This week has been full of up and down emotions, as is to be expected. I have not blogged for awhile for a number of reasons, one main one being that I just don't quite know what to say. There are so many conflicting, random, and mixed thoughts and emotions filling my heart and mind these days.
On top of that, life has picked up and has been super busy, which has really served me to keep my mind occupied. I was just telling Dave last night that it seems like when it rains, it pours. The last number of weeks have been challenging for us, on a number of fronts and have continued to push us to further dependency on the Lord. It's been hard, but God is continuing to sustain us. It does seem that once September hit, I started to finally feel better in the pregnancy, just as life picked up a few paces. I have been giving thanks to the Lord as He knew this time of year was going to be hard and has helped my body to be able to keep up with all that is going on around me and has given me things to do.
This morning, in my devotions, my mind quickly went to what I was doing a year ago, the day before Alivia was born. I remember it so clearly. A friend had offered to watch the girls for me so I could get some things done...I was one week away from my due date. So, I painted my kitchen, of all things!
I think the time from now till Nov. 2 is going to bring back so many memories for me. Things I did a year ago when our little peanut was with us. May God give grace.
I was just reading in Psalm 121 today, which has been a passage I go back to often. It is such a good reminder of where my help lies and also of the promise that God will uphold me through life's continued storms. The past few weeks have been especially tempting for me in giving into the weight of my circumstances. I have felt weary often and even have told Dave that I'm tired of life's numerous trials going on in our lives and those around us and I'm tired of my heart being so heavy for so long. It seems, at times, everywhere I look is hardship, sickness, death, bad news, fear and disappointment. But God has not promised us easy lives, no, the contrary is true. Yet, He has promised to sustain and uphold and that is where my focus is to lie. And I can be encouraged in that truth and in the fact that it's through the storms that our faith is built. He is continuing to do a great work in our lives and he will, indeed, HELP us!
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes form the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lrod is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you
by day,
nor the moon by night.
The lord will keep you form all
evil;
he will keep you life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your
coming in
from this time forth and
forevermore.
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On Saturday evening, my sister brought over a gift for me, all wrapped up. I knew, from Dave, that it contained some precious memories of Alivia. It took me over a day to be able to open the gift. I finally did late Sunday night. I cried my way through it as I read precious memories that others have of our little girl. Yes, my sister took the effort to collect from a number of people memories, poems and remembrances of Alivia's life. Then she put it together into a book accompanied by pictures. It's another gift that I will always treasure.
