Our Thanksgiving Day

Backing up a number of days to our Thanksgiving preparations and celebration. For me, it started a number of days before Thanksgiving arrived. We had the privilege to host a number of my relatives (18 in total, including kids). It was a team effort of mother's helpers and even help from my girls when they could to get ready. The day before, on Wednesday, was by far the busiest day and I overestimated how much I could do in one day (as usual)...and of course, I am always coming up with last minute ideas to squeeze in.

I took a few pictures the night before, of my kitchen while I was making pies...most of which came out terrible...Addie was into my spice cabinet and pulled out a number of bottles and dumped their contents all over. At that point I really didn't care because she was happy and occupied as I finished up. Once in the oven she went to take a peek...

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The girls helped me with the centerpiece, by searching for long twigs which I used in a vase, as well as tried to salvage some of our gourds which were on their last leg {i.e. rotting!}. They made it through the weekend. Mckenna helped me set each place setting and made each of the name tags...

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I borrowed an 8 foot table, which came in so handy. I covered it with burlap (which was also a table runner on our main table) and used it as our appetizer table and later to put all the main meal food on. I've had this old window that I picked up at a tag sale about 7 years ago and...well...Dave never really liked it. I could never part with it all these years and have had it in storage. I pulled it out, roughed it up some more and used it on the appetizer table to hold the cups and paper products and silver ware...and also to say, "Happy Thanksgiving!" {by the way, I'm loving my window markers I got a few weeks back. See more about them here}.

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I am not the pie maker in our family...my sister is! She is an ahhh-mazing baker. I'm not sure how many times I called her and even ran over to her house to borrow something. But, I'm happy to report that my pies did come out. I made 2 apple pies, 2 pumpkin and a cranberry cake. We also had pecan/cranberry pie {my sister}, biscotti and rice pudding {my mom}. It was quite the spread.

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We had our main table set up for adults and a little table for all the cousins...and Addie and Wyatt sat next to each other in their little boosters. Here is everyone...

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Appreciation

We had been waiting on getting a memorial stone for Alivia as we prioritized our spend during the last year or so. Some friends and family very thoughtfully and very generously connected with us and gave toward the monument. Just wanted to take a moment to say Thank You. We are very grateful, humbled and moved by your desire to contribute. We have what we need and hope to buy one very soon.

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Happy Birthday, Mckenna!

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Mckenna, you're 7 years old today. Wow. You're momma cannot believe it. What a gift you have been to your family and so many around you. Your joy and compassion and tenderness has served me on some of the toughest days that we have faced as a family. I'm grateful to celebrate how the Lord has made you into the big girl you are today. I love how you are quick to obey, quick to be sensitive when someone around you needs a hug and quick to pray when the Lord's help is especially needed. I cannot imagine life without you.

We have had a full day celebrating. So far, my favorite moment today has been when we both read books together on the couch, while your sisters were napping, and then cuddled up and took a little cat nap together. Precious. I love you, sweet girl!

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Catching up

I'm so behind and there is so much to share. We have had a flurry of activity around here and it's been a lot of fun and a reminder of all that we have to be thankful for.


This year we hosted thanksgiving at our house for close to 20 people...for 4 days! It was all week getting ready, cooking, baking, cleaning, setting things up. I thoroughly enjoyed it and we had a wonderful Thanksgiving together with our family.

I just today uploaded photos from the past few weeks. The below one I took on the day Addie turned 11 months, on November 18. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm terrible with dates, but it was right around the time she turned 11 months that she seemed so big to me. And I definitely marked November 18. Not just a little baby anymore.

Hopefully in the coming days, I'll share more of the past few weeks and Thanksgiving.




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A note

I meant to share this note I received awhile ago and totally forgot. I came across it today again. A dear friend sent it on November 2 to us. It made me freshly grateful for the body of believers that we joined to, who have stood by our sides and supported us over these past two years.


Thank you, Cara, for sharing your heart with us!

Dear Dave and Heather,

I had so hoped to come by your house today and get this to you as a "real letter," but it appears that is just not going to work. Please forgive the impersonal feel of an email, and know that this is nonetheless heartfelt for being digital!

Below is a copy of a journal entry I wrote a few days after Alivia’s memorial service. I hope and trust that it’s the Spirit who prompted me to share it with you today. I hope and trust He will use it to strengthen your hearts in some small way.
Alivia’s short life continues to bless me so deeply. I hope this journal entry will give you a glimpse into just one way that God has used her to magnify my awe and love for Him and my gratefulness for His Church.


Monday, 10 November 2008


“So then, you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you are also being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.” Ephesians 2:19-22


The truth of this passage struck me on Saturday at Alivia’s memorial service. As I sat in the back of the room, in the sound booth with my husband, I could see all of the dear saints gathered in that room. The Castros’ extended family on both sides, Eric and Lisa Simmons, the Stogsdill family, Erik and Jerusha, Michelle and Jon, Shawn and Dienny, Jon and Jenni, Christy and Shawn Sullivan, Jon Ward, the Hydoskis, the Kauflins, the Ricuccis, Steve Whitacre, Julie Purswell, Debbie Partlow and her mom, Kay, Josh Harris, Kenneth and Valori Maresco, C.J. and Carolyn, Mike and Janelle, the Dabbs, Solomon and Eva, the Lees, the Bangs, Mike and Sarah, Brandon and Annie, and so many, many others.


I sat there, remembering. I thought about being in care group with Dave when I first came to the church, about assisting him in care group a year or two later. I thought about sitting across from him in a greasy spoon on Redland Road and asking him how his courtship with Heather was going, seeing the grin spread across his face. I thought about sitting with Heather and Sohee in the Flower Hill Starbucks when we were all in care group together, talking about Dave and Heather’s marriage, and my brand new courtship.


I thought about Dave and Heather growing up at Covenant Life and the people in that room who knew them as children. I looked at the people around me and wondered what memories were running through their minds—the points where their lives had intersected with Dave and Heather’s lives, the bonds that drew them to come and grieve with the Castros on that day.


There was something so holy and mysterious about mourning together there. Through all of my tears, I could almost see the people as a temple, stones instead of bodies, as the Holy Spirit ministered among us. That day, in those very moments, the building was underway. God was using this terrible, awful thing, this thing that none of us ever could have foreseen or desired. He was shaping us, joining us together, making us worthy to be a dwelling for Him. Amidst all of our heavy hearts, He was there, taking separate and individual lives and binding us together with a mortar mixed of faith and sorrow.


I don’t know if Dave and Heather were able to think or feel much at all that day, but I pray that they were aware of the church gathered there behind them. A Christ-ransomed Bride, Someone—something solid and steady and real at their backs as God draws them forward, toward Him, in glory.


We are still here, at your backs--following you, supporting you as you continue to bless the One who gives and takes away. Thank you for trusting Him to lead you, even through the valley of the shadow of death. Your example gives me faith and courage.

We are praying for you--more comfort, more joy, more peace, more provision. More of Jesus!


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Our little strawberry

Yesterday I put a little red onesie outfit on Addie. As soon as Mckenna saw her she said, "Oh mom, she looks like a little strawberry." She could not wait to complete the outfit and kept asking me all morning if she could make Addie a little hat (my artsy girl!). As soon as she had a break in school this is what she did. And, yes, Mckenna even took the picture (with a little editing help from mom)! Here was our little strawberry for the day...

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Sisters

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Thank You!

I honestly did not know what to expect this year, in the way of how hard September 26 and November 2 would be. September 26 came and went and I got through it fine. The weeks after were hard. So many memories of having Alivia. Going to pick apples, then pumpkins and a few trips to our favorite orchard are all activities I did with her, so those trips this year were again bittersweet. Last year the pumpkin patch was in a different field, but this year it was back again in the field it was 2 years ago. As I walked along the rows, I thought about the day I carried Alivia in my baby carrier in search of pumpkins with my other big girls.

I had no expectations for this past Tuesday, November 2. I never really know how to answer the question, "what are you thinking for that day?" which my wonderful family is always faithful to ask. So, I'm grateful for my sister who makes the plans for me. She came over with lunch, and while the kids were eating threw a crock-pot dinner in. Later my mom came over as well, taking a half day of work to be with us.

There was one thing I knew I wanted to do, and that was bring my girls to the cemetery. We've been talking about it with them, particularly Mckenna, and where we put Alivia's body. She was anxious to see the place and remember her there.

Later that evening, we shared a meal with my family. At the end of the day, I reflected on it's events and thanked the Lord for how he orchestrated every moment. I could not have imagined a more perfect day!

However, theres more to this year's story. I honestly did not expect many to remember...it's just one day out of the whole year and everyone is busy. I know that I have such a hard time keeping track of what month it is, let alone what day! So to receive so many emails this week meant more than I can communicate. Not only that, but a number of people brought over flowers and stopped by. Then yesterday, we were coming home from an errand and I realized I had not checked the mail all week. The mailbox was stuffed full. I pulled into the driveway, and shuffling through it, I noticed there were quite a few cards. As I began opening them, I quickly found myself in tears. Card after card from dear friends, expressing their heart for us--that they were remembering Alivia and desired to contribute toward Alivia's headstone. We had tightened our belts and were waiting on that purchase. I was completely blown away and overwhelmed by the generosity of everyone who had given.


So, it will take me some time to try effectively thank each person. I have not even gotten through the emails. So, I just wanted to write a post, saying thanks to all our friends and family who overwhelmed us with their kindness and effectively communicated the Father's love to us this week. From the emails, to the cards, to the flowers, and the monetary gifts....Words just are so inadequate, but you all make grace so much more amazing to us. We continue to be so grateful for each of you and the way the Lord has used you in our lives in such a meaningful way.

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God answered our prayer

One morning last week, Mckenna and I were sitting at the kitchen table and I was feeding Addie. The song, Jesus Will Meet You There, by Steven Curtis Chapman was playing and this conversation took place:

Mc: Mom, what is this song about?
Me: It means when really hard things happen to us in this life, that God will help us, He will meet us...like when Alivia died. God helped us. Or when someone is really sick and the doctors say there is no medicine for them and they will die. God says He will help them (referencing the lyrics in the song).
Mc: You remember when Alivia died, I prayed? I prayed and asked God for another baby for you. I prayed so much, mom. And God gave us another baby...He gave us Bippers. God answered my prayer, mom!

With tears in my eyes, she gave me a big hug. I have recently been especially aware of the blessing of Adelyn in our lives. Sometimes it seems so surreal that we have walked through what we did, that I was pregnant again and now have another beautiful little girl. That God really did answer our prayers so quickly for another little baby girl is testament to His mercy. Never will she replace, but she has helped soothe the aching in my heart. And just yesterday I was thinking that the Lord knew how hard this past year was going to be and having this little one, has been more of a blessing than I probably am aware of or could adequately communicate. God has indeed been merciful to me.

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Pumpkin patch

Yesterday, our family headed up to Rockhill Orchard to pick pumpkins. Like I mentioned before, the girls were more fascinated by all the bugs and flowers than pumpkins. But there were pretty picked through. Mckenna wanted a small pumpkin and after declining a few that I thought were small, we headed to the check out store to see what was there. It was then that I realized Mckenna wanted one of those mini pumpkins (the 3" round ones). The only one pumpkin we found in the field was designated for Addie. The rest of us got ours at the store. After that, we went to one of our favorite places for lunch, Pistachios.

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Overdue update

I have so much to share, so much the Lord has done in our lives over the past number of months. I won't fit it all in this post, but will share as much as I can.

First, a little update on Addie that is way overdue. As of around the beginning of August Addie's rash completely disappeared. All except a very small patch on her cheek that sometimes breaks out, her rash is all gone! We could not be more grateful and it has made an immense difference in her comfort level and our schedule as well (we had to do so many baths and lotions, etc.). Thanks to all who prayed for her. We'll probably have her tested again next spring to see if her peanut allergy is gone, but other than that, she has no other known allergies and is a very happy and delightful girl.

Second is an update on Dave's job and what has transpired in the last few months. As many of you know, the past 2 years have been a real test for us financially as Dave has faced a number of challenges at the company he has given over 10 years of service to. Since Alivia's death, one difficult event after another at his work, made him question if he should look for another job elsewhere. This past spring, when we realized that we were sinking financially and could not carry on without a significant change, Dave started aggressively interviewing. The process of interviewing in sales is VERY time consuming. Dave had also recently taken a new position within his company that was incredibly demanding. He was gone almost every week. And the days he was home, he was at work early, would come home, eat dinner and then work till midnight searching for new job opportunities. It was very draining on us all. All the emotional exhaustion of not knowing what we would need to do in the upcoming days and not seeing Dave much, coupled with the physical exhaustion of a baby who continued to not sleep well made this very challenging for me. We had many discussions of where the Lord was leading...we even considered if we should sell our home. This went on for about 5 months.

So much of the past number of months is such a blur to me. If asked, I probably could not even tell you what we did over the spring and summer. We stayed home most of the time, as we were not able to fix our van which has needed thousands of dollars of work. It was so much easier for me to stay in and *just do the next thing.* Although at the same time, the demands of being an exhausted mom and not seeing Dave much was, at times, almost overwhelming for me.

After a number of upsets in the interviewing process and the drain it was taking on us all, Dave decided to give the intense interviewing a break for a number of weeks.

Then at the very end of September, Dave got an offer letter from IBM. On October 1st, I woke up late. I still remember looking at the clock and seeing 8am! Then I noticed a card sitting there...a birthday card. I literally had totally forgotten that it was my birthday. Dave had let me sleep in and it was the start of a day that was to be one of the most refreshing days I had had in such a long time. All morning Dave was in his office, wrestling with the offer letter and talking with people at his current company. He was getting tons of counsel from many sources. Around 1pm, Dave took care of the girls so I could go out to lunch with one of my dearest friends, Julie P. It had been so very long since we had just sat and talked...I shared so much with her about the past 2 years, these past months and all the Lord was doing in my heart. My soul was so encouraged from that time. I came home to find out that Dave had, indeed, accepted the offer with IBM!!! That night, Dave arranged a sitter and he took me to The Black Market Bistro (thanks to the Scheffersteins who gave us a gift card there last Christmas). We had a sweet time fellowshipping and rejoicing in the provision of the Lord in this job! Being able to get out 2 times in one day, spend time with 2 of my favorite people and to be so refreshed meant more than I have words for. It was a birthday I'll never forget.

And that leads me to today...the first day of Dave's new job at IBM. He is currently in New York as I write in training. It's a monumental day for all of us. I know there are many hurtles still for us, but we could not be more grateful to the Lord for this job and all the ways he has provided for us over the past months.

The other day Dave and I were chatting and considering this last year of our lives. He was looking over the numbers in our finances and commenting that the Lord has so carried us during this challenging season financially. When I consider it and look at the numbers it just doesn't make sense how we've done it. It's been hard, yes, but in looking back this season just speaks of God's provision and promises to me. Honestly, one of the hardest part of trials for me is just the pain. I don't think I often doubt God's goodness or why this or that is happening. but it's hard for me simply because it just hurts so much....losing our baby girl, and seeing the ripple effect and further hardship and pain it has brought to other areas of our lives. But, provision and needs - COMPLETELY MET! Yes, we still have a broken van, etc. but we have not missed a meal, our closets have clothes, and we have a roof over our head...and even in my hurt and emotional needs - He always seems to meet me in the toughest times. I hate that it hurts so much...the pain is overwhelming and lonely at times. But my fears are put to shame when I see the faithfulness of my Lord.

One final word to my husband. I hope he gets to read this tonight before he goes to bed - Dave, you are my hero! I am just amazed at the grace of God in your life and how you have cared for your family during these past months...yes, 2 years now. You have led us, and directed me back to our Savior, the One who is able to meet my every need, and you have encouraged my heart when I was tired and weary...more so than ever before in my life. Thank you for working so incredibly hard for your wife and girlies, doing so with joy, and fitting in time for us. Thanks also for taking this past week off. It has been a long whole year since you have been able to take a week off from work and the girls and I absolutely loved having you around the house... and going to lunch and the pumpkin patch! We love you so much!

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Flowers...

from the pumpkin patch. My girls were more interested in flowers and bugs than pumpkins! More to come later from our trip to the patch!

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It was a beautiful fall day and the wind was blowing.

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Monumental moments

This past Sunday we dedicated Adelyn Alivia to the Lord at our church. It was a moment full of very mixed emotions for me. Ever since losing Alivia, baby dedications at our church have been extremely hard for me. Yes I rejoice with all the parents very much, but it's also a bittersweet moment where the wound in my heart is more deeply felt. So, as we stood on Sunday, I was remembering our little girl who is no longer with us, but also giving thanks for the amazing gift that little Addie is. I don't think a day goes by where we don't comment in our home, how much we love her, how cute she is, what a perfect baby God gave us, or how we can't imagine life without her.

Then on Monday, Addie officially turned 10 months old. Hard to believe. Before we know it, she'll be one! In honor of her dedication, I took her outside on Sunday evening to capture of a few pictures. I could not choose a favorite, so bear with me as I post a ton :)



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A flower

Almost daily Selah will ask me, "mom can I pick a flower for you?" I regularly see little vases around the house with everything from weeds to grass to real flowers. I love it. Reminds me to treasure these little girls that are growing so fast. Yesterday this is what she handed me. The vase was filled with water and the little one inch stem was stuck down in, barely touching the water. Sweet girl.

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What we need

Read this today. It's from a book that I received for my birthday recently. The author, Nancy Guthrie, is talking about how Jesus submitted to God, even against his fleshly desires, in the garden of Gethsemane.

"Jesus knows what it feels like to bring a heartfelt, passionate prayer to God and to hear God say, in effect, 'I've got something else in mind. I have another plan. And that plan is going to involve intense suffering on your part.' Somehow it helps me to know that Jesus wrestled with God's plan for his life - and his death - even as he submitted to it, because I, too, have wrestled with God's plan for my life even as I have sought to submit to it. Maybe you have too."

Later Nancy writes...

"What we need most is not to hear God say yes to our requests. What we need is to be filled with such deep confidence in the character of our Father that when he says no, we know he is doing what is right and good for us. What we need most is the faith to trust him.

Some claim that strong faith is defined by throwing our energies into begging God for a miracle that will take away our suffering and then believing without doubting that he will do it. But faith is not measured by our ability to manipulate God to get what we want; it is measured by our willingness to submit to what he wants.

It takes great faith to say to God, 'Even if you don't heal me or the one I love, even if you don't change my circumstances, even if you don't restore this relationship, even if you allow me to lose what is most precious to me, I will still love you and obey you and believe that you are good. And I believe that you, as my loving Father, will use everything in my life - even the hard and hurtful things - for my ultimate good and your eternal glory, because you love me.' " -Nancy Guthrie

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Cherrio girl

This little girl loves her cherrios. She's been sick lately and refusing to eat, but put cherrios on her tray and she inhales them!

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H2O | questions

My sister sent the following article to me, mentioning that the writer (Frank James who lost a close brother) articulated so many of her own thoughts and questions that she has been unable to. It's a very honest and open look into the emotions and questions that can accompany grief. Particularly, where was God and why did He allow this? It's very well done and was encouraging to read. I can so relate to this following statement:

"Grief is a relentless predator. Those who have lost loved ones tell me that one never completely escapes it. Strangely, a part of me does not want the grief to stop, because the grief itself is a connection to Kelly (his brother). Yet another part of me is so weary from carrying the burden of a broken heart."

Read the full article here.

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Toilet paper pumpkins

Yesterday we made these very simple and easy pumpkins. They look great and make great fall decorations. It was something both my girls could do easily with just a little help from mom stuffing in the newspaper and fabric. All you need is:

Toilet paper rolls (one for each pumpkin)
Newspaper (one sheet per pumpkin)
Fabric fat quarters
Twigs
Ribbon

Lay each piece of fabric down, covered by one piece of newspaper. Put your TP roll in the center. Then stuff the paper in the hole working around in a circle.

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Then do the same with the fabric.

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Next, take a twig and stick it down into the center. And finally tie a bow around the twig. Voila!

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Mckenna does not like bows at all and, of course would not even entertain the thought of adding one to hers. So, she cut out a butterfly to add...

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Fall Festival


On Saturday, we all went as a family to the Back-in-Time Fall Festival at the Agricultural Farm. What a great time we had. It was the perfect fall day and the girls had a blast. They learned about the ways of doing many different things years ago and had lots of hands activities to participate in. With Dave so busy with work for so long and weekends being catch up days, we really have not had opportunity to do too much all together, so this was a treat.

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Tinsmithing

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Gardening


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Grinding corn

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Laundry

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Steam tractor

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Little Miss Addie enjoying the afternoon

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