Williamsport

About a month ago, we had the opportunity to go up to Mark's mom's huge historic house in Williamsport, MD for a cook out with the whole family. I've been wanting to see it for some time. I thoroughly enjoyed exploring the grounds, seeing the huge 7,000 sq. ft. house and all the little out buildings. The kids had an absolute blast and talked about it for days on end!

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4th of July

Our wonderful neighbors, the Reynolds, hosted a 4th of July picnic this year...

Later we all headed over to watch the fireworks in Gaithersburg!

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Catching up

So much has transpired over the last few weeks. Some wonderful happenings and other more deeper, challenging things that have helped me unpack what I'm clinging to, where my hope lies, what I'm living for, and also if my hope and faith are genuine.

Life has been a flurry of activity lately. We had a very spontaneous opportunity to get away for a few nights 2 weeks ago. Dave's dad owns a timeshare and wasn't going to use half of his week. So, he offered it to us. It was a wonderful free getaway. I only had about a 24 hour notice and had to pack up all our food and clothes and necessities....all on top of getting ready for our friends from Sweden to arrive the day we returned. So, we went away and came home to welcome Emil and Birgitta. They came to the States again for a wedding and it was a treat to spend more time with them.

Dave continues to travel almost every or every other week right now. And when he is home, he is often working late. It's been a very demanding season at work for him and for us at home. Things have been tough for us financially, much of it ripple effects after losing Alivia.

On top of all this, a few weeks ago we had to have our HVAC system in our house replaced. A big expense. Then, just a week later, we found out the transmission in our van is going and needs to be replaced, making it one of the most expensive things that can go wrong with our van! I think only a new engine might cost more! So, for the past few weeks we have been without our van. We have managed. We borrowed one to get away a few weeks ago, but other than that have been staying close to home.

With all this, I have not had much time to catch up on my blog, and with Dave gone, life can be especially busy. I literally have been spending almost every free night, studying homeschool stuff, reading up on what to get Addie next for her rash and how to make her creams/lotions.

Just the other day I was thinking back on the past number of months, which have been challenging for us in so many ways. When we moved here, I felt whole, was enjoying our home and my family and for 5 very short weeks, my 3 beautiful girls. Then forever my life was changed. That was the start of a journey we are still on and added to it many more deaths of loved ones and trials to bear. Now, I feel broken. And as I looked out the window thinking these thoughts recently, I realized, I am very broken...BUT I always was. Broken and needy. And Christ has saved me from my brokenness and provided for my greatest need, the salvation of my soul. We know that the Lord is at work in us and through all that we face, He continues to be good and sovereign. As the days pass, the events in our lives become more mysterious and my understanding fails. Even in this there is an underlying hope that carries me on...even on days when it seems so much easier to give up.

So that's been us lately! I hope to do better in the coming days, posting pictures of what we've been doing and of the girls.

Today, I'm grateful for my husband who is strong when I'm weak and trusts the Lord, not what he sees. I'm grateful for my girls, and although this summer already is very different from what I had planned and expected, I am thoroughly enjoying having them at home with me. I'm grateful for my sister, who sticks to me like glue and is committed to caring for me through the thick and the thin. Most of all, I'm grateful for my Savior who literally picks me up and carries me through every day because I have no strength to carry myself. He continues to lift my eyes above this world and helps me to fix them on what awaits me in heaven.

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What if...

That's a question that I've been regularly tempted to ask lately about a multitude of areas on our lives right now. "What if this....and what if that...?" It leaves me fearful and scared. It seems that things in our life have consistently for so long gone from hard to harder to yet even harder.

So, what should I do with all the "What ifs?" This...

"Do not forecast the future, but take each things as it comes to you, then look upon it as the present expression of the will of God concerning you; and thus receive your day piece by piece from Him who remembers you need strength for every piece.

Often, when you have almost fainted in spirit the thought comes 'What if...' Put it far from you! It is a faithless thought! If you need more strength, you will have it - be sure of that! Leave the future in His hands, the hands who will be sure to do the best - the very best! -for you." - Priscilla Maurice

Thanks for the quote, Kristen!

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More on Selah's birthday

I am slowly working through all my pictures from the last couple of weeks. Last night I put together a little video since I had a good many from Selah's birthday celebration.

Selah's 4th birthday from Heather Castro on Vimeo.

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Homeschool

In just a few days Mckenna will be finishing up Kindergarten. I can't believe it...it seems like just yesterday we sent her off on her first day and I cried. She has had a wonderful year at Covenant Life School!

Next year she will be in first grade and we have decided to homeschool her, as well as do some things with Selah for preschool. I am so looking forward to having more time with Mckenna and, yes, learning with her. The past week, I have spent every spare moment doing research on curriculum and reading a ton, late into the evening, trying to wrap my puny brain around all the different options out there. Thankfully, I have some dear and experienced friends who have wisely guided me in this endeavor, so the job has been much easier than it could have been.

I've made some key decisions, but still need to decide on a Phonics program.

I have so many pictures from Selah's birthday and our time up at Williamsport with the Ploons and Mark's family. Hope to go through them soon to share.

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Happy Birthday, Selah!

Yesterday, June 3, was Selah Grace's 4th Birthday. It was a flurry of activity, from the moment we awoke until I put my head down on the pillow near midnight. And today we are getting ready for a party (Luau theme!) this evening. Simple but fun (I hope). So, while I have a few minutes here, just wanted to say what an immense joy this little girl has been and continues to be to our family. I can't imagine life without her. She has brought so much happiness to our home. I love you, sweet girl! Happy, happy birthday to you!

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Precious moment

...when Mckenna asked me today if she could use her money to go buy a birthday present for Selah. So, out we went tonight with all her 21 quarters and got Selah a very fine gift. Personally I think she'll love it and Mckenna could not be more excited for tomorrow to come so she can wrap it all up.

How I love my girls and, despite how exhausting this season is, seem to love and enjoy them more and more every day.

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Memorial day parade

A wonderful family day! Dave was gone all last week, so it was great to enjoy the day together. We headed to the hometown parade in Old Town Rockville, had lunch and ended the afternoon running in the water fountains. The girls had a blast.


Watching the parade...




The girls will probably tell you that their favorite part of the parade is the candy!

Addie was such a trooper. She's such a great baby!

Fun in the water...

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Our find of the day...

of the month, really! As Selah, Addie and I were driving home from dropping Mckenna off at school, we pulled on our street to find this little guy. He was sitting in the middle of our street. We rescued him and enjoyed him for a few hours...until he escaped from the box. So, unfortuntely Mckenna did not get to see him. But Selah THOROUGHLY enjoyed him. She named him Spot Honey. He was really cute!

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Adelyn and allergies

It's been quite some time since I updated on our little bitsy girl. Thanks to everyone who has emailed and called, especially after her last appointment, checking in and asking about her. I know I have not been able to respond on all of them, so wanted to post a bit on her.

First, she is doing well! Growing like a weed is an understatement for her. We joke that her rolls have rolls! I'm so grateful that she is healthy and growing.

Her appointment with the allergist went well. Loved the doctor. They could not test her skin because as the nurse got ready to, her whole body broke out in hives. So, there was not a spot to test. After that they sent us off to the lab, which was pretty dramatic for both of us. They had to try in 3 places and literally went digging for a vein. When it was all over, blood was over both of us, and I was a bit shaky...and melted in tears when I walked out.

I got a call about 5 days later to hear that they were not able to test for everything because the lab did not draw enough blood. BUT, we did find out that she is allergic to peanuts. Supposedly she is not to egg, milk, and gluten. They were not able to determine a number of other things such as wheat, tree nuts, soy, etc. The doctor suggested that I slowly introduce some of the things that she tested negative to. So far I've tried egg and she seems to be ok with that. I have tried some gluten foods, but very little as I try to stay away from too much for my sake as well. But she seems to be ok. I have not yet brought back dairy because I'm nervous about that one. I think I'll stay off of it for some time still.

My strict diet seems to have also helped with her poop issues. And some of her skin on her head still has consistently been better. However, other parts of her body are the same or worse. Her skin still continues to break out and sometimes pretty bad, with the oozing blisters. I can tell it really bothers her at times, but she continues to be a happy baby.

We continue to try various things (all the time). Her bath routine changes almost every week as does the things I use on her skin. I recently contacted a naturopathic doctor that I have used for years and she prescribed some herbs for me to take and some herbal ointment to put on Addie's skin. We'll be using that for a few weeks to see if that helps.

I am supposed to go in for more testing this Thursday, but I might chicken out! I have heard that testing can not always be conclusive and sometimes be false positives and negatives. I just hate to put her through that again. We'll see if I end up there or not. My dear sister cleared her schedule and got a sitter without me even knowing, so she could come with me for moral support. It would be nice to know, though, or have an idea of what she tests positive and negative for so I have a better idea of how to guide my diet.

I do have to say that all these issues are so minor. Addie is doing well and I'm so grateful for that. She is an amazing baby and I could not be enjoying her more. How grateful I am for this little gift to our family.

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She still loves bugs!

Although she can sometimes seem fickle when it comes to bugs, I'm convinced that Selah is still fascinated by them. Today I was out weeding in the garden beds and I found just about the biggest beetle I have ever seen. I literally heard something in the mulch and turned to find him crawling around. He was actually very pretty, decked out in an almost irredescent green. I went to get Selah and she loved it! We put him in a jar until Mckenna came home from school. Then Selah wanted to let it go because she announced that he would be happier. I'm sure she was right!

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An adventure in the bathtub

If you are a mom who loves cleanliness, I'll advise you not to read on! I would usually put myself in the "love clean" category, and while I do, cleanliness has taken on a whole new meaning for me with having 3 kids in the house. This is to my sister's delight (in a good way :). However, if your little one struggles with eczema, there is a little bit of helpful info. included below.

Because of Addie's skin problems, she requires at least one bath a day. If I was supper committed I would do 2, but that doesn't seem to happen much. I have found eczema responds better with more frequent "moisture baths," as I call them. I have tried many ways to do this, after reading about them, and by far we have found one method works best with Addie. I put in some Sweet Knee Oatmeal Cookie bath and start running warm water into her bathtub. Then in Adelyn goes! She really loves her bath, when she is not tired or hungry. I let her soak a bit, with a wash cloth on her head to help lock in the moisture. After a minute or so I add a fair amount of olive oil to the water. Then I start giving her a rub down all over, massaging her whole body with the oil water. I do this for about 5 minutes. Then out she comes, I pat her dry and finish with Sweet Knee bun glaze (I know, weird name - it's actually intended to be a diaper rash preventer, but many also use it for rashes, etc.) all over her body. If she has really bad breakouts, I'll add a little bit of hydrocortisone cream before the Bun glaze. Others have found that letting their baby soak for 10 minutes in the water and then rubbing them down with Vasoline helps. I tried this and it did moisturize, but I liked the all natural element of olive oil and, although it doesn't moisturize quite as well, her skin seems to do better with it.

So, anyway, this afternoon she desperately needed a bath. We missed last night and her skin was getting quite dry and irritated. I put her in her bath as usual and turned around to get a towel for her. I came back and added the olive oil and gently started to rub her down. I was getting tons of grins and smiles and coos. I had my hands and arms in the grease water, up to my elbows, but was loving it. A wash cloth went on her head as usual and I was massaging. I give all these details before explaining what happened next. I got her out of her tub (no rinsing), rubbed her down with Bun Glaze and then dressed her. She looked at me with happy smiles - all done! However, I then went to empty out her bathtub...as I did huge clumps of yellow mass started dumping out and I thin, "that did not look like oatmeal bath." I just stood there staring trying to figure out what was going on - quickly I realized - POOP! She had pooped in her bath. She must have done it as I got her towel from the rack....all before I proceeded to rub her down all over with that water in her tub. "GROSS," I think. For about one minute I just look down at her trying to figure out what to do next. All my girls have pooped in their baths before, so you'd think I'd be used to this. But Addie had yet to, thankfully, because her baths are so long and frequent. The tired side of me said, "Oh she'll be fine, but the mom inside said, "I've got to clean her off." My shirt as well is splattered with water. So, I clean out the big bath tub and her tub, strip her down and back in she goes. All the while Selah wakes up from the banging and is screaming. I get Addie cleaned and back out. As I'm getting olive oil to rub on her (since I didn't put it in her bath this time), the bottle slips from my hand and it goes squirting everywhere, all over the new towel and Addie. Fortunately, I catch it with my other hand. Addie looks up at me with olive oil streaming down her face and gives me this completely confused look, as if to say, "what is going on here?" She is now dressed and everything from before goes in the hamper. I run to get Selah and she comes to the bathroom as I finish up. But as I dump the bath water out, MORE POOP comes out. "What???" Then it dawned on me...there is a little plastic seat in her tub, attached to the bottom. The poop was stuck underneath and coming out every time I rinsed water through the tub. Super gross! Again I realize she was sitting in poopy water. But by this time, I'm too tired. As I take the plastic out it's...well, really disgusting (I'll spare you of details). While I'm doing this, Selah is behind me on the potty, crying cause there is no toilet paper. I turn to try to give her some and accidentally tip Addie's bathtub full of water in the wrong direction dousing Selah with a load of water, including blanket (disastrous!). Thankfully, Addie is spared. So, Selah is screaming, Addie is confused, and I'm actually laughing as I think, "I've got to put this on the blog to always remember!"

Now, Selah is calmed down and Addie is happy in her chair. Maybe not entirely clean but let's not think about that!

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Tired

Yes, some of the most tired days of my life have been just recently. You know you're tired when:

*You're driving down the road wondering where you are supposed to be and if you're on the right side of the road.
*You are looking your child right in the face, and can't remember what in the world her name is...for a good 5 seconds. Or... *Someone stops to comment on your baby and asks what her name is...and you stumble over your words, making funny noises, desperately trying to remember (yes that happened!).
*You sleep through the alarm and wake up to your 3 year old telling you that she has to go potty and, looking at the clock, realize you have 10 minutes to get your Kingergartener up, dressed, fed and out the door. (We did make it!)
*Your yard starts to look like something out of the wild west...have no energy to get out and pull the gazillion weeds sprouting up all over and plant flowers.

My sister and I get together sometimes and laugh as we compare stories. Hands down she has me beat on the number and severity in her stories, not to mention the humor. But nonetheless, it's amazing what our brains do when they are running on little sleep!

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More to come on the topic of grieving

Everywhere I look these days, I see friends who are walking through severe trials and suffering. I have been thinking a lot lately about how to care for them, how to best serve those who are carrying heavy burdens. My heart is so burdened for them and I can feel especially heavy as we continue to carry the loss of our sweet girl. Thus I can often feel somewhat helpless, knowing these dear friends are hurting so much, yet feeling inadequate to care as I would like to.

I know I have held off from posting thoughts, experiences, and suggestions on caring that relate to grieving. Part of that is because I know I am no expert. There are certainly those who have suffered much more than I have. I also in no way want to come across as complaining or as being ungrateful for the multitude of blessing in my life (and let me tell you, they are MANY), or to draw attention to us and what life continues to be like and the struggles that we experience, or as not being thankful for the amazing gift little Addie is to us. However, as I have considered how to serve the many I know who are grieving and suffering, I thought maybe a way to serve them is to post more on grieving. It's something that I think can be (not always) very misunderstood. It's been my experience that friends and family who surround those grieving and suffering have hearts that want to care, but often just don't know how. We are called to bear the burdens of others ("Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2). But sometimes it can be tricky to know how to do that best.

I'm not sure what this will look like, but I hope in the days to come to just jot down more thoughts and experiences and suggestions on how to care. I want to open up the lines for questions and thoughts that any of you may have for me specifically or on the topic of suffering/grieving, in general. Or if you think it would be helpful for me to answer a particular question or talk about something specific that would help others, please let me know. I am no writer and often stumble over words trying to communicate what is on my heart. But, my hope is that God will be glorified through this and that it will help serve others.

I am going to be leaning on the help of others and have already enlisted a few people in this. So, please share thoughts with me! Ask questions, make suggestions, share quotes, and offer experiences. Feel free to email me or leave a comment. Again, not sure what this will look like, but we'll see what the Lord has in the days to come.

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Addie's new toy

Adelyn has recently started playing with toys, real colorful ones. However, if she doesn't have an actual one, I love how she makes due with just her hands and feet. Put her on her back and she looks at her hands and feet as if she has seen them for the first time. I love it!

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Selah snapshots

(Heather)...Today Selah informed me, "Mom, I want to go to Hawaii." After telling her that it costs a lot of money to go there she said, "Well, a fairy could come and make us really tiny and we could go on a toy plane. That would work mom." If only it would!!!

(Dave)...Did any of you see the Esther play at CLS this year? I took both of them on a daddy/daughter date and have to admit that it was one of the best produced shows I remember seeing at the school. The girls absolutely loved it. I thought to myself (about 15 minutes into the show) that there is no way you could have gotten a boy of the same age to sit through more than 15 minutes. You will have to have seen it to appreciate this story though.

So the girls favorite characters, in this order, were Vashti and Esther. I was grateful for the intermission so that I could hear them saying Vashti's name over and over again they way they translated it. They called her "Mashy." I asked them who Mashy was and they provided me with her other name: the red girl.

The other day Selah went into her room for her pajamas and still had the blanket from her bath on her head--that kind of blanket with the little bear cub hat and ears on one corner to fit snug on her head. When I walked in she was spinning around and around with the towel anchored to her head and the towel "twirling" in front of her singing...

"...cuz I am Mashy... the great girl Mashy! ...yes I am Mashy, the great girl Mashy!"

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Grocery store adventure

Before I forget (which I do A LOT of these days) I wanted to write down something I did yesterday. Sleep deprivation makes me do very weird and forgetful things.

So, desperately needing to get out to the grocery store (and wanting to go alone to make it quick and easy) I leave about 7:30. Dave stays with 3 tired and fussy girls. By 7:30pm I am usually too tired to be good for anything these days, but given I had the time, I got out to get some food. First decision was where to go...I was almost overwhelmed with just that one decision, given the many options..Costco, H-Mart, Whole Foods... Dave had to stop and take a minute to draw me out and literally tell me where to go cause my mind couldn't process that one!

I make it to the produce aisle and start loading my cart. Next thing I know, I'm on my way to the next aisle over, grab a few things and go to the next. At this point, I look down and things look a little funny and, well, unfamiliar. I recognize the 2 things I just put in the cart, but where are my mangos...and my purse??? I quickly realized I had up and left the produce aisle with someone else's cart. Horrified I quickly make my way back over, trying to look cool, collected and eyeing things like I was trying to figure out what I needed next. I spot MY cart and nonchalantly try to take the few things out of the cart I stole and mosey on over to my cart, put them in and make a beeline out of the produce section. I didn't dare want the person's cart I stole to catch me!! Poor person though...they must have been looking all over for their cart (and there were quite a few things in it) and thought they were going crazy, while all along, I AM the one going crazy!! So sorry poor person, whoever you are!

So, that's my little adventure at the grocery store. The sad thing is I have other stories too, like leaving frozen chicken in my hot van for over 2 hours on Tuesday. Oh well. But, the fact is I know one day I will look back on this season and forget all this and just remember how cute my little Addie was and how fast the season came and went. One day she will no longer be waking up every 1-3 hours at night...and before I know it she'll be running around with all the other kids. So, while I can, may I seek to enjoy her little baby cuteness, while it lasts, however tired I may be.

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My girls

So much to say, not enough time these days. Addie's appointment with an allergist is tomorrow and I'm hoping it will give us some answers - yes, hoping and praying! Not much sleep has been happening around here for weeks now and I'm starting to do some really crazy things (more on that later).

Anyway, yesterday I realized that it had been way too long since I had gotten my girls together for some pictures. I have wanted to do something similar that I did with Alivia and the 2 oldest. A few days before Alivia passed away I had the girls outside with a chair and took some pictures of all 3 of them together. Every time I see that white chair in my house, I think of that day. So, yesterday before dinner I had about 10 minutes to spare and enough energy that I thought I could pull it off. I dragged a fun blue chair that I recently picked up at a tag sale outside and then grabbed Addie to brave the elements (literally - she breaks out all over when she is outside too long and I paid for it last night!). After she was out for a few minutes she started fussing and I realized it had been 3 hours since I fed her - but with my mind these days, it didn't even cross my mind to think about that beforehand. Oh well! When I took pictures of the older girls with Alivia, I had all their clothes coordinated, hair done and all ready. This time, I went out and called the girls from playing in the dirt - literally I did! Clothes filthy, hair all over the place and a fussy baby!

There is so much more I want to say and write, but that will come with time and hopefully a little more sleep. For now, here are my girls who I love so much!


You'll notice in a few of these pictures, Selah has her finger in Addie's mouth...trying to keep the poor girl from crying. Hey, it worked to get a few last pictures in!















I love how the older girls did some of the exact things with Adelyn that they did when holding Alivia, like kissing the top of their sweet heads.

"I'm done, mom!"

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