Undeserving

I love Saturdays....Dave gets to be with us. Today we spent the whole day together as a family and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We had planned about a week ago to attend a St. Patty's Day parade in our area today. However, as hard as this past week was, I was not really looking forward to it. I contemplated staying home and letting my mom and Dave take the girls. But, I knew it would be good for me to get out.

It turned out to be a great time. And I'm so glad I went. It was great to see the girls enjoying the parade - the bag pipes, the Irish step dancers, the dogs and all the candy and goodies that were thrown their way.

After we got home, we grabbed lunch and then headed out on a long outing to a Home Depot about an hour away. It's a long story, but we had to go to that one! It was good for my mind and heart to get out a bit today and have other things to distract me.

On the way home from the store, the Lord brought something to mind that I have been thinking about this past week. With life very challenging lately, I find myself comparing my lot with that of others...not a good idea! It only makes life even more challenging and, for me, leads to a grumbling and ungrateful heart. I must remember that my life has been perfectly carved out by the loving and gracious hands of my Maker. Nothing is wrong, nothing should be changed, this is God's perfect way for me, as hard as that can be to accept. So, I started to ask myself yesterday, "Heather, what do you think you deserve?" I don't deserve the 2 girls I have. I don't deserve my husband, my friends, my family. I don't deserve my home. I don't deserve my clothes, my health, my next breath. I don't deserve my salvation, God's gift of grace, His mercies that are new each day. I don't deserve anything...and I didn't even deserve Alivia. BUT, God allowed me the gift of having her for 5 weeks and 2 days...I didn't deserve that.

So, on the way home today, we were driving through a part of town where many internationals live. The homes were run down and small. Many people were walking in the rain because they didn't have transportation. We even drove by a mom and dad walking with 2 little girls on a big main road, in the cold rain. It was a family just like ours. I, again, was reminded of all that I have that I don't deserve. I have much to be grateful for. Although this doesn't take the ache away from my heart and doesn't make me miss my girl less, it does help provide needed perspective to me. I am an undeserving woman who has been blessed in countless ways. And whatever the future may hold for me, if life gets harder, if the Lord gives or takes away, regardless, I have already enjoyed more blessings than I deserve or could count, the first and foremost being my salvation. I MUST remember this!

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust." - Psalm 103:1-5, 8-14