End of year Farm Class picnic

Finally some pictures to share. We have been working hard the past few months to finish up 1st grade for Mckenna so we could jump right into 2nd and K for Selah. My goal is to get half way through this next year BEFORE baby #5 comes (sometime the end of September)...we'll see if I make it. But we've started at a slow pace and Mckenna is now telling everyone she's in 2nd grade!


Anyway, one of the highlights of her 1st grade year was the farm class she participated in. It's hard to believe its over already. The last day was this past Tuesday and was celebrated by a picnic and little ceremony honoring each student. Siblings and parents were included, so Kelly and I showed up with all ours in tow...minus Addie. I got to leave her home. The day was concluded by playtime in the creek and all the kids came out soaked! But they had a blast.

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Why grammar scares me

In my planning for next year's homeschool year (which we are supposed to have already started because of baby #5 coming in September) I came across this funny video. It hit home with me because the one thing that scares me the most about homeschooling is GRAMMAR! Actually, anything related to Language Arts scares me and if there is one area of schooling that I'm afraid I will mess up my girls, it's this one.





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Update {and a good read}

I only have a few moments before I need to hit the sack. I've had to be very disciplined lately to get to bed fairly soon after I get the girls tucked in. That's mainly so that I have the energy to go strong and hard the next day especially since I'm starting to feel big and pregnant and very tired. I just asked my sister the other day, "where's that high energy 2nd trimester rush I'm supposed to get???" And that's why it's, once again, been quiet on the blog.


Dave has been gone at least part of the last 7 out of 8 weeks on business trips. Work continues to be tough and demanding for him and requires a lot of his time and energy. Which obviously means more is required of me around here, and I have less time to do some of the things I used to in the evenings. But those things can wait and I'm grateful for the things the Lord is showing me in this season.

On top of that, my mom just had major surgery last Wed. She had a total knee replacement and apparently its one of the most painful surgeries you can have. It's been very tough on her and it's hard to see her in so much pain. But she's home now and is very grateful for that! But it's been extra busy around here.

I was motivated to put a quick post up because of an article a friend sent me today that made me both laugh and cry. Along with that and a quote that I received last week, I know the Lord is encouraging and teaching me in the area of parenting. One of my struggles lately (err...the past 2 1/2 years) is in this arena of mothering. Going from one trial to the next and now with Dave gone so much and needing to work a lot of weekends, it can be a temptation to think that we are not doing as much of this or that with the girls that I think we should. I can look at other families and compare their efforts with my exhausted ones lately. I can't seem to fit into one day what I want to with them and sometimes wonder if they even know any more stories in the Bible besides, Jesus died on the Cross! Anyway, with that constantly in the back of my mind, I found myself reading this article, by Kevin DeYoung, that greatly encouraged me. I laughed through most of it and cried at the end. For those of you who are also walking through a tough season and feeling inadequate lately in this area, I hope this encourages you as well. And here is the great quote I also referred to as well:

"As my children see me in the deep waters of life, being tested to my core and still holding on to my Lord and choosing to believe the best, this observation will prepare them for their own trials, which will surely come. They will know that He will guide and forgive them as they lead an imperfect but devoted life before a loving Father who has always met their mother's needs!"
(Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood.)




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Easter reminder

I came downstairs early this morning to a card and my favorite candy sitting on the counter, left by my wonderful husband. The past few weeks and months have had their challenges for us and I have felt weary often. This card spoke such wonderful reminders to me, and along with the rich worship at church this morning, I felt refreshed by the gospel truths today. Here are a few lines which Dave wrote:


"He is risen! Such good news for all of us. We truly need a risen, triumphant and grace dispensing Savior King.

Grateful today that He is risen because we are no longer dead in our sins but have been made alive together with Him, and hope is not going to disappoint us. Hope for sins power to be powerless, hope for Christ's righteousness to clothe us, hope for His living and active Word which we believe to penetrate and make our daughters new creations, hope that one day anxious toil will cease, there will be no more sin, pain, or suffering; all wrongs will be made right, all things will be made new 'and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.' "

When I have been at my lowest points over the last few years, facing the storms of life, it is ALWAYS and only the gospel and rich truths of the Word which restore and strengthen my weak heart. How often I turn to and look to other things to bring rest to my soul, but it's always futile. I'm grateful for Easter today, which has reminded me of our Risen Savior and the hope that He has secured for us, even amidst the fierce storms in life.

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A sweet and bitter providence

"Life is a winding and troubled road, switchback after switchback, and the point of biblical stories is to help us feel in our bones, not just know in our heads that God is for us in all these strange turns. The life of the godly is not a straight line to glory, it's more like a dark and seemingly unknown trail through the mountains. There are rock slides and slippery curves and hairpin turns that make you go backward in order to go forward. But along this hazardous, twisted road that doesn't let you see very far ahead, and may even make you feel like you've been lead to the edge of a cliff, God gives us encouragement and hope that all the perplexing turns in our lives are going somewhere good. Often when we think God is farthest from us or has even turned against us, the truth is that he is laying the foundation for greater happiness in our lives. God is plotting for our joy, he is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ. That is a sweet and bitter providence." - John Piper

....I'm looking forward to reading this book.

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A big move

One of the most monumental events of the past few months was my mom selling her home and moving in with us. She had lived in her home for almost 33 years! It's the only home I remember growing up as I was barely 2 when we moved there. So, it was bittersweet to say good bye to it. But it's been our desire since we moved to one day have mom live with us so it's exciting to see this become a reality. God was kind in that she put her house on the market in February and 3 weeks later had it completely sold and settled.

A number of weeks ago we all went over there for one last dinner and to say good bye to the house. It felt strange, but yet the same to be there. I was not feeling well that night and brought my camera. I remember sitting on the couch after dinner and the last thing I wanted to do was get up and walk around and take pictures. But I made myself do it! I didn't take many, just a few to remember the old place by.

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A reason for the silence

This...

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little bitty baby has caused his or her mamma to be very very sick for the past few months.

I gave up blogging and much of my life on the computer (actually much of anything but the very slim basics of life) for a few months until I started to turn a corner. And we are starting to turn...but slowly. However, I can now actually manage to do some things in the evening, where before all I could do was lay on the couch with my eyes closed, hoping to keep down my dinner, until it was time to crawl upstairs and into bed.

I feel very behind in a lot of things now and trying to strategize how to catch up a bit. BUT, we are incredibly excited for this little surprise that the Lord has brought into our lives.

I'm almost 15 weeks and due on September 28...just 2 days after Alivia's birthday.

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sick sick SICK

We've just come off of a 4 week marathon of sicknesses in our house, ending with me. I made it through 3 weeks of caring for sick little ones and a sick husband and thought I was safe and clear...until last Saturday. I came down with a killer flu and was in bed with a fever and host of other symptoms for 4 days straight. I'm just now starting to get some energy back, but am still very weak.

So many people came to my rescue to help with the girls and bring meals and Dave was heroic when he was home.

All this to say, we are eager for spring around here!

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Valentine's Day

About a month ago, I put up a few little decorations for Valentine's day around the house (thank you, Target, for your $1 aisle!). It was fun and the girls always love the excuse to celebrate anything. Mckenna could not wait for her heart pancakes and was counting down the days until Valentine's day.

Well, all seemed well yesterday morning. Most sickness seemed to be at bay. I have not been feeling that great, but was able to make the promised heart-shaped blueberry pancakes. Well, shortly after breakfast Mckenna announced that she was not feeling well and quickly came down with a high fever, which Selah now has today. Mckenna was so disappointed that she was sick on Valentine's Day, the day she had been looking forward to for so long.

Last night Dave took me out for dinner and that was a sweet time. He took me to an Italian restaurant in Bethesda, Positano's. And we reminisced of our honeymoon in Italy, where we visited the little town Positanos.

Here are some pictures, which you'll notice Selah is the star in. Mckenna was laid out on the couch.

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My best attempt at heart pancakes...use a little imagination!

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Blueberry pancake face

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The perfect storm

I disappeared from the blogging world and the whole internet, really, for the past few weeks. We had a lot of unusual circumstances collide all at once around here and I have been unable to spend time blogging or taking pictures or doing much besides the absolute basics. As Dave and I talked a couple of nights ago about the last few weeks, he hit the nail on the head when he said to me, "it was kinda like the perfect storm for you." To many details and events to go into, but I'm hoping in the next few weeks to catch up a bit.

For now, thank you all for praying for Addie's surgery. It went very well. We had her post-op appointment this week and her doctor wants to keep her tube in for 3-6 months to make sure the tear duct completely opens up and stays open. She doesn't seem to mind it at all.

We lost a night or two of sleep after the surgery. She didn't respond as well as most kids do to the anesthesia. Apparently most sleep a lot, but she did just the opposite. Then she got really sick a few days after this and we lost another 3 nights of sleep. I personally think this little girls has absolutely no pain tolerance, poor thing! That combined with Dave being out of town for 2 weeks straight and good number of other circumstances, I went into survival mode around here!

I'll have to blow the dust off my camera and take some more shots in the coming days to share. Addie, as well as the other girls, seem like they've grown a ton!

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Addie

On a lighter note than my previous post, please pray for Addie today. We go in this morning for a minor eye surgery to unclog one of her tear ducts. It's a very uncomplicated and quick surgery, but nonetheless they do need to put her out and her momma is looking forward to it being over. We have help from my dad and step mom, who are caring for the big girls today and tomorrow so I can focus on being with Addie and caring for her. I"m sure she'll do great...she's such a happy baby!

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Thinking on heaven

Our past week has been full of heavy hearted moments. Our church family lost 2 very dear members. One was a father, husband, and friend named John Spiro who was in his 50's, he died of ALS. The other was a young daughter, sister and friend, named Amy Calderone just 19 years old. She passed away from a brain hemorrhage.

All week I thought about posting, but didn't really know what to say. We didn't know them well, but the past week I spend many a moment praying, some crying. One person asked me if it was hard hearing about Amy, if it brought everything back that we've been through. Yes it does, but for me I think the hardest part was just contemplating another family having to walk this road of such deep pain.

However, being at the memorial services this weekend for these dear saints, was refreshing and provoking. Dave and I left, freshly aware of the brevity of life and encouraged by the way the Lord is meeting these families and, in ways, prepared them for these trials. Both John and Amy were both so hungry for heaven. Then yesterday, Josh Harris gave a phenomenal message on death and heaven in response to this past week. I left with so many mixed emotions and also encouraged as I thought on heaven.

Please pray for these two families as, in many ways, their grief has just begun and they have long roads to walk. Pray for sustaining grace and help from the Lord and that they would physically feel His presence carrying them.

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Christmas at Nani's

A combo of not taking enough pictures and too few coming out well, left me with just these. But I'm grateful for them. It was a bittersweet day for me at my moms for many reasons. She is going to be selling her house very soon, the home that I spent my last 32 Christmas' at. All of my childhood memories revolve around that home and it will be hard to say good-bye to it. But, on the flip side, my mom is going to be living with us, and we are all so excited for that day to come!

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Christmas morning

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Christmas Eve

Starting Christmas Eve, here are some highlights with the Castro family...


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Opa with the grandkids

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Addie eating Puerto Rican plaintains

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Lily Lou

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Mamma and Addie


Presents...
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Hearts at rest

"I would like to say that my heart is at rest, but I can't.

I would like to think that I always rest in God's care, but I don't.
I would love to declare that my faith is unwavering, but it isn't.
I wish it was a fact that fear is a thing of my past, but it simply isn't.
It would be nice to know that trust's struggle is over, but it isn't.
I wish I never wanted to be my own sovereign, but I do.
I want to have unbroken rest in the hand of God's love, but I don't.
I long to face difficulty without question or doubt, but I don't.
I do not want to re-question my Father's love, but I do.
I wish I never questioned the Lord's good plan, but I do.
The struggle is better than it once was, but not done.
My rest is more consistent that it used to be, but not complete.
My heart enjoys a greater ease than in earlier days of faith, but unrest comes.
I have lived with You and seen Your care, but questions come.
I have seen You do what I could not have conceived, but still doubt.
I have been in awe of the provisions of Your grace, but anxiety comes.
I have submitted myself to Your will and way, but still rebel.
So with rest in your forgiveness and confidence in Your power, I come.
With a needy heart that craves Your help, I pray:
'Help me, Father, today to let go of my need to always understand.
Enable me to live in rest when I don't know before what will happen.
Help me to have a restful heart when opposition is great, and all is You.' "
-Paul David Tripp

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Happy New Year!...and a great message

We had a great *after Christmas* week around here. It was our last week off from school, so I took advantage of it and we did a lot of purging old toys, organizing the play room, organizing some drawers and closets. The big girls were both sick for a few days, so we sat around and read books and laid low. We also had Dave's whole extended family over last night for a dinner and dessert party. So a big part of last week was getting ready for that - baking, cooking, and cleaning. A great annual tradition and it was so good to see everyone.

One morning last week I listened to this message, by Josh Harris, called Teach Us To Number Our Days, which he gave at our church on Dec. 26. We had missed the message. If you didn't hear it, it's a great message with some great truths to go into the new year with. Listen to it here.

The older I get the more I realize how short this life is...probably true for all of us. And especially after losing Alivia, I was struck with such a profound awareness of how temporal our days on earth are. In this new year, I want to grow more in numbering my days, and seeking to let go of the fleeting things for the sake of those that will last for eternity. I want to pray more, I want to read God's Word more, and through that, I hope to trust more.

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The Innkeeper

I read this, through tears, to my girls yesterday. It's a poem written by John Piper. He dedicated it to, "...all who ever lost a child."

You can also listen to him read it here.

To all those who are hurting today, I pray that as you consider the Savior and all He came to do, it would in some way be a comfort to you...


Jake's wife would have been fifty-eight
The day that Jesus passed the gate
Of Bethlehem, and slowly walked
Toward Jacob's Inn. The people talked
With friends, and children played along
The paths, and Jesus hummed a song,
And smiled at every child he saw.

He paused with one small lass to draw
A camel in the dirt, then said,
"What's this?" The girl bent down her head
To study what the Lord had made,
Then smiled, "A camel, sir!" and laid
Her finger on the bulging back,
"It's got a hump." "Indeed it does,
And who do you believe it was
Who made this camel with his hump?"
Without a thought that this would stump
The rabbi guild and be reviled,
She said, "God did." And Jesus smiled,
"Good eyes, my child. And would that all
Jerusalem within that wall
Of yonder stone could see the signs
Of peace!" He left the lass with lines
Of simple wonder in her face,
And slowly went to find the place
Where he was born.

Folks said the inn
Had never been a place for sin,
For Jacob was a holy man.
And he and Rachel had a plan
To marry, have a child or two,
And serve the folk who traveled through,
Especially the poor who brought
Their meal and turtle-doves, and sought
A place to stay near Zion's gate.
They'd rise up early, stay up late,
To help the pilgrims go and come,
And when the place was full, to some
Especially the poorest, they would say,
"We're sorry there's no room, but stay
Now if you like out back. There's lots
Of hay and we have extra cots
That you can use. There'll be no charge.
The stable isn't very large
But Noah keeps it safe." He was
A wedding gift to Jake because
The shepherds knew he loved the dog.
"There's nothing in the decalogue,"
He used to joke, "that says a man
Can't love a dog!"

The children ran
Ahead of Jesus as he strode
Toward Jacob's Inn. The stony road
That led up to the inn was deep
With centuries of wear, and steep
At one point just before the door.
The Lord knocked once then twice before
He heard an old man's voice, "‘Round back!"
It called. So Jesus took the track
That led around the inn. The old
Man leaned back in his chair and told
The dog to never mind. "Ain't had
No one to tend the door, my lad,
For thirty years. I'm sorry for
The inconvenience to your sore
Feet. The road to Jerusalem
Is hard ain't it? Don't mind old Shem.
He's harmless like his dad. Won't bite
A Roman soldier in the night.
Sit down." And Jacob waved the stump
Of his right arm. "We're in a slump
Right now. Got lots of time to think
And talk. Come, sit and have a drink.
From Jacob's well!" he laughed. "You own
The inn?" The Lord inquired. "On loan,
You'd better say. God owns the inn."
At that the Lord knew they were kin,
And ventured on: "Do you recall
The tax when Caesar said to all
The world that each must be enrolled?"
Old Jacob winced, "Are north winds cold?
Are deserts dry? Do fishes swim
And ravens fly? I do. A grim
And awful year it was for me.
Why do you ask?" "I have a debt
To pay, and I must see how much.
Why do you say that it was such
A grim and awful year?" He raised
The stump of his right arm, "So dazed,
Young man, I didn't know I'd lost
My arm. Do you know what it cost
For me to house the Son of God?"
The old man took his cedar rod
And swept it ‘round the place: "Empty.
For thirty years alone, you see?
Old Jacob, poor old Jacob runs
It with one arm, a dog and no sons.
But I had sons . . . once. Joseph was
My firstborn. He was small because
His mother was so sick. When he
Turned three the Lord was good to me
And Rachel, and our baby Ben
Was born, the very fortnight when
The blessed family arrived.
And Rachel's gracious heart contrived
A way for them to stay—there in
That very stall. The man was thin
And tired. You look a lot like him."
But Jesus said, "Why was it grim?"

"We got a reputation here
That night. Nothing at all to fear
In that we thought. It was of God.
But in one year the slaughter squad
From Herod came. And where do you
Suppose they started? Not a clue!
We didn't have a clue what they
Had come to do. No time to pray,
No time to run, no time to get
Poor Joseph off the street and let
Him say good-bye to Ben or me
Or Rachel. Only time to see
A lifted spear smash through his spine
And chest. He stumbled to the sign
That welcomed strangers to the place,
And looked with panic at my face,
As if to ask what he had done.
Young man, you ever lost a son?"

The tears streamed down the Savior's cheek,
He shook his head, but couldn't speak.

"Before I found the breath to scream
I heard the words, a horrid dream:
‘Kill every child who's two or less.
Spare not for aught, nor make excess.
Let this one be the oldest here
And if you count your own life dear,
Let none escape.' I had no sword
No weapon in my house, but Lord,
I had my hands, and I would save
The son of my right hand . . . So brave,
O Rachel was so brave! Her hands
Were like a thousand iron bands
Around the boy. She wouldn't let
Him go and so her own back met
With every thrust and blow. I lost
My arm, my wife, my sons—the cost
For housing the Messiah here.
Why would he simply disappear
And never come to help?"

They sat
In silence. Jacob wondered at
The stranger's tears.

"I am the boy
That Herod wanted to destroy.
You gave my parents room to give
Me life, and then God let me live,
And took your wife. Ask me not why
The one should live, another die.
God's ways are high, and you will know
In time. But I have come to show
You what the Lord prepared the night
You made a place for heaven's light.
In two weeks they will crucify
My flesh. But mark this, Jacob, I
Will rise in three days from the dead,
And place my foot upon the head
Of him who has the power of death,
And I will raise with life and breath
Your wife and Ben and Joseph too
And give them, Jacob, back to you
With everything the world can store,
And you will reign for evermore."

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Put your feet up

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Throughout this Christmas season the big girls and I have cuddled up on the couch, put our feet up and enjoyed this book by Nancy Guthrie. I'll have to say, I have probably enjoyed it the most, although Mckenna is benefitting. It's a little above Selah's head. But I have found it a great teaching tool this Christmas season and a reminder that I not only need to make room in my heart and schedule for all the busyness and things to do, but also for pausing and considering Jesus, my Savior. It has great questions and application as well as songs to sing together...which the girls love to do.

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Happy Birthday, Addie!

This amazing gift was given to us a year ago. Addie, we love you and are so grateful for you.

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H2O | Christmas

The Lord has blessed our family with wonderful memories so far this holiday season, many birthday celebrations and the blessing of being busy with much to do. However, I'm daily aware of so many who are grieving, struggling, without family, needy, and facing severe trials. Over the past few days, on a few occasions, my eyes have filled with tears as I've thought about this. I think there is a desire for our hearts, especially this time of year, to be light, cheery, carefree, there to be presents all around, parties, and laughter. But the reality is that we live in a sin-filled world, full of pain and sorrow. And during Christmastime, it can be especially felt. 2 years ago, our world was rocked. Christmastime was filled more with tears than it was all the things you think of when you think of this time of year. Somehow listening to Christmas music, decorating, baking, getting a Christmas tree, wrapping presents...all these things just didn't seem appropriate, nor did I want to do them that year.

As you enter into all the wonderful Christmas festivities, which are a great blessing and gift, also consider sharing the burdens of those you know who are struggling and grieving. Send a note, let them know you're praying for them. And tell them that they are not forgotten, nor what they are walking through. Loved ones who have been lost are especially missed and painful trials hurt even more around the holidays. In the year after we lost Alivia, I had a special friend who brought me little gifts on all the major holidays. It was a huge blessing and things like that mean so much and can help ease the deep pain.

That's it. Just a few thoughts as my heart was heavy tonight for all those who are burdened with trials and grief. I'm praying that for those experiencing pain will be comforted by the gift God sent to us, Emmanuel...He is, God with us.

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