Happy Thanksgiving!

Read more...

My girls

If any of us were to think that I'd never have a picture of all my girls together, well think again. This is what happens when Kristen babysits for me...

Thanks, my friend!

Read more...

3 years...

that our sweet girl has been with Jesus.

One dear friend has faithfully driven out to the cemetery where Alivia is buried every November 2nd and left a note to her. One of the reasons I'm so encouraged by this expression of care is because it reminds me that her short life was not wasted and that God has used this trial in our lives and in the lives of so many for good. This year I was so blessed to once again see that my friend had been there earlier in the day and left pink roses with this note:

Dear Alivia,
I think about you so much. I imagine what you'd be doing right now were you here with us. I imagine you'd be enjoying your family and running around. And yet I know you are in a safer place - a place where all of us would rather be! One of the many things you taught me was that this life is short and that we have a Father who longs to be with us forever and yet we have work to do here - to be made more like Him, to look more like Him and guess what? You being with Jesus has made your parents look more and more like Him! The Lord knew that they would bring glory to Him in this life and so many of us remember you, look at them, and see Jesus in them. They are stronger, wiser, braver and more loving because of you. While today makes all of us cry, we cry with hope because of who you are with.
Missing you today, Alivia.

Read more...

Our refuge and strength

A friend gave me a wonderful book as a birthday gift recently that I've slowly been working through. It's called 90 Days of God's Goodness, by Randy Alcorn. It's full of daily readings on various topics related to suffering. It's a perfect read for a new mom who doesn't have a hunk of time for devos. Anyway, I opened up the book today and what I read could not have been more perfect on this eve of November 2.

"Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing'...Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord , who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Pslam 16:1-2, 5-11

"God is the source of all good things. He is our refuge. Those who recognize his presence and call upon him, those who live with a daily awareness of the eternal pleasures he has promised us, those who set the Lord always before them, in the end will not be shaken.

An unskilled truck driver who obtained his license through bribery allowed a large object to fall from his truck onto a Milwaukee freeway in front of Scott and Janet Willis's van. Their gas tank exploded, killing six of their children.

Standing before cameras and microphones, Scott Willis said:

The depth of our pain is indescribable. However, the Bible expresses our feelings that we sorrow, but not as those without hope. What gives us our firm foundation for hope are the words of God found in Scripture...Ben, Joe, Sam, Hank, Elizabeth and Peter are all with Jesus Christ. We know where they are. Our strength rests in God's Word.

Fourteen years after the tragic event, Janet told me, 'Today I have a far greater understanding of the goodness of God than I did before the accident.' This might have taken my breath away had I not already heard it from others who've also endured unspeakable suffering. At the end of our two-hour conversation, Scott Willis stated, 'I have a stronger view of God's sovereignty than ever before.'

Scott and Janet did not say that the accident itself strengthened their view of God's sovereignty. Indeed, Scott's overwhelming sense of loss initially prompted suicidal thoughts. Rather, their faith grew as they threw themselves upon God for grace to live each day. 'I turned to God for strength,' Janet said, 'because I had no strength.' She went to the Bible with a hunger for God's presence, and he met her. 'I learned about him. He made sense when nothing else made sense. If it weren't for the Lord, I would have lost my sanity.'

Is that denial? Is it wishful thinking? Or is it the real power and transforming grace of God that came in suffering? I'm convinced it was God's grace.

I asked Scott and Janet, 'What would you say to those who reject the Christian faith because they think that no plan of God - nothing at all - could possibly be worth the suffering of your children and your suffering over all these years?'

'Eternity is a long time,' Janet replied. 'It will be worth it. Our children's suffering was brief, and they have the eternal joy of being with God. We and their grandparents have suffered since. But our suffering has been small compared to our children's joy. Fourteen years is a short time compared to eternity. We'll be with them there, forever.'

La Rochefoucauld may have best captured the difference between one person's lost faith and another's deepened faith in the face of suffering: 'A great storm puts out a little fire, but it feeds a strong one.' "

Read more...

A gift...

from Kristen. Found the link to this video sitting in my inbox a few days ago and just cried as I watched it. Thanks, my friend! This meant a lot. More than you know.

hailey hope from Kristen Leigh on Vimeo.

Read more...

My HOPE is in you

Ever since naming our baby girl, Hailey HOPE, I've thought a lot about what hope is and the truth that, when rightly place in the Lord, it really does help carry us through the trials of life.

I've been listening to this song by Aaron Shust tonight. The words are packed with truth and hope.

Over the last 3 years I've come to realize that my soul needs trials and storms, although I would never choose them. I'm very quick to put my hope in this life and the things of this world. It's trials that redirect my gaze and force me to set my hope on heaven and eternity. I've seen firsthand how they work for good in my life...even the hardest of storms, although I may not fully understand them.

"My hope is in you, Lord, all the day long. I won't be shaken by drought or storm. A peace that passes understanding is my song. And I sing, my hope is in you, Lord."

Read more...

Tiny toes

Read more...

3 weeks

Loving this little life that the Lord has given us.

Read more...

Hailey's first bath

clean, dry, warm and happy...

Read more...

1 week

Happy one week, sweet baby girl!

Read more...

3 years

It's been 3 years since Alivia was given to us for 5 short weeks. I'll never forget the day she entered our lives. Today we celebrated her birthday, and at the same time grieved her loss. It was a day full of mixed emotions for me, like nothing I think I've ever experienced. From kissing my newborn baby's tender cheeks and being amazed at her life one moment, to then feeling the pain of missing the one that I only got to hold for such a short time...

Despite how challenging work has been for Dave, he fought hard to take today off and did! It was great to spend the day with the family. We headed out this morning to visit the cemetery. It just happened that Alivia's stone was finally installed this past weekend. The timing was perfect. It's been a very long haul for us to get this memorial stone in place. And it was so wonderful to drive up and see it siting there, in memory of our little girl.

Throughout the day a few very faithful friends stopped by with pink flowers, gifts and notes to express care. And so many emails filled our inboxes from those remembering with us. I never cease to be amazed at how many friends do remember and take the time to express their care. It just shouts the Father's love to us and helps carry the burden that we still feel from our loss.

This afternoon we took the big girls out to the mall. Since we were celebrating Alivia's birthday, but could not give gifts to her, Dave told Mckenna and Selah that he wanted to get a gift for each of them to make the day special. They rode the train around the mall, got candy from the candy store and picked out a gift. It was a great memory! My heart was very full as we drove away with their smiling faces. They were obviously very tickled by their presents and sugar highs!

We came home to my sister at the house, with a wonderful meal made. She never ceases to amaze me by her care. Then this evening we sat around the table and just chatted and then I took time to look at pictures. A sweet day...remembering.

Selah picked flowers to put on Alivia's stone...

Read more...

Hailey Hope Castro

We are completely in love with our new little girl. Her arrival was a bit different than any of her sisters. Here is a little of her story and some pictures too.

I had more contractions leading up to this labor than ever before. I had a few times when I woke up thinking this was it...only to get up and have the contractions taper off. This past Tuesday night I woke up after about an hour of sleep to a contraction. They proceeded to come every now and then, nothing regular and not unusual. But they did keep me up all night long. In the morning, after a few more hours of irregular but fairly strong contractions, Dave, Kelly and I went to the doctor's office. Before I knew it I was being rolled over to the hospital at almost 7cm. The big change in this story is that I did get an epidural! After going completely natural with all my other 4 labors, my doctor and nurse convinced me to give it a try. I was completely exhausted from being up all night and quite frankly just didn't want to go through transition and then the pushing (my least favorite part). And it really was the Lord that I ended up getting it.

It turned out that Hailey was facing the wrong direction. Instead of face down, she was sunny side up. The doctor told me, I would most likely have to push harder, longer and was more prone to tear. That was all I needed to hear to know that it was God's kindness that lead me to get the meds! On top of that the doctor actually turned the baby while I was pushing and, let's just say, that would have probably sent me through the roof if I hadn't had any pain relief.

I have to say it was a great experience and Dave's opinion is that it was the most peaceful delivery. There are pros and cons both ways of natural vs. meds, but this time I think the pros far outweighed the cons, hands down...just ask my husband!

We had a few names we were debating on, and as usual for us, it was the last minute that we decided. However, I knew if it was a girl I wanted the middle name to be Hope. Since Alivia, we have learned more than ever, what it means to hope in God and His promises. We have grown more in our confident expectation of God's promises and of our eternity with Him.

Here are some pictures from Hailey's birth and meeting her family for the first time...

Labor...

This is the only picture I have of my big belly...I never got around to taking a belly shot in the last few weeks. Thanks to my sister for taking all these pictures.









Meeting her sisters (Thanks to Kristen for these shots)...






















Getting ready to leave the hospital...



Coming home...

Pictures from here on out might, unfortunately might be a little scarce...my camera broke the day we arrived home with Hailey. An extreme disappointment for me. But I'm sure I'll manage to borrow my sister's soon to capture some more memories.

Read more...

Our Girl!

Name will be announced soon!

Read more...

Lemon Bread

For Jerusha and Kelly....

Modesty aside, I really did forget to mention that, yes, I did get a Grand Champion big 'ole purple ribbon for a lemon bread that I made. Mckenna made some cookies and I, last minute threw this together, per my mom's suggestion. So, credit goes to her for the suggestion. I was completely surprised when Jerusha texted me a few days later to tell me it actually won Grand Champion. First, I was in such a hurry when I made it, that I set the oven to the completely wrong temperature. The bread came out looking too brown on the outside and I was convinced probably too dry on the inside. Then I put the glaze on wrong and was trying to fix that right before taking it to the fair. Anyway, for those who are interested, here is the recipe I used:

Lemon Bread

1/3 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2/3 cup milk
gated peel of 1 lemon (reserve rest of lemon for glaze)
1/4 tsp. almond extract
1 1/2 cup flour
1 tsp. baking powder

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs and beat until smooth. In small bowl, mix 2/3 cup mlk, grated lemon rind and almond extract. In another bowl, mix flour and baking powder. Alternately add flour mixture and milk mixture to butter-sugar mixture. Pour into greased bread pan and bake for 50- 60 min., until done.

Glaze

Mix 1/3 sugar, juice of 1 lemon and 1 tsp. grated lemon for glaze. It should be fairly thick but thin enough to pour on top of the warm bread when it comes out of the oven. Using a toothpick, I poked holes on top of the bread before pouring so the glaze would soak into the bread.

Enjoy!

Read more...

A day at the fair

I'm a bit behind here. I've been nesting like crazy these past number of weeks (err...months) and have been busy around the house getting things ready - organizing, cleaning out closets, sewing things, and scouring craigslist for last minute necessities and then painting and fixing them up. Between that and making/freezing meals, keeping up with schooling, and Dave still gone a ton, I crash at night.

Anyway, a little update on the fair. The girls and I made it on the day before it ended, a few weeks ago. It was so fun to go and see all the entries we had made and to find out the results. Everyone won ribbons and the girls could not be more thrilled. It's all about the colors to them. Never mind that it's only 6th place, it's a PINK RIBBON! And it didn't bother them that it was only an "honorable mention"....there was a ribbon on their artwork. I love that!

We enjoyed visiting the animals, seeing a few competitions and then ending our time with ice cream. This year the girls opted for ice cream over a horseback ride. I think that was Selah's sweet tooth influence!

Read more...