Casting my cares

The last few days have been hard and I know there are harder days to come. But, amidst it all, the Lord is teaching me. A few people have asked me lately how they can pray for me. It's a loaded question when I feel the weight of so much going on in our lives, on top of remembering sweet Alivia, missing her and grieving her loss. So, I sum it up by asking for prayer that the Lord would enable me, by His power, to trust Him with all the details of life right now and that I would cast my cares on Him.

I have felt the prayers of others in this area. There have been numerous times over the past few days when I am anxious, my heart is heavy, I feel no joy in my salvation, am discouraged, and want to give up the fight. It's usually when I have been thinking about one or many of the challenges facing us right now. However, I have been reminded to CAST MY CARES and that I am not doing so. So, I pray and give it to the Lord because, quite frankly, with many of the things, that's all I can do. Yes, I can strive, add to my "to do" list, try to do more, sleep less, push through with some things, but not all. And with everything, I need to TRUST. Most things are entirely out of our control and that is hard for me because of my pride. I want to see things change, want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's just pitch black right now, except for the sight of Heaven. So, that's where I'll keep my gaze! And for the blackness that fills so many areas of life right now, I'll seek to trust. I don't have answers, don't know why, am feeling completely helpless, but I'll trust! May God enable me to do so.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

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And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Luke 12:22-34

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How Firm a Foundation

We are home and had a wonderful time! I wish I could share some pictures, but am still without my computer (and can't put any on this old one). But we had a great time in TN with our dear friends.

We are settled back home, but I have been met with some hard days lately. Anticipating next Monday (November 2) has been weighing on my heart and causing things in life to seem bigger than they really are right now. It's challenging to keep perspective of who my Savior is. My dear friend, Jenni, sent me the words of the following hymn this morning and they so ministered to my soul.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

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Off to Tennessee

Today Dave, myself and the girls are traveling down to visit our dear friends, the Coopers, in TN. We have been planning this trip for a few months now and are so looking forward to it. Laura Cooper has been a friend since Jr. High and Dave and Craig have known each other for quite some time as well. They have become some of our dearest friends over the years.

The trip is quite long! But it will be worth it. We'll be there for a week. I am praying this will be a refreshing time for our family and a time to built memories. It's been a challenging number of weeks and months for us, as there seem to be so many tough circumstances in our lives right now. We are looking forward to this time away.

Thanks, Laura, Craig and kids for allowing us to come see you! We'll be there soon (well, in about 12 hours :).

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Dave to the rescue

From minor to major (at least in my book) Dave has been coming up huge lately!

Rescue #1
Just last week, our power was flickering on and off and finally decided to stay off. Well, my Mac was not plugged in to a surge protector and got fried. Dave thinks it's probably totally gone. As I was contemplating what I was going to do without email, he came to the rescue with an old work computer. He set it up for me and in no time I was back online. Granted, I don't have any of my files, pictures or other software (and hoping I might be able to get those back), but at least I have email and internet. You probably won't see any pictures for awhile as Dave says this old computer can't handle anything extra on it.

Rescue #2
Almost all my spare time lately has been spent working on the nursery and preparing for our next little baby girl. So, after getting the bedding (that is a whole story I'll have to share sometime) and much deliberation I picked out a paint color for the nursery. I bought a gallon and got one whole coat on the walls, stood back, and decided it wasn't quite what I was hoping for. I went with green, but it was a little dull...wanted something a little more bright and cheery. Trying to get a pale green that is not minty, but not too sage-y, is...well, hard...for me at least. After giving it some time to grow on me, I decided to go back to the drawing board. Off to Home Depot I went with a few more swatches in hand. Only after buying that whole gallon did I discover that they now sell samples that you can get mixed in ANY color you want, for $2.94!!! Wish I had seen that before buying my whole gallon! So, I got 2 samples mixed and painted them side by side on the nursery wall. After a few days, we decided on one of those 2 colors. Back to Home Depot again to have gallon #2 made up. Having had the sample color matched (it was a Benjamin Moore color) I made the big mistake of not saving the sample container with the color code on it. No biggie I thought - I'll just have them color match it again. On Sunday afternoon, excited to finally be able to get the room all painted, I set about to do all the cutting in with the new color. After completing the whole room, I stepped back and realized, IT WAS A DIFFERENT SHADE of green!!! It would not have been so bad if it was similar or a nice shade, but it was BRIGHT green, almost had a fluorescent hue to it. I had even had the guy at Home Depot put a drop of it on the actual swatch and it looked perfect. But it wasn't! I sat down on our steps and almost cried! I didn't know what to do. I called Dave up and he conferred it was definitely different. I have to interject that Dave was in the midst of watching the Redskins game. We don't have cable, but he recently got a nice HD antenna that allows him to get a few channels. This is the first time in our seven years of marriage that he has been able to watch football on our TV...in other words, this is BIG deal! But without hesitating, he left watching the game to rescue me. He took the old gallon of green paint that I had originally used and the new one and set out to mix them. What did he come up with?? The perfect shade of green! I was amazed! Not too bright, not too dull...perfect! Before leaving to go to his sister's house for dinner that night, I was able to get part of the room cut in (for the 3rd time :). And last night I was
able to finally finish up. We are making progress! And the room is finally starting to look like a sweet little baby's room. It looks so much different than the last nursery looked, but I think that is a good thing.

And before I end I just want to thank my amazing husband for how well he has cared for and served me these past weeks (and months, I might add). The past number of weeks have had a number of challenges for me. Sacrificial service and looking out for my needs and desires has characterized his actions. Sunday was just an example - giving up watching the game to serve me! I am regularly amazed and reminded of how undeserving I am to have been blessed with such an incredible man. Love you, Dave!

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Happy Birthday, Heather! (from Dave)


You are... well, my emotions are messing with my vocabulary right now and I may rattle off a bunch of flowery adjectives or just have a word-wreck and screech to a halt....


This past year, our seventh, has been the toughest, yet has brought us closer than ever. We have walked through the valley of the shadow of death and found that even there our Heavenly Father was with us. You have not stopped pursuing God with your whole heart, believing His words and promises and counting them precious to you. What a beautiful woman you are!

7 years with you have made me the wealthiest, happiest man I could be. We have seen highs and lows and have walked through all of it together. So grateful I get to have you by my side for the rest of my life!

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Another VERY special gift

On Saturday evening, my sister brought over a gift for me, all wrapped up. I knew, from Dave, that it contained some precious memories of Alivia. It took me over a day to be able to open the gift. I finally did late Sunday night. I cried my way through it as I read precious memories that others have of our little girl. Yes, my sister took the effort to collect from a number of people memories, poems and remembrances of Alivia's life. Then she put it together into a book accompanied by pictures. It's another gift that I will always treasure.

Kel, thank you so much for all the hard work you put into this. This will forever be one of our families most meaningful books.











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A new favorite


Heaven Is The Face (Slideshow With Lyrics) - Steven Curtis Chapman

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Special gift

This past Saturday was a good day...a hard day, but a good one. I probably cried more and remembered more than I have in awhile. My amazing mom took the girls for the whole day and overnight so Dave and I could have some time together. I dropped them off in the morning, made a trip to Home Depot and then came back home. Dave and I had lunch together and then watched Alivia's slide show together. We read through emails that were sent and took time to just sit and talk. Then he gave me a gift. It was all wrapped up in white paper with a pink ribbon. I opened it to find a picture that he had taken that I had never seen before. He took it when Alivia was just a week or 2 old. We had been napping together and I never knew he had taken it. Since he took it with his phone, the quality was pretty poor. So, he had our dear friend, Kristen, work on it and then framed it. It took me quite some time to recover from seeing it. I will treasure this always.

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September 26...

Alivia's birthday. The Lord sustains, the Lord hears, the Lord knows, He helps, He carries, He is gracious, sovereign and good. The theme of this year for me has been,

"The Lord gave, and the Lord hastaken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

In the midst of our painful loss, we continue to know that God is over all things and we will seek to praise Him. This morning I found comfort and hope in Psalm 23, another life passage for me this year:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil ,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever."

In memory of our little girl, I'm posting the slide show (from her memorial service) that captures her short life. For all who read this blog, thank you for remembering with us and caring for us...we are so grateful!

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Psalm 121

This week has been full of up and down emotions, as is to be expected. I have not blogged for awhile for a number of reasons, one main one being that I just don't quite know what to say. There are so many conflicting, random, and mixed thoughts and emotions filling my heart and mind these days.

On top of that, life has picked up and has been super busy, which has really served me to keep my mind occupied. I was just telling Dave last night that it seems like when it rains, it pours. The last number of weeks have been challenging for us, on a number of fronts and have continued to push us to further dependency on the Lord. It's been hard, but God is continuing to sustain us. It does seem that once September hit, I started to finally feel better in the pregnancy, just as life picked up a few paces. I have been giving thanks to the Lord as He knew this time of year was going to be hard and has helped my body to be able to keep up with all that is going on around me and has given me things to do.

This morning, in my devotions, my mind quickly went to what I was doing a year ago, the day before Alivia was born. I remember it so clearly. A friend had offered to watch the girls for me so I could get some things done...I was one week away from my due date. So, I painted my kitchen, of all things!

I think the time from now till Nov. 2 is going to bring back so many memories for me. Things I did a year ago when our little peanut was with us. May God give grace.

I was just reading in Psalm 121 today, which has been a passage I go back to often. It is such a good reminder of where my help lies and also of the promise that God will uphold me through life's continued storms. The past few weeks have been especially tempting for me in giving into the weight of my circumstances. I have felt weary often and even have told Dave that I'm tired of life's numerous trials going on in our lives and those around us and I'm tired of my heart being so heavy for so long. It seems, at times, everywhere I look is hardship, sickness, death, bad news, fear and disappointment. But God has not promised us easy lives, no, the contrary is true. Yet, He has promised to sustain and uphold and that is where my focus is to lie. And I can be encouraged in that truth and in the fact that it's through the storms that our faith is built. He is continuing to do a great work in our lives and he will, indeed, HELP us!

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes form the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lrod is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you
by day,
nor the moon by night.

The lord will keep you form all
evil;
he will keep you life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your
coming in
from this time forth and
forevermore.

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That rose was His...

I have heard this quote a few times in the past. But it was very timely this morning as my mind has often been on the events of last September, when little Alivia was born.

The other day I was cleaning out a cabinet and found 2 little newborn diapers in the way back...they were Alivia's and it seems like just yesterday I was using them. And yesterday afternoon I heard a baby cry that almost sent me running. It sounded just like her. Then I happened upon some pictures on my computer of our last year's trip to the pumpkin patch. She was just a few weeks old and I so clearly remember walking around with her in her baby pouch. It doesn't seem like almost a year since she was born, and yet so much has changed and taken place in this one year. The emotions, the ache in my heart and the memories are still so fresh. I'm learning that's just how it will probably be for awhile, particularly this time of year.

Tears flow now as she is still so dear, so near and so loved in my heart. So, this quote was refreshing and encouraging as I came across it while reading in Beside Still Waters this morning. I know it was the Lord's doing that sent her to Him. And as much as it pains my heart, I am so grateful for the time He gave her to us, even if just 5 short weeks, to care for her and love her. Those are 5 precious weeks I will never forget. What a gift she was to us.

Lest You Sorrow. 1 Thessalonians 4:13

"Suppose that you are a professional gardener, responsible for a garden that is not yours. you take great care of several prize rose bushes. You fertilize, water, prune, and train them. Now that they are blooming in great beauty, you take considerable pride in them.

One morning you come into the garden and find that the best rose has been taken. You are angry and accuse your fellow workers of taking it. They declare their innocences, saying that they had nothing to do with it. But one says, 'I saw the master walking here this morning. I think he took it.'

Is the gardener still angry? No, he immediately says, 'I am pleased that my rose's beauty attracted the master's attention. That rose was his, and he has taken it. Let him do what seems good.'

It is the same with your loved ones. They did not die by chance. The grave is not filled by accident. People die according to God's will. Your child is gone, but the Master took her. Your husband is gone, but the Master took him. Your wife is buried, but the Master took her. Thank God that He let you have pleasure of caring and tending for them while they were here. Thank Him that as He gave, He Himself has taken.

If you believe in providence, you may grieve, 'but I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus' (1 Thess. 4:13-14). - Spurgeon

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BIG first day


Today was Mckenna's first day of school, in Kinder- garten. I absolutely can't believe that she is starting school. It's been an emotional few weeks for me, to say the least, as I've contemplated this. But she had a wonderful first day and keeps asking if she can back every day! She definitely loved it.

I'm very grateful for Covenant Life School and know that this is the place the Lord has her right now in this season. It's a blessing knowing she will be so well cared for and taught, particularly since I'm not sure how much I would be able to do after the baby comes, if I homeschooled her. I'm grateful knowing her education this year is being well taken care of by amazing people!


Ready to go...

"wait, mom, I need to fix my hair band..."

dash to the car, so we won't be late!


Walking in on her first big day, with Daddy and Selah.


In the classroom...how I love my family.

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10 months...

in the glories of heaven. I've been thinking about our little girl and grieving today as I've considered just how much she continues to be missed in our lives.

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Comfort

The past two weeks have been full of activity...some good and some that have made my heart, once again, look to the Lord, who ordains all things. My sister and brother-in-law received some very hard news about a family member and this has added to their lives, once again, a new trial that has and will consume much of their lives for some time. Your prayers for them would be greatly appreciated. My heart is heavy and I find myself looking and thinking of ways to help ease what they are walking through. I have to rest in the truth that our Savior knows and will provide strength.

In the midst of that, my dear little niece entered the world. This week has been spent recovering physically from that all-nighter and also preparing to leave today for 4 nights with the family and some friends. We are heading to Hershey Park to camp for 2 nights and then up to Lancaster for an additional 2 nights with my mom. I am looking forward to this time to build memories for the girls and enjoy seeing them have a blast! Mark and Kel were supposed to come, but have had to cancel because of what they are walking through. But we will bring Keenan and Larsen and the girls are thrilled about that!

On top of all this, I have been scouring craigslist lately, looking for baby items. I have had to get rid of much of my previous baby items, as it was just too hard to hang on to them and use again. In fact, I happened across a few things a month or so ago, and tears just welled in my eyes. I knew then that it would probably be easiest to start fresh with this little one. My dear sister has served me in trying to sell much of my baby items or donate. I've even sold my whole nursery... furniture and all and am looking to buy a new "used" set. Call me crazy! Dave has been so gracious in letting me do all this. I'm trying to get as much done as possible before fall comes, as our schedule will be packed and full.

So, yes, it's been busy around here. But with all of this, I have experienced grace, for which I am thankful for!

We'll return from PA on Wednesday, the 26th ,and my mind will be very much be thinking about Alivia, who would have been 11 months that day. With all that is going on in my little world right now, the following quotes from Spurgeon ministered to me this morning. With sudden tragedy, like we have walked through, hanging on to the truth of God's providence and sovereignty has helped to bring needed comfort...He has indeed comforted our hearts. And it was this truth that I needed to hear this morning as I look ahead to the next week and also the next few months. I know the approaching weeks of the fall months will be hard. As I anticipate them, it's helpful to look back over this year and recount how faithful the Lord has been to me, to comfort, calm, and bring hope to my heart.

"Rest peacefully. All things are ordered by His wisdom, and 'precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints' (Ps. 116:15). No forces are outside of his control. God does not permit any foe to trespass on the domain of Providence. All things are ordained of God. Our deaths are under the special oversight of our exalted Lord and Savior. He Himself will guide us through the iron gate of death. Let us rejoice that in life and in death we are in the Lord's hands." - CHS

"As a pilgrim in Canaan, you have passed through the Red Sea, where you once feared you would drown, and the bitter waters were made sweet with God's presence. You fought the Amalekite. You made it through the terrible wilderness, passing by the fiery serpents, and you have been kept alive. As the clear shining comes after rain, so shall peace succeed your trials. As the black clouds fly before that compelling power of the wind, the eternal God will make your grief fly before the energy of His grace. The smoking furnace of trouble will be followed by the bright lamp of consolation.

To say, 'My Father, God,' to put myself into His hand and feel that I am safe, to look up to Him, though it be with tears in my eyes, and feel that He loves me, and then to put my head on His bosom as the prodigal did and sob my griefs into my Father's heart, this is the death of grief and the life of all consolation. Jehovah is called the 'God of all comfort' (2 Cor. 1;3), and you will find Him so! He has been 'our help in ages past, and He is our hope for years to come.'

I bear testimony that you cannot go to Him and pour out your heart without finding a delightful comfort. When your friends cannot wipe away the tears, when your heart bursts with grief, pour out your heart before Him. Go to Him, and you will find that even here on earth God will wipe away all tears from your eyes." (Rev. 7:17). - CHS

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Time is of the essence

A friend shared this quote with me recently and I was very provoked and freshly reminded how short this precious season is with my little ones. May I endeavor to honor God, enjoy them and make the most of it.

"Now is the time to get things done...wade in the water, sit in the sun, squish my toes in the mud by the door, explore the world in a boy just four. Now is the time to study books, flowers, snails, how a cloud looks; to ponder ‘up,’ where God sleeps nights, why mosquitoes take such big bites. Later there’ll be time to sew and clean, paint the hall that soft new green, to make new drapes, refinish the floor - Later on...when he’s not just four." -Irene Foster

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More on Lily

So, as I mentioned before, little Lily Louise brought quite a story with her entrance into this world. We got a call in the middle of this past Saturday night, 2:21am to be exact. I answered the phone knowing it would be the Falciones. I asked, "is this it?" Expecting to hear a, "we're on our way to the hospital, I heard Joe say, "it was it!...I just delivered Lily on our bathroom floor." I was shocked and in about 20 minutes arrived over at their house, just as the ambulance got there.

Apparently, Charisa's usual contractions (which she had been experiencing for over a week previously) very quickly turned to intense and they were making preparations to leave for the hospital. However, after a quick shower, and a "Joe call the doctor and your mom," her water broke and Lily's head was starting to come out! Joe quickly called 911 and was talked through how to deliver this little girl.

I drove Joe's car behind the ambulance to the hospital and spent the day with them, as Charisa got settled and recovered in her room. Both she and Lily are doing great and are home now! What a story they have to tell!

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Introducing...

Lily Louise Falcione

My newest niece was born at 2am this morning, to two proud parents, Joe and Charisa. There is an amazing story behind the birth of this little one, but I've been up since 2:20am this morning and must go to bed. More to come tomorrow! For now, here is this beautiful little one...







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Anniversary trip

Dave and I will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary next Monday, August 17th. It's hard to believe it's been 7 whole years! We celebrated a little early this year, going away for 2 nights this past week. We originally were going to go away for just Friday night, but the Lord blessed us with a wonderful deal and we were able to get away for both Thursday and Friday night.

We went to the Carrollton Inn, just 4 blocks away from the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. It was a wonderful Inn, the food was great, and we had an incredibly relaxing time. I told Dave that I don't think I have ever appreciated getting away as much as I did this time. This pregnancy has been a very challenging one in many ways, one of which is the physical toll it has had on me. So, just being able to relax, sit, read, talk with my husband, and not have any of the usual life demands on me was so refreshing. Kristen Snyder heroically took care of our girls the entire time we were gone. She did fun things with them, painted, colored, took them for ice cream and even cleaned and did laundry right before we returned - amazing girl! She never ceases to amaze us by her servant's heart and the way she cares for our family!!

We returned Saturday evening and then on Sunday I left again to take a planning retreat with my dear friend, Jenni. We had a wonderfully productive time, Sunday afternoon through Monday. I got many things thought through and planned out for the fall and winter. Thanks to my husband for releasing me on Sunday and to the Littrells for taking Selah and Michelle DeCarlo for taking Mckenna on Monday. You all served me so well! Here are a few pictures of Dave and my time away in Baltimore!


Our room looked like something out of Europe...very lush and extravagent!


We had a gas fireplace in our room, which Dave insisted on using for awhile, even though it was 90+ degrees outside!






We had a full spread each morning for breakfast. The food filled us up so much that we didn't need to eat for the rest of the day!





These 2 pictures were at the harbor. I had a hard time walking around, so we didn't walk too much, but it was a beautiful day on Friday and we sat at a cafe and got a drink and chatted.

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Bedtime Wishes

Somehow a tradition was started around here that each night, after nighttime verses, prayers and kisses, our 3 and 5 year old will whisper in Daddy's ear their sincerest wishes.

I had to record and share Selah's because, for one it just keeps getting longer, and secondly it is so cute and humorous. Tonight after all the reading and prayers and kisses she said: "We eat treats and watch a movie and go to Mrs.Reynolds house and watch a movie and eat dinner and ride sharks and go to the park..."

I finally learned from Mckenna the other day that when Selah says "ride sharks" she means ride a dolphin...I guess they saw that on t.v. somewhere.

Little Mckenna has had the same mantra for at least a couple years: "We go to all the people's houses." I can only guess that she must really enjoy us bringing her along to visit friends.

-written by Dave

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9 months

9 months ago yesterday, our little Alivia entered the presence of our Savior. What joy she must continue to experience. And I relish the thought that she will never ever again suffer, know pain, or experience the curse of sin that all of us still daily face. How my heart longs to hold her little body and see her once again. For now, she is safe in the arms of the One who continues to be our sovereign, loving and gracious Savior.

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