Sickness, body and soul

This past week both girlies were a bit under the weather. On Thursday Mckenna started with a cold and cough. On Friday Selah woke up with a stomach bug...the throw up kind :o(. She must have thrown up sometime during the night and just gone back to sleep cause when I went to get her in the morning...it was everywhere! Poor little girl was so miserable that day. She kept asking to eat...she calls all meals, "nunch." So, whenever she is hungry she says, "nunch? nunch?" We only could give her liquids and a few crackers. We thought she was over the worst of it and gave her milk the next morning...bad idea! Up it all came in her crib again. But that was the last time she threw up. She still is walking around asking for "nunch" often, but doesn't really eat much when we give her anything. But she is definitely on the mends. No one else has caught it yet, and I am so grateful.

What is Selah like when she is sick? Well, let me just say that by the end of the day on Friday...and Saturday....and Sunday I was in need of some fresh perspective on mothering. Every time I left her side, she was screaming and throwing a fit. I spent a lot of time just holding her and watching movies with her. If I wasn't doing that she was very much discontent. That combined with my nausea and feelings of extreme weakness from being pregnant, I was very much struggling by the end of each day. The girls were not the only ones sick, my soul was ill as well. I was impatient with the both girls, discontent with what I didn't "get done," and was comparing myself to super-moms who can seem to be able to multi-task and get it all done, even with sick kids and a pregnant body. In fact, even this post, which I have tried to get done for a few days now, left me discouraged. I realized that I needed some truth and Dave has been helpful in directing my eyes and thoughts to where they need to be.

First and foremost, Dave diagnosed my condition well...I had lost sight of the gospel. I was believing the lie that my worth and righteousness comes from my accomplishments. I was believing that I deserved comfort, recognition, and ease. I had lost sight of the value of just being a wife and mom (and nothing more) and caring for my family. I needed to renew my mind in the truths of what Christ accomplished for me and that my life is meant to be one of dieing to myself and laying myself down for the benefit of others....and in this I will find joy! I needed to believe that my strength is not found in myself (because I have absolutely none!!), but in another who holds all the strength and support that my weak body and soul need.

Dave has said many helpful things to me over the past few days, but I think him reminding me of the gospel and directing my eyes toward the Cross was the absolute remedy that I needed. And even to stay there, at the Cross, I need help! Because (and I am reminded of that hymn) how I am "prone to wander, oh I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Take my heart, oh, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

I have chatted with a few friends over the past day or so, which has also proved so helpful. One , in particular, reminded me of something so simple, that helped so much. She said, "Heather, sometimes just sitting, holding your little girl is going to mean more to her and minister to her more than her seeing you running around doing things for her." (Thanks, Esther!).

Today has not been much different from the past few, in that I still did not do all that I would have liked to. My weak body and feelings of nausea are a constant humbling reminder to me of how much I need God...more than I need to get things done. Oh, that I will embrace this season and all the Lord has to show me!

Selah enjoying her pedialite ice pop

Even being sick, she still said "cheese!"