Helpful truths
During this grieving process, I have at times struggled with the question of whether what has happened was the correction of the Lord. I have thought back to months previous, trying to figure out if there was sin in my life or whether I was not pursuing the Lord as I should have. This past year has proved to be the most busy and trying times of my life. We moved twice (once to my moms and then to our current home), had a challenging buying process, I was pregnant and then was trying to get settled before baby came. I remember in my last trimester feeling that my devotions were dry. I was having times with the Lord daily, but felt distracted. So, since Alivia passed, I have wondered if this was the Lord's way of getting my attention back or because I was not pursuing him like I should have been or even if my sin had anything to do with all this. It was a painful question in my mind.
Two nights ago Dave and I were in bed and he was reading to me from his favorite book right now, Children of the Living God. It's a book about our adoption into Christ's family and God as our Father. I have yet to read it, but look forward to doing so. Honestly, I was tired and I was not taking in as much as I would have liked, despite how hard I was trying to concentrate. However, Dave said something to me that so served me soul. He said, "God, as our Father, would not correct us for something if we didn't know why He was correcting us." I immediately thought to my own life, and how I would never discipline my girls if they were not clear on why. And, if that is the case with me, being a sinner, how much more is that truth relevant of God. He is merciful. I was able to rest that night, knowing that if ever a trial was God's correction in my life, I would know why...there would not be painful questions in my mind.
Dave also reminded me of Job and how Scripture talks about him as a man who "was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil" (Job 1:1). Yet, he faced severe trials.
Joe Lee reminded me a few weeks ago that thinking we can control events like this, makes us out to be more powerful and bigger than God. No, God is the one in control and He is the one ordering all events in our lives for our good, despite how painful and hard they may be.
These truths have helped put those questions to rest and have helped bring peace to my soul.