This....has changed me more

I recently read a post on Molly Piper's blog. One sentence that she wrote at the very end was very applicable to me. I had previously, over the past few weeks, been thinking about how the Lord is using the loss of my precious baby to change me in so many ways...and how I'm not sure I would have changed to this extent if I still had Alivia. It's a hard truth to swallow and I can't really wrap my fingers around it. I can't process in my puny brain how it all works. Not sure I need to or want to. I'm just aware that I miss her and want her back, yet see the incredibly work that the Lord is doing in her absence.

I join the cry, "Lord make it something beautiful."

Molly wrote,

"One of my dear friends through this process (who is older and wiser than me, thank God) shared with me recently about a grief she’d been facing in her life. Something she said really stood out to me. She told me, 'I’m gonna drink this painful cup all the way down, just drain it. And I’m gonna ask the Lord to make it something beautiful.'

I’m at a point where I want to see the beauty of what God has for me here. It means that some days are really hard. It means that I’m going to places in my soul that I didn’t know existed before this. It means that I’m a different person. But I’m getting more comfortable with the Molly who’s been asked to bear this grief. I’m relaxing into the transformation a little more now.

I wish every day that I would get to hear Felicity’s new words, listen to her post-nap singing, change her stinky diapers. Yet I know that losing her has changed me more than getting to raise her would have. That’s a hard reality, but it’s the reality I live with.

Lord, make it something beautiful."