uphold us and see us through.

Let me tell you, I needed this reminder! I have felt lonely, inadequate as a mom, wife, homemaker, and weary the past number of days. I've been missing Alivia and have been more aware of circumstances than I have of who God is and how great He is, not just to save my soul, but to uphold my soul all the days of my life. This email was a reminder of God's specific care for me.

So, I pray for all those of you whose days are characterized by hardship right now. May the following words remind you of how acquainted the Lord is with us, how He can sympathize with our sufferings and how much He knows and and will care for us through them...

And, Cara, once again...THANKS! I'm in tears again as I read your kind words.

Hi, Heather!

Just wanted to say hi and let you know that you've been fresh on my heart the last couple of days. I don't have any big word or even a verse to share, but I think of and pray for you often, love reading your blog and seeing those beautiful little girls, and continue to remember your Alivia with gratefulness and tears. I only got to meet her once, so in my mind's eye she is always that tiny pink and white bundle with a perfect, baby face, wrapped in a blanket and snuggled sleeping on your shoulder. I look forward to meeting her again in Heaven some day, where she will be a veteran worshiper at the Throne. How much I will have to learn from her then!

Much love,
Cara



Cara,

*Tears.* Thanks so much, my friend! Well you have been sensitive to the Spirit and for that I'm so grateful. The past few days have been particularly hard for me and as I sit here I am once again aware and reminded of how the Lord knows and He has and is providing for my every need. Your email could not have been more timely or more meaningful, Cara. Life has been particularly challenging with meeting the needs of 3 little ones (as you very well know :), I've been weary, exhausted and very emotional and weepy (I think my hormones have been a little wild the past few days). On top of that I have just been particularly missing our little one no longer here, wondering what she would look like toddling around and what our family would be like with her. It's an interesting and hard dynamic, knowing that if she were here, Addie would not be, so in the Lord's sovereignty I rest. Also, sleep has been restless for me the last few nights, adding to my drama of emotion. And Dave left this morning for a business trip this week.

I just say all that to encourage and thank you, Cara. The Lord could have put me on your heart, you prayed, and then stopped there. But the fact that you would take the time (which is precious, I KNOW) to sit and write to let me know, is...well, means so much, dear friend. The Lord used it to strengthen my weak and weary soul and I will come back to it this week, I'm sure, to read and be refreshed.

Thanks, as well, for continuing to remember Alivia and us, in general. I was just thinking last night how losing her has taken so much out of us and has rocked our world in ways that probably only the Lord knows about. And we still have not recovered...I am learning it takes so much time and our hearts will never be the same until heaven. Once again, I say that to communicate how much the Lord has used your care!

I continue to be so grateful for you, Cara!

Love,

Heather

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Like a feather

Yesterday I was getting Selah dressed and she said to me:

"Mom, you smell so good...like a feather. And you're so pretty. You're not like a boy. You're like a fluffy little feather."

I laughed. She's my silly little girl.

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