Addie is 2

Yesterday was little Addie's birthday. I just can't wrap by brain around the fact that she is 2 already. This little girl is such a joy to her family and she is much loved. Addie holds a special place in all our hearts as the Lord used her life to bring us joy in the midst of much sorrow.

December 18, 2009 is still so very vivid in my mind. I remember looking at her, after just giving birth, and feeling warm tears stream down my face. I was overwhelmed that the Lord had given me another little girl. From the initial hours after Alivia died, the one thing I longed for was another little baby girl. And here she was.

Happy Birthday, Addie! We love you.

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Hailey + Ty

Dave took this picture while we were at my dads this past weekend for his 65th birthday. Does Hailey not look more like a Plunnecke kid than one of our kids?

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Truth from Spurgeon

It's been a challenging week for me on many fronts. Esther sent me the following Spurgeon quotes which were very timely...

From Morning and Evening.

April 29 - Morning

"Thou art my hope in the day of evil." — Jeremiah 17:17

The path of the Christian is not always bright with sunshine; he has his seasons of darkness and of storm. True, it is written in God's Word, "Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace;" and it is a great truth, that religion is calculated to give a man happiness below as well as bliss above; but experience tells us that if the course of the just be "As the shining light that shineth more and more unto the perfect day," yet sometimes that light is eclipsed. At certain periods clouds cover the believer's sun, and he walks in darkness and sees no light.

There are many who have rejoiced in the presence of God for a season; they have basked in the sunshine in the earlier stages of their Christian career; they have walked along the "green pastures" by the side of the "still waters," but suddenly they find the glorious sky is clouded; instead of the Land of Goshen they have to tread the sandy desert; in the place of sweet waters, they find troubled streams, bitter to their taste, and they say, "Surely, if I were a child of God, this would not happen." Oh! say not so, thou who art walking in darkness. The best of God's saints must drink the wormwood; the dearest of His children must bear the cross.

No Christian has enjoyed perpetual prosperity; no believer can always keep his harp from the willows. Perhaps the Lord allotted you at first a smooth and unclouded path, because you were weak and timid. He tempered the wind to the shorn lamb, but now that you are stronger in the spiritual life, you must enter upon the riper and rougher experience of God's full-grown children. We need winds and tempests to exercise our faith, to tear off the rotten bough of self-dependence, and to root us more firmly in Christ. The day of evil reveals to us the value of our glorious hope.

April 29 - Evening

"The Lord taketh pleasure in His people." — Psalm 149:4

How comprehensive is the love of Jesus! There is no part of His people's interests which He does not consider, and there is nothing which concerns their welfare which is not important to Him. Not merely does He think of you, believer, as an immortal being, but as a mortal being too. Do not deny it or doubt it: "The very hairs of your head are all numbered." "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in His way" It were a sad thing for us if this mantle of love did not cover all our concerns, for what mischief might be wrought to us in that part of our business which did not come under our gracious Lord's inspection!

Believer, rest assured that the heart of Jesus cares about your meaner affairs. The breadth of His tender love is such that you may resort to Him in all matters; for in all your afflictions He is afflicted, and like as a father pitieth his children, so doth He pity you. The meanest interests of all His saints are all borne upon the broad bosom of the Son of God. Oh, what a heart is His, that doth not merely comprehend the persons of His people, but comprehends also the diverse and innumerable concerns of all those persons!

Dost thou think, O Christian, that thou canst measure the love of Christ? Think of what His love has brought thee — justification, adoption, sanctification, eternal life! The riches of His goodness are unsearchable; thou shalt never be able to tell them out or even conceive them. Oh, the breadth of the love of Christ! Shall such a love as this have half our hearts? Shall it have a cold love in return? Shall Jesus' marvellous lovingkindness and tender care meet with but faint response and tardy acknowledgment? O my soul, tune thy harp to a glad song of thanksgiving! Go to thy rest rejoicing, for thou art no desolate wanderer, but a beloved child, watched over, cared for, supplied, and defended by thy Lord.

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Tree hunt

The Saturday after Thanksgiving we took our annual trip to Gaver's Tree farm, to search for the perfect Christmas tree. Every year seems to be memorable, usually with some mishap or another. Two years ago, Kelly and I were waddling around getting ready pop a baby out any day (and Kelly did the very next day!). Thankfully we found trees in record time. Last year it was freezing cold and we had to bundle up babies and toddlers to plow through the fields. This year the weather cooperated, but there was so much dew on the grass that everyone's feet were soaking wet...so instead of going out for lunch like we normally do, we headed home to change pants and get dry socks on.

But as always, we were able to find beautiful trees. Here are some pictures from our day...

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My perfectly imperfect world

This is just some musings of mine lately...

I have come to see, with each new gift of life, how imperfect life is. And because life gets more busy, there is nothing I can do about it. But I'm ok with it and am coming to embrace this perfectly imperfect life of mine. The house is a bit more messy, and those messes stick around a bit longer. Things are not done to completion or not done at all and things that are done to completion are quite imperfect because little hands have helped in it. My sister is comforted when she comes over these days and comments that my house finally looks like hers!

Here is a little example...

Our Christmas traditions started two days after Thanksgiving, when we went to cut down our tree. We put the tree up, but it wasn't touched for 3 days. In my perfect world the tree would have been decorated in a day. The girls kept asking each day why the tree wasn't decorated yet. Well, mommy just hadn't gotten around to climbing through storage to get all the boxes down. (BTW, Dave continues to work a ton these days. His job requires much of him. When he's not on travel puts in lots of hours at home. This past week I think he topped out around 65 hours. Crazy. We're hoping it levels out soon.) So, much of this kind of stuff is mommy's job these days. Which is fine, but just takes a bit longer to get done.

We finally got the lights and ornaments down and lights...did I mention lights? Then we get half the tree all strung with lights, only to find out that all the rest of the lights are broken. Another day goes by with our half lit tree. I drag all the girls out in the cold rain to go to Michaels for more lights. Fast forward a few hours, tree fully lit, but baby is screaming, and we've got a blow out diaper. The big girls beg to start decorating and I say ok. I come back about a half hour later to see ornament boxes thrown all over the living room floor and ornaments hung all over the bottom of the tree. Perfect world - we would have been able to do this as a family over hot chocolate and Christmas music and I would have been there the whole time, showing the girls how to place the ornaments evenly on the tree. I will have to say it looked a whole lot better than I would have expected. Mckenna has a pretty artistic eye. I only put on a few cause I was busy trying to collect all the boxes and paper from the floor and find matches.

That night I had to wait until baby was finally asleep and Addie in bed to even attempt to decorate. In my perfect world, I would have done this over the course of a day with the girls, carefully thinking through how I wanted to place everything. But instead, tired and wanting to get to bed, I put things up quickly. I also wanted to surprise Mckenna the next day when she woke up. However, she didn't notice and I had to point out to her that mommy finally did decorate! "Oh" she said :). It's perfectly imperfect, but all these things are reminders of the gifts of life around that take up more of my time and energy. One day these little sweet lives won't be around anymore and I'll have all the time I need to do things like this. But I know I'll completely miss the life around me and want those days back. So, I'll just do what I can cause I want to enjoy them. The years are going by way too fast. My days can be long, but the years are way too short.

In my perfect world, I'd be able to post more things like this...I have lots of thoughts, experiences and life lessons that I'd love to record more of these days, but just don't seem to have the time to do that. In my perfect world I would be more organized, have lots of pictures to show along to way of our Christmas season so far, but I don't. Life to me is perfectly imperfect. Just the way it is for everyone. I think there is a purpose in that. Actually many purposes...to quench my pride, to make me desperate and show me how much I need a perfect Savior. I've already sinned much this week against my busy girls and husband. I don't want to get caught up in all that I need (err...want) to get done and forget to live out before little watching eyes what Christmas is about...A Savior coming to save imperfect people. May the Lord help me to remember this as we'll probably get to less traditions because of a tired momma, crying babies, hungry kids, and poopy diapers. But I want to be a peaceful mom, and enjoy this season with my children and husband in this perfectly imperfect world of ours, that I love!

Btw, just to get this post typed out I've let Addie play with a tube of glue. It's perfectly smeared all over now. Off to clean that up!

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Happy Birthday, Mckenna!

I can't believe you're 8 years old! You've become such a help to your momma and I'm so glad I get to have you around each day. You've grown this year in seeking to look for ways to serve and love others, especially those who are sad and in need of extra love and care. I am so grateful to have you as a daughter and am so enjoying watching you grow up...I just never thought it would happen so fast!

I hope you enjoy your birthday today. We love you so very much!



Dave gave Mckenna this bag today that he had gotten on one of his business trips. Mckenna wanted to take a picture with it!

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Happy Thanksgiving!

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My girls

If any of us were to think that I'd never have a picture of all my girls together, well think again. This is what happens when Kristen babysits for me...

Thanks, my friend!

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3 years...

that our sweet girl has been with Jesus.

One dear friend has faithfully driven out to the cemetery where Alivia is buried every November 2nd and left a note to her. One of the reasons I'm so encouraged by this expression of care is because it reminds me that her short life was not wasted and that God has used this trial in our lives and in the lives of so many for good. This year I was so blessed to once again see that my friend had been there earlier in the day and left pink roses with this note:

Dear Alivia,
I think about you so much. I imagine what you'd be doing right now were you here with us. I imagine you'd be enjoying your family and running around. And yet I know you are in a safer place - a place where all of us would rather be! One of the many things you taught me was that this life is short and that we have a Father who longs to be with us forever and yet we have work to do here - to be made more like Him, to look more like Him and guess what? You being with Jesus has made your parents look more and more like Him! The Lord knew that they would bring glory to Him in this life and so many of us remember you, look at them, and see Jesus in them. They are stronger, wiser, braver and more loving because of you. While today makes all of us cry, we cry with hope because of who you are with.
Missing you today, Alivia.

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Our refuge and strength

A friend gave me a wonderful book as a birthday gift recently that I've slowly been working through. It's called 90 Days of God's Goodness, by Randy Alcorn. It's full of daily readings on various topics related to suffering. It's a perfect read for a new mom who doesn't have a hunk of time for devos. Anyway, I opened up the book today and what I read could not have been more perfect on this eve of November 2.

"Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing'...Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord , who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Pslam 16:1-2, 5-11

"God is the source of all good things. He is our refuge. Those who recognize his presence and call upon him, those who live with a daily awareness of the eternal pleasures he has promised us, those who set the Lord always before them, in the end will not be shaken.

An unskilled truck driver who obtained his license through bribery allowed a large object to fall from his truck onto a Milwaukee freeway in front of Scott and Janet Willis's van. Their gas tank exploded, killing six of their children.

Standing before cameras and microphones, Scott Willis said:

The depth of our pain is indescribable. However, the Bible expresses our feelings that we sorrow, but not as those without hope. What gives us our firm foundation for hope are the words of God found in Scripture...Ben, Joe, Sam, Hank, Elizabeth and Peter are all with Jesus Christ. We know where they are. Our strength rests in God's Word.

Fourteen years after the tragic event, Janet told me, 'Today I have a far greater understanding of the goodness of God than I did before the accident.' This might have taken my breath away had I not already heard it from others who've also endured unspeakable suffering. At the end of our two-hour conversation, Scott Willis stated, 'I have a stronger view of God's sovereignty than ever before.'

Scott and Janet did not say that the accident itself strengthened their view of God's sovereignty. Indeed, Scott's overwhelming sense of loss initially prompted suicidal thoughts. Rather, their faith grew as they threw themselves upon God for grace to live each day. 'I turned to God for strength,' Janet said, 'because I had no strength.' She went to the Bible with a hunger for God's presence, and he met her. 'I learned about him. He made sense when nothing else made sense. If it weren't for the Lord, I would have lost my sanity.'

Is that denial? Is it wishful thinking? Or is it the real power and transforming grace of God that came in suffering? I'm convinced it was God's grace.

I asked Scott and Janet, 'What would you say to those who reject the Christian faith because they think that no plan of God - nothing at all - could possibly be worth the suffering of your children and your suffering over all these years?'

'Eternity is a long time,' Janet replied. 'It will be worth it. Our children's suffering was brief, and they have the eternal joy of being with God. We and their grandparents have suffered since. But our suffering has been small compared to our children's joy. Fourteen years is a short time compared to eternity. We'll be with them there, forever.'

La Rochefoucauld may have best captured the difference between one person's lost faith and another's deepened faith in the face of suffering: 'A great storm puts out a little fire, but it feeds a strong one.' "

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A gift...

from Kristen. Found the link to this video sitting in my inbox a few days ago and just cried as I watched it. Thanks, my friend! This meant a lot. More than you know.

hailey hope from Kristen Leigh on Vimeo.

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My HOPE is in you

Ever since naming our baby girl, Hailey HOPE, I've thought a lot about what hope is and the truth that, when rightly place in the Lord, it really does help carry us through the trials of life.

I've been listening to this song by Aaron Shust tonight. The words are packed with truth and hope.

Over the last 3 years I've come to realize that my soul needs trials and storms, although I would never choose them. I'm very quick to put my hope in this life and the things of this world. It's trials that redirect my gaze and force me to set my hope on heaven and eternity. I've seen firsthand how they work for good in my life...even the hardest of storms, although I may not fully understand them.

"My hope is in you, Lord, all the day long. I won't be shaken by drought or storm. A peace that passes understanding is my song. And I sing, my hope is in you, Lord."

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Tiny toes

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3 weeks

Loving this little life that the Lord has given us.

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Hailey's first bath

clean, dry, warm and happy...

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1 week

Happy one week, sweet baby girl!

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3 years

It's been 3 years since Alivia was given to us for 5 short weeks. I'll never forget the day she entered our lives. Today we celebrated her birthday, and at the same time grieved her loss. It was a day full of mixed emotions for me, like nothing I think I've ever experienced. From kissing my newborn baby's tender cheeks and being amazed at her life one moment, to then feeling the pain of missing the one that I only got to hold for such a short time...

Despite how challenging work has been for Dave, he fought hard to take today off and did! It was great to spend the day with the family. We headed out this morning to visit the cemetery. It just happened that Alivia's stone was finally installed this past weekend. The timing was perfect. It's been a very long haul for us to get this memorial stone in place. And it was so wonderful to drive up and see it siting there, in memory of our little girl.

Throughout the day a few very faithful friends stopped by with pink flowers, gifts and notes to express care. And so many emails filled our inboxes from those remembering with us. I never cease to be amazed at how many friends do remember and take the time to express their care. It just shouts the Father's love to us and helps carry the burden that we still feel from our loss.

This afternoon we took the big girls out to the mall. Since we were celebrating Alivia's birthday, but could not give gifts to her, Dave told Mckenna and Selah that he wanted to get a gift for each of them to make the day special. They rode the train around the mall, got candy from the candy store and picked out a gift. It was a great memory! My heart was very full as we drove away with their smiling faces. They were obviously very tickled by their presents and sugar highs!

We came home to my sister at the house, with a wonderful meal made. She never ceases to amaze me by her care. Then this evening we sat around the table and just chatted and then I took time to look at pictures. A sweet day...remembering.

Selah picked flowers to put on Alivia's stone...

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Hailey Hope Castro

We are completely in love with our new little girl. Her arrival was a bit different than any of her sisters. Here is a little of her story and some pictures too.

I had more contractions leading up to this labor than ever before. I had a few times when I woke up thinking this was it...only to get up and have the contractions taper off. This past Tuesday night I woke up after about an hour of sleep to a contraction. They proceeded to come every now and then, nothing regular and not unusual. But they did keep me up all night long. In the morning, after a few more hours of irregular but fairly strong contractions, Dave, Kelly and I went to the doctor's office. Before I knew it I was being rolled over to the hospital at almost 7cm. The big change in this story is that I did get an epidural! After going completely natural with all my other 4 labors, my doctor and nurse convinced me to give it a try. I was completely exhausted from being up all night and quite frankly just didn't want to go through transition and then the pushing (my least favorite part). And it really was the Lord that I ended up getting it.

It turned out that Hailey was facing the wrong direction. Instead of face down, she was sunny side up. The doctor told me, I would most likely have to push harder, longer and was more prone to tear. That was all I needed to hear to know that it was God's kindness that lead me to get the meds! On top of that the doctor actually turned the baby while I was pushing and, let's just say, that would have probably sent me through the roof if I hadn't had any pain relief.

I have to say it was a great experience and Dave's opinion is that it was the most peaceful delivery. There are pros and cons both ways of natural vs. meds, but this time I think the pros far outweighed the cons, hands down...just ask my husband!

We had a few names we were debating on, and as usual for us, it was the last minute that we decided. However, I knew if it was a girl I wanted the middle name to be Hope. Since Alivia, we have learned more than ever, what it means to hope in God and His promises. We have grown more in our confident expectation of God's promises and of our eternity with Him.

Here are some pictures from Hailey's birth and meeting her family for the first time...

Labor...

This is the only picture I have of my big belly...I never got around to taking a belly shot in the last few weeks. Thanks to my sister for taking all these pictures.









Meeting her sisters (Thanks to Kristen for these shots)...






















Getting ready to leave the hospital...



Coming home...

Pictures from here on out might, unfortunately might be a little scarce...my camera broke the day we arrived home with Hailey. An extreme disappointment for me. But I'm sure I'll manage to borrow my sister's soon to capture some more memories.

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