Surprises, in many forms

This past week was full of surprises. Some good and some just plain, not good. The big surprise of my week was the unexpected trip to Nashville. I say, Nashville, but really where we went was quaint town of Franklin. But all the little towns around the big city kind of get lumped in to the area of "Nashville." Dave has been traveling there weekly to build business for his company and always has had to leave us behind. This week we got to come! We all piled in the van early Thursday morning and headed west.
It was a good surprise! More on our trip to come.

On to the not so good surprise. I've set out to be thankful. I've sought to discipline my mind on God's gifts. Surprise. It's not easy! In fact, it's very hard. I knew it would be, but didn't realize how much my flesh caves to the idea of daily giving thanks. I've surprised myself by my excessive default to grumble and complain. I didn't realize how much I do until I've started to concentrate on giving thanks. Every moment that I want to get angry. Every time I want my day to go a different way. To get more done, for the kids to stop arguing. When I think about how tired I am of cooking 3 times a day, 7 days a week. I've lost the Eucharisteo. Joy gets sucked away. It's such a hard discipline.

An example came just this morning, on the way to church. I didn't like how someone in the family talked to me. I was angry. I was hurt. "How dare they?" I could feel the life being drenched from me. I knew this was an opportunity to stop. Think. Look. I've got so much. I'm blessed with a healthy family. We have all we need. We're together. The list goes on. I confess I didn't start give thanks immediately. I consciously chose not to. I wanted to stay angry. But I asked for grace. Grace. Spirit of grace come to my hard heart. Then...grace came. I gave thanks. I focused on God's blessings. His gifts of grace in exchange for my sin. A change happened in my heart this morning. I can honestly say that I can't even remember what I was angry about. It works. Grace. Thanksgiving. Then joy! But it's hard work. Very hard work. And so often I don't want to give the effort. But God's grace can break through. I'm seeing it happen.

I'd like to say that this experience above characterized my week. But it didn't. I far too often gave into a grumbling heart. A few days went by without me writing one thing. Not one drop of ink touched my journal listing God's gifts. But I write about this morning to give testimony that thanksgiving works to transform my heart. Joy results and glorifies God. And when it does, I'm a happy mom. I'm a better wife. It's what I want to strive for and ask God's help in.

There was another surprise for me this week. One that could not encourage me more. It's the realization and experience that giving thanks and having the mind set on God's gifts calms my anxious fears. I feel like an Israelite who the Lord is calling to look back on his provision for me. I need to remember. But I want to grumble instead. I have a life full of his gracious provision and faithfulness. Give thanks. Remember all he has done. Manna in abundance, daily provided. Won't he be faithful in the future as he has already, even through the deepest valleys? The more I remember and the more I give thanks, the more I see my heart trusting him more. It's a miracle. This journey of joy is more than I could have imagined. Surprise, it's hard. But surprise again. It's grace to my so often troubled and anxious soul.