More baby steps

They actually have felt like giant steps, but I am experiencing grace nonetheless. Over the last few days I have been thinking about the past 6 weeks a lot...and at times wondering how I ever got through the initial days. It magnifies grace in my eyes because it has been pure grace and strength from above. I am weak...very weak.

I continue to be very forgetful, have moments of intense crying and often lack motivation to do just about anything. However, we are making progress by taking more steps, and seeing us being carried by our Savior.

*This past weekend we kept our tradition in going to cut down a Christmas tree. I really did not want to go, but knew I needed to. Again, grace carried me. We got a small little one this year, so that decorating would be simple.
*On Saturday, with the help of my sister, I was able to pull out a few decorations. I cut some of the wonderful boxwood and holly we have in our yard and used that to add simple Christmas color to a few rooms.
*Dave went on his first business trip around 4am yesterday morning. It is the first time we have been apart for 2 days and, more challenging, for a night. Selah was up a good part of Sunday night with a very severe ear infection (her 3rd in 6 weeks). Waking up in the middle of the night is hard for me as it is a painful reminder that I no longer have my baby girl to wake up for. However, the Lord helped me. Yesterday, Selah had periods of intense screaming and was inconsolable. However, I was very aware of grace in that I seemed numb to all going on around me and my circumstances...I only cried once yesterday. I woke up this morning and realized the Lord had carried me through a whole day and night without Dave and caring for a sick little girl - a huge baby step for me.

I have been reading a particular page in Beside Still Waters for a number of days now...I can't seem to get beyond it. It has helped me through the past week, facing a number of difficult "baby steps." I have spent time crying over it as well as praying through it.

Call Upon Me - Psalm 50:15

Spurgeon writes, "Oh Lord, You see how great my trouble is! It is heavy. I cannot carry it, and I cannot get rid of it. It follows me to bed, and it will not let me sleep. When I rise, it is still with me. I cannot shake it off. My trouble is unusual. Few are as afflicted as I am. Please give me extraordinary help, for my trouble is crushing. If you do not help, I will soon be broken! This is good reasoning and good pleading.

Turn your adversity to advantage. Go to the Lord this moment and say, 'Lord, do you not hear me? You have commanded me to pray. I, though I am evil, would not tell anyone to ask me for something unless I intended to honor their request. I would not urge them to ask for help if I meant to refuse it.'

When God tells you to call on Him, He will deal compassionately with you. You are not urged to pray in the hour of trouble to experience deeper disappointment. God knows that you have trouble enough without the added burden of unanswered prayer. The Lord will not unnecessarily add even a quarter of an ounce to your burden. When He tells you to call on Him, you may call on Him without fear of failure.

So plead the time, please the trouble, plead the command, and then plead with God. Speak reverently, but with belief, 'Lord, it is You Yourself to whom I appeal. You said, "Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you" (Ps. 50:15). So, Lord, by Your truth, by Your faithfulness, by Your immutability, and by Your love, I, a poor sinner, heartbroken and crushed, call on You in the day of trouble. Help me. Help me soon, or else I die.'

If I were in trouble, I would pray like David, Elijah, or Daniel in the power of this promise, 'Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.' "