.The Castro Family.

My little sunshine

2012-02-07T17:17:00.004-05:00

In the midst of trying to change a diaper, telling Mckenna how to do her art homework, Addie having a fit, and instructing Selah how to get Addie some crackers, I realized that before I changed Hailey out of her 3-day old clothes, I should take some pictures of her in this adorable outfit. I'm resolved to the fact that this poor girl is just not going to have as many baby pictures of herself. But hopefully we'll manage a few. Here are some from today, before my camera decided it wouldn't take any more.

Love the lip!

Smile

2012-01-23T21:27:00.001-05:00

I love her smiling eyes.

Christmas Day

2012-01-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

Our yummy start to the day - breakfast bake, cinnamon rolls, pineapple and clementines.

The anticipation..

Dave's gift to me - warm, fuzzy slippers! Unfortunately they were so uncomfortable, I had to take them back. The search continues for a comfortable, warm and fuzzy pair of slippers. Any suggestions?

Unfortunately, my only picture of Hailey is a blur. But still a cutie, nonetheless!

Christmas Eve

2012-01-13T23:34:00.006-05:00

Christmas Eve was spent with Dave's side of the family. The girls had so much fun with their cousins, Savanna and Lily! Here are a few pictures of our time opening presents...

Exhausted from all that work!

An evening in December

2012-01-13T21:00:00.001-05:00

I didn't take nearly as many pictures around Chirstmas as I would have liked. My camera isn't working very well and my favorite lens is broken. So I don't find myself picking up my camera as much as I should. That coupled with a busy life, made for not too many pictures this Christmas. But that didn't stop Mckenna. She is always asking me to take pictures! One evening, she took my camera and went around our living room, capturing the evening...I'm so glad she did!

Mckenna figured out which stack of presents were hers...and she took a picture of them!

Notice the slipcovers off the cushions and drying on the back of the couch? Guess who got into the markers? :)

Momma enjoying a little Country Living

Mckenna handed over the camera only if Selah would take a picture of her with her gifts!

Addie's Birthday

2012-01-12T21:00:00.000-05:00

Some more photos from her special day...

Selah and I took Addie for a brisk walk and then played frisbee in the yard.

In the evening we had Kristen and Caleb over to celebrate with us. Mckenna, all on her own, got Addie dressed in a "special" outfit and wrapped up gifts for her.

Birthday black bottom cupcakes (which were NOT very good...I don't know why I try new recipes on birthdays. Everyone ate them without complaint!).

Can't believe my little girl is 2!

Our gingerbread house

2012-01-11T21:00:00.000-05:00

One December evening, while Daddy was away, the girls and I (and our friend Michelle) put together and decorated a gingerbread house. We never did get around to eating it. But it proudly decorated our kitchen island all during the holidays until it was too stale to eat. I think my candy loving girl, Selah, probably asked every night when were going to eat it. However with all the sugar they had all month, I purposed to keep this just for pleasing the eye, not the palate this year!

Mckenna's birthday celebration

2012-01-10T21:25:00.002-05:00

I'm super behind. I've had a lot of ups and downs in my little world recently and haven't gotten around to posting. But, I'm aiming to catch up, starting here with Mckenna's birthday, which conveniently landed on a Friday this year...the perfect day for a sleepover! We had our neighbors, the Brewer's, over and then in the evening for dinner. Then the Brewer girls and Anne stayed the night. It was a lot of fun and a lot of memories were made.

Here is another picture the morning of her birthday with the bag Daddy gave her...she wanted her picture in front of the the old blackboard door in our kitchen which announced, Merry Christmas!

Opening presents from her family

All the girls, on the couch, watching a movie and staying up late!

Addie is 2

2011-12-19T10:06:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was little Addie's birthday. I just can't wrap by brain around the fact that she is 2 already. This little girl is such a joy to her family and she is much loved. Addie holds a special place in all our hearts as the Lord used her life to bring us joy in the midst of much sorrow.

December 18, 2009 is still so very vivid in my mind. I remember looking at her, after just giving birth, and feeling warm tears stream down my face. I was overwhelmed that the Lord had given me another little girl. From the initial hours after Alivia died, the one thing I longed for was another little baby girl. And here she was.

Happy Birthday, Addie! We love you.

Hailey + Ty

2011-12-16T09:39:00.002-05:00

Dave took this picture while we were at my dads this past weekend for his 65th birthday. Does Hailey not look more like a Plunnecke kid than one of our kids?

Truth from Spurgeon

2011-12-15T20:29:00.005-05:00

It's been a challenging week for me on many fronts. Esther sent me the following Spurgeon quotes which were very timely...

From Morning and Evening.

April 29 - Morning

"Thou art my hope in the day of evil." — Jeremiah 17:17

The path of the Christian is not always bright with sunshine; he has his seasons of darkness and of storm. True, it is written in God's Word, "Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace;" and it is a great truth, that religion is calculated to give a man happiness below as well as bliss above; but experience tells us that if the course of the just be "As the shining light that shineth more and more unto the perfect day," yet sometimes that light is eclipsed. At certain periods clouds cover the believer's sun, and he walks in darkness and sees no light.

There are many who have rejoiced in the presence of God for a season; they have basked in the sunshine in the earlier stages of their Christian career; they have walked along the "green pastures" by the side of the "still waters," but suddenly they find the glorious sky is clouded; instead of the Land of Goshen they have to tread the sandy desert; in the place of sweet waters, they find troubled streams, bitter to their taste, and they say, "Surely, if I were a child of God, this would not happen." Oh! say not so, thou who art walking in darkness. The best of God's saints must drink the wormwood; the dearest of His children must bear the cross.

No Christian has enjoyed perpetual prosperity; no believer can always keep his harp from the willows. Perhaps the Lord allotted you at first a smooth and unclouded path, because you were weak and timid. He tempered the wind to the shorn lamb, but now that you are stronger in the spiritual life, you must enter upon the riper and rougher experience of God's full-grown children. We need winds and tempests to exercise our faith, to tear off the rotten bough of self-dependence, and to root us more firmly in Christ. The day of evil reveals to us the value of our glorious hope.

April 29 - Evening

"The Lord taketh pleasure in His people." — Psalm 149:4

How comprehensive is the love of Jesus! There is no part of His people's interests which He does not consider, and there is nothing which concerns their welfare which is not important to Him. Not merely does He think of you, believer, as an immortal being, but as a mortal being too. Do not deny it or doubt it: "The very hairs of your head are all numbered." "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in His way" It were a sad thing for us if this mantle of love did not cover all our concerns, for what mischief might be wrought to us in that part of our business which did not come under our gracious Lord's inspection!

Believer, rest assured that the heart of Jesus cares about your meaner affairs. The breadth of His tender love is such that you may resort to Him in all matters; for in all your afflictions He is afflicted, and like as a father pitieth his children, so doth He pity you. The meanest interests of all His saints are all borne upon the broad bosom of the Son of God. Oh, what a heart is His, that doth not merely comprehend the persons of His people, but comprehends also the diverse and innumerable concerns of all those persons!

Dost thou think, O Christian, that thou canst measure the love of Christ? Think of what His love has brought thee — justification, adoption, sanctification, eternal life! The riches of His goodness are unsearchable; thou shalt never be able to tell them out or even conceive them. Oh, the breadth of the love of Christ! Shall such a love as this have half our hearts? Shall it have a cold love in return? Shall Jesus' marvellous lovingkindness and tender care meet with but faint response and tardy acknowledgment? O my soul, tune thy harp to a glad song of thanksgiving! Go to thy rest rejoicing, for thou art no desolate wanderer, but a beloved child, watched over, cared for, supplied, and defended by thy Lord.

Tree hunt

2011-12-07T22:04:00.002-05:00

The Saturday after Thanksgiving we took our annual trip to Gaver's Tree farm, to search for the perfect Christmas tree. Every year seems to be memorable, usually with some mishap or another. Two years ago, Kelly and I were waddling around getting ready pop a baby out any day (and Kelly did the very next day!). Thankfully we found trees in record time. Last year it was freezing cold and we had to bundle up babies and toddlers to plow through the fields. This year the weather cooperated, but there was so much dew on the grass that everyone's feet were soaking wet...so instead of going out for lunch like we normally do, we headed home to change pants and get dry socks on.

But as always, we were able to find beautiful trees. Here are some pictures from our day...

My perfectly imperfect world

2011-12-04T10:28:00.004-05:00

This is just some musings of mine lately...

I have come to see, with each new gift of life, how imperfect life is. And because life gets more busy, there is nothing I can do about it. But I'm ok with it and am coming to embrace this perfectly imperfect life of mine. The house is a bit more messy, and those messes stick around a bit longer. Things are not done to completion or not done at all and things that are done to completion are quite imperfect because little hands have helped in it. My sister is comforted when she comes over these days and comments that my house finally looks like hers!

Here is a little example...

Our Christmas traditions started two days after Thanksgiving, when we went to cut down our tree. We put the tree up, but it wasn't touched for 3 days. In my perfect world the tree would have been decorated in a day. The girls kept asking each day why the tree wasn't decorated yet. Well, mommy just hadn't gotten around to climbing through storage to get all the boxes down. (BTW, Dave continues to work a ton these days. His job requires much of him. When he's not on travel puts in lots of hours at home. This past week I think he topped out around 65 hours. Crazy. We're hoping it levels out soon.) So, much of this kind of stuff is mommy's job these days. Which is fine, but just takes a bit longer to get done.

We finally got the lights and ornaments down and lights...did I mention lights? Then we get half the tree all strung with lights, only to find out that all the rest of the lights are broken. Another day goes by with our half lit tree. I drag all the girls out in the cold rain to go to Michaels for more lights. Fast forward a few hours, tree fully lit, but baby is screaming, and we've got a blow out diaper. The big girls beg to start decorating and I say ok. I come back about a half hour later to see ornament boxes thrown all over the living room floor and ornaments hung all over the bottom of the tree. Perfect world - we would have been able to do this as a family over hot chocolate and Christmas music and I would have been there the whole time, showing the girls how to place the ornaments evenly on the tree. I will have to say it looked a whole lot better than I would have expected. Mckenna has a pretty artistic eye. I only put on a few cause I was busy trying to collect all the boxes and paper from the floor and find matches.

That night I had to wait until baby was finally asleep and Addie in bed to even attempt to decorate. In my perfect world, I would have done this over the course of a day with the girls, carefully thinking through how I wanted to place everything. But instead, tired and wanting to get to bed, I put things up quickly. I also wanted to surprise Mckenna the next day when she woke up. However, she didn't notice and I had to point out to her that mommy finally did decorate! "Oh" she said :). It's perfectly imperfect, but all these things are reminders of the gifts of life around that take up more of my time and energy. One day these little sweet lives won't be around anymore and I'll have all the time I need to do things like this. But I know I'll completely miss the life around me and want those days back. So, I'll just do what I can cause I want to enjoy them. The years are going by way too fast. My days can be long, but the years are way too short.

In my perfect world, I'd be able to post more things like this...I have lots of thoughts, experiences and life lessons that I'd love to record more of these days, but just don't seem to have the time to do that. In my perfect world I would be more organized, have lots of pictures to show along to way of our Christmas season so far, but I don't. Life to me is perfectly imperfect. Just the way it is for everyone. I think there is a purpose in that. Actually many purposes...to quench my pride, to make me desperate and show me how much I need a perfect Savior. I've already sinned much this week against my busy girls and husband. I don't want to get caught up in all that I need (err...want) to get done and forget to live out before little watching eyes what Christmas is about...A Savior coming to save imperfect people. May the Lord help me to remember this as we'll probably get to less traditions because of a tired momma, crying babies, hungry kids, and poopy diapers. But I want to be a peaceful mom, and enjoy this season with my children and husband in this perfectly imperfect world of ours, that I love!

Btw, just to get this post typed out I've let Addie play with a tube of glue. It's perfectly smeared all over now. Off to clean that up!

Happy Birthday, Mckenna!

2011-12-02T13:57:00.002-05:00

I can't believe you're 8 years old! You've become such a help to your momma and I'm so glad I get to have you around each day. You've grown this year in seeking to look for ways to serve and love others, especially those who are sad and in need of extra love and care. I am so grateful to have you as a daughter and am so enjoying watching you grow up...I just never thought it would happen so fast!

I hope you enjoy your birthday today. We love you so very much!

Dave gave Mckenna this bag today that he had gotten on one of his business trips. Mckenna wanted to take a picture with it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T07:58:00.001-05:00

My girls

2011-11-05T09:04:00.003-05:00

If any of us were to think that I'd never have a picture of all my girls together, well think again. This is what happens when Kristen babysits for me...

Thanks, my friend!

3 years...

2011-11-02T22:09:00.003-05:00

that our sweet girl has been with Jesus.

One dear friend has faithfully driven out to the cemetery where Alivia is buried every November 2nd and left a note to her. One of the reasons I'm so encouraged by this expression of care is because it reminds me that her short life was not wasted and that God has used this trial in our lives and in the lives of so many for good. This year I was so blessed to once again see that my friend had been there earlier in the day and left pink roses with this note:

Dear Alivia,
I think about you so much. I imagine what you'd be doing right now were you here with us. I imagine you'd be enjoying your family and running around. And yet I know you are in a safer place - a place where all of us would rather be! One of the many things you taught me was that this life is short and that we have a Father who longs to be with us forever and yet we have work to do here - to be made more like Him, to look more like Him and guess what? You being with Jesus has made your parents look more and more like Him! The Lord knew that they would bring glory to Him in this life and so many of us remember you, look at them, and see Jesus in them. They are stronger, wiser, braver and more loving because of you. While today makes all of us cry, we cry with hope because of who you are with.
Missing you today, Alivia.

Our refuge and strength

2011-11-01T19:54:00.002-05:00

A friend gave me a wonderful book as a birthday gift recently that I've slowly been working through. It's called 90 Days of God's Goodness, by Randy Alcorn. It's full of daily readings on various topics related to suffering. It's a perfect read for a new mom who doesn't have a hunk of time for devos. Anyway, I opened up the book today and what I read could not have been more perfect on this eve of November 2.

"Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing'...Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord , who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Pslam 16:1-2, 5-11

"God is the source of all good things. He is our refuge. Those who recognize his presence and call upon him, those who live with a daily awareness of the eternal pleasures he has promised us, those who set the Lord always before them, in the end will not be shaken.

An unskilled truck driver who obtained his license through bribery allowed a large object to fall from his truck onto a Milwaukee freeway in front of Scott and Janet Willis's van. Their gas tank exploded, killing six of their children.

Standing before cameras and microphones, Scott Willis said:

The depth of our pain is indescribable. However, the Bible expresses our feelings that we sorrow, but not as those without hope. What gives us our firm foundation for hope are the words of God found in Scripture...Ben, Joe, Sam, Hank, Elizabeth and Peter are all with Jesus Christ. We know where they are. Our strength rests in God's Word.

Fourteen years after the tragic event, Janet told me, 'Today I have a far greater understanding of the goodness of God than I did before the accident.' This might have taken my breath away had I not already heard it from others who've also endured unspeakable suffering. At the end of our two-hour conversation, Scott Willis stated, 'I have a stronger view of God's sovereignty than ever before.'

Scott and Janet did not say that the accident itself strengthened their view of God's sovereignty. Indeed, Scott's overwhelming sense of loss initially prompted suicidal thoughts. Rather, their faith grew as they threw themselves upon God for grace to live each day. 'I turned to God for strength,' Janet said, 'because I had no strength.' She went to the Bible with a hunger for God's presence, and he met her. 'I learned about him. He made sense when nothing else made sense. If it weren't for the Lord, I would have lost my sanity.'

Is that denial? Is it wishful thinking? Or is it the real power and transforming grace of God that came in suffering? I'm convinced it was God's grace.

I asked Scott and Janet, 'What would you say to those who reject the Christian faith because they think that no plan of God - nothing at all - could possibly be worth the suffering of your children and your suffering over all these years?'

'Eternity is a long time,' Janet replied. 'It will be worth it. Our children's suffering was brief, and they have the eternal joy of being with God. We and their grandparents have suffered since. But our suffering has been small compared to our children's joy. Fourteen years is a short time compared to eternity. We'll be with them there, forever.'

La Rochefoucauld may have best captured the difference between one person's lost faith and another's deepened faith in the face of suffering: 'A great storm puts out a little fire, but it feeds a strong one.' "

A gift...

2011-10-27T14:44:00.000-05:00

from Kristen. Found the link to this video sitting in my inbox a few days ago and just cried as I watched it. Thanks, my friend! This meant a lot. More than you know.

hailey hope from Kristen Leigh on Vimeo.

My HOPE is in you

2011-10-19T19:38:00.004-05:00

Ever since naming our baby girl, Hailey HOPE, I've thought a lot about what hope is and the truth that, when rightly place in the Lord, it really does help carry us through the trials of life.

I've been listening to this song by Aaron Shust tonight. The words are packed with truth and hope.

Over the last 3 years I've come to realize that my soul needs trials and storms, although I would never choose them. I'm very quick to put my hope in this life and the things of this world. It's trials that redirect my gaze and force me to set my hope on heaven and eternity. I've seen firsthand how they work for good in my life...even the hardest of storms, although I may not fully understand them.

"My hope is in you, Lord, all the day long. I won't be shaken by drought or storm. A peace that passes understanding is my song. And I sing, my hope is in you, Lord."

Tiny toes

2011-10-13T12:00:00.003-05:00

3 weeks

2011-10-12T15:29:00.001-05:00

Loving this little life that the Lord has given us.

Hailey's first bath

2011-10-03T18:28:00.002-05:00

clean, dry, warm and happy...

1 week

2011-09-28T20:41:00.002-05:00

Happy one week, sweet baby girl!

3 years

2011-09-26T21:35:00.003-05:00

It's been 3 years since Alivia was given to us for 5 short weeks. I'll never forget the day she entered our lives. Today we celebrated her birthday, and at the same time grieved her loss. It was a day full of mixed emotions for me, like nothing I think I've ever experienced. From kissing my newborn baby's tender cheeks and being amazed at her life one moment, to then feeling the pain of missing the one that I only got to hold for such a short time...

Despite how challenging work has been for Dave, he fought hard to take today off and did! It was great to spend the day with the family. We headed out this morning to visit the cemetery. It just happened that Alivia's stone was finally installed this past weekend. The timing was perfect. It's been a very long haul for us to get this memorial stone in place. And it was so wonderful to drive up and see it siting there, in memory of our little girl.

Throughout the day a few very faithful friends stopped by with pink flowers, gifts and notes to express care. And so many emails filled our inboxes from those remembering with us. I never cease to be amazed at how many friends do remember and take the time to express their care. It just shouts the Father's love to us and helps carry the burden that we still feel from our loss.

This afternoon we took the big girls out to the mall. Since we were celebrating Alivia's birthday, but could not give gifts to her, Dave told Mckenna and Selah that he wanted to get a gift for each of them to make the day special. They rode the train around the mall, got candy from the candy store and picked out a gift. It was a great memory! My heart was very full as we drove away with their smiling faces. They were obviously very tickled by their presents and sugar highs!

We came home to my sister at the house, with a wonderful meal made. She never ceases to amaze me by her care. Then this evening we sat around the table and just chatted and then I took time to look at pictures. A sweet day...remembering.

Selah picked flowers to put on Alivia's stone...

Hailey Hope Castro

2011-09-25T14:47:00.003-05:00

We are completely in love with our new little girl. Her arrival was a bit different than any of her sisters. Here is a little of her story and some pictures too.

I had more contractions leading up to this labor than ever before. I had a few times when I woke up thinking this was it...only to get up and have the contractions taper off. This past Tuesday night I woke up after about an hour of sleep to a contraction. They proceeded to come every now and then, nothing regular and not unusual. But they did keep me up all night long. In the morning, after a few more hours of irregular but fairly strong contractions, Dave, Kelly and I went to the doctor's office. Before I knew it I was being rolled over to the hospital at almost 7cm. The big change in this story is that I did get an epidural! After going completely natural with all my other 4 labors, my doctor and nurse convinced me to give it a try. I was completely exhausted from being up all night and quite frankly just didn't want to go through transition and then the pushing (my least favorite part). And it really was the Lord that I ended up getting it.

It turned out that Hailey was facing the wrong direction. Instead of face down, she was sunny side up. The doctor told me, I would most likely have to push harder, longer and was more prone to tear. That was all I needed to hear to know that it was God's kindness that lead me to get the meds! On top of that the doctor actually turned the baby while I was pushing and, let's just say, that would have probably sent me through the roof if I hadn't had any pain relief.

I have to say it was a great experience and Dave's opinion is that it was the most peaceful delivery. There are pros and cons both ways of natural vs. meds, but this time I think the pros far outweighed the cons, hands down...just ask my husband!

We had a few names we were debating on, and as usual for us, it was the last minute that we decided. However, I knew if it was a girl I wanted the middle name to be Hope. Since Alivia, we have learned more than ever, what it means to hope in God and His promises. We have grown more in our confident expectation of God's promises and of our eternity with Him.

Here are some pictures from Hailey's birth and meeting her family for the first time...

Labor...

This is the only picture I have of my big belly...I never got around to taking a belly shot in the last few weeks. Thanks to my sister for taking all these pictures.

Meeting her sisters (Thanks to Kristen for these shots)...

Getting ready to leave the hospital...

Coming home...

Pictures from here on out might, unfortunately might be a little scarce...my camera broke the day we arrived home with Hailey. An extreme disappointment for me. But I'm sure I'll manage to borrow my sister's soon to capture some more memories.

Our Girl!

2011-09-21T17:02:00.001-05:00

Name will be announced soon!

Lemon Bread

2011-09-08T07:42:00.002-05:00

For Jerusha and Kelly....

Modesty aside, I really did forget to mention that, yes, I did get a Grand Champion big 'ole purple ribbon for a lemon bread that I made. Mckenna made some cookies and I, last minute threw this together, per my mom's suggestion. So, credit goes to her for the suggestion. I was completely surprised when Jerusha texted me a few days later to tell me it actually won Grand Champion. First, I was in such a hurry when I made it, that I set the oven to the completely wrong temperature. The bread came out looking too brown on the outside and I was convinced probably too dry on the inside. Then I put the glaze on wrong and was trying to fix that right before taking it to the fair. Anyway, for those who are interested, here is the recipe I used:

Lemon Bread

1/3 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2/3 cup milk
gated peel of 1 lemon (reserve rest of lemon for glaze)
1/4 tsp. almond extract
1 1/2 cup flour
1 tsp. baking powder

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs and beat until smooth. In small bowl, mix 2/3 cup mlk, grated lemon rind and almond extract. In another bowl, mix flour and baking powder. Alternately add flour mixture and milk mixture to butter-sugar mixture. Pour into greased bread pan and bake for 50- 60 min., until done.

Glaze

Mix 1/3 sugar, juice of 1 lemon and 1 tsp. grated lemon for glaze. It should be fairly thick but thin enough to pour on top of the warm bread when it comes out of the oven. Using a toothpick, I poked holes on top of the bread before pouring so the glaze would soak into the bread.

Enjoy!

A day at the fair

2011-09-05T19:55:00.003-05:00

I'm a bit behind here. I've been nesting like crazy these past number of weeks (err...months) and have been busy around the house getting things ready - organizing, cleaning out closets, sewing things, and scouring craigslist for last minute necessities and then painting and fixing them up. Between that and making/freezing meals, keeping up with schooling, and Dave still gone a ton, I crash at night.

Anyway, a little update on the fair. The girls and I made it on the day before it ended, a few weeks ago. It was so fun to go and see all the entries we had made and to find out the results. Everyone won ribbons and the girls could not be more thrilled. It's all about the colors to them. Never mind that it's only 6th place, it's a PINK RIBBON! And it didn't bother them that it was only an "honorable mention"....there was a ribbon on their artwork. I love that!

We enjoyed visiting the animals, seeing a few competitions and then ending our time with ice cream. This year the girls opted for ice cream over a horseback ride. I think that was Selah's sweet tooth influence!

Our last summer trip

2011-08-29T20:10:00.002-05:00

Two weeks ago the girls and I went to my dads for one last summer trip away. This week I'll be 4 weeks from my due date, so from here on out, I'll be sticking close to home until the little one arrives.

We had a great time at my dads and, of course, the girls were spoiled with a ton of fun! Our dear friends, the Coopers, were also in the area on vacation, so we got to see them one day at the beach.

Laura and her sister, Katie, each had baby girls a few months apart...Here they are:

The girls having fun...

We had a few showers while there and the girls, in between rain drops, played in the hot tub and even in the rain. Addie was content to just play with a bucket of water while the girls were in the hot tub.

A few activities have become tradition every summer when we go to dads, one of which is the Pirate Ship...

After the Pirate ship we went to dinner and Addie showed off her new found love...KETCHUP! She discovered it this summer and is quickly taking after her "K."

Selah, Addie and the bug

2011-08-26T15:30:00.000-05:00

Selah has already begun to instill in Addie her love for bugs!

Selah, Addie and the bug from Heather Castro on Vimeo.

Horse Camp

2011-08-25T21:32:00.003-05:00

Mckenna thoroughly enjoyed the horse camp she participated in a few weeks ago. It was a great experience for her and she learned a good bit. The weather that week was amazing!

The farm where she went also had kittens! They were so cute and would let you hold and cuddle them. Mckenna was in heaven. I think she's a farm girl at heart, just like her momma.

9 years!

2011-08-17T07:28:00.005-05:00

Today Dave and I celebrate our 9th year anniversary. Hard to believe the years have gone by so fast. I think this is the first year we are apart for it (tears). He is on a business trip and I'm down at my dads with the girls. Not sure when we'll get to celebrate, but hoping in the next few weeks we can before this baby arrives.

Once again this year has been full of ups and downs. But there also has been, once again, the constant theme that God is faithful, sovereign and continually drawing us close through all the trials we walk through. We have seen God's goodness in our marriage and I'm so grateful for that.

The one thing I love about Dave is that he really does seek to grow in loving me, his family and pursuing his role as a godly husband and father. This year has not been easy on him. He's been working an incredibly demanding job of constant 12-15 hour days and almost weekly travel.

Dave, I love being your wife! And I'm grateful to God for you and for the ways you seek to provide, love and cherish your family. I'm missing you today. Happy Anniversary!

Our week

2011-08-13T20:47:00.002-05:00

This past week ended up being very different than I would have thought just a few weeks ago. The plan was for Selah to go to my dad's for the week with Ty, while Mckenna participated in a horse camp. and I was going to get a lot done...or so I thought! I had a whole list of things I wanted to accomplish and tackle, many in preparation for upcoming baby's arrival and also things that I can't get done because of homeschooling most days. Obviously the Lord had other plans for me. A number of unexpected events turned the week into a roller coaster ride of emotions and happenings. Every single evening except one was full of meetings and long talks. Some bed times were well after 2am and up early the next morning. I am, once again, in a place of not understanding much, but grateful to know the One who holds it all in His hand and is sovereign over all.

In between driving Mckenna to camp (thanks, mom, for all the help with this!) and trying to keep Addie occupied and happy (she is not a happy baby without her sisters!), I was also getting things ready for the fair. Mckenna and I both entered some pictures and the girls also entered in some artwork and crafts. Mckenna wanted to enter some sugar cookies too, so somehow we managed a batch of those as well. With all the happenings of this week, I kept asking myself, "why am I doing this????" But the girls love it and it makes a memory. Next week we'll go and see how we made out. I have a feeling not as great as last year and I've been trying to prepare the girls that we don't always win!

Here are some shots of Mckenna baking her cookies...

My little baker with confectionary sugar on her nose...and a few funny faces.

Our greatest need

2011-08-05T08:01:00.003-05:00

"The deepest need that you and I have in weakness and adversity is not quick relief, but a well-grounded confidence that what is happening to us is part of the greatest purpose of God in the universe - the glorification of the grace and power of his Son - the grace and power that bore him to the cross and kept him there until the work of love was done. That's what God is building into our lives. That is the meaning of weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, calamity." - John Piper

Vacation, Part 2

2011-07-29T19:58:00.003-05:00

I finally got a chance to go through the pictures from our vacation. What a gift that time was. We left my dads on Wednesday, July 6 and drove up to Lancaster, PA. I think our GPS took us the longest way possible, but we enjoyed the drive and finally arrived that evening. The place we stayed at was an Inn that I went to with my mom and Grammy years ago. It's called Penn Valley Inn and it could not have been more perfect for our family. It was a little cottage off of the main farm house and had everything we needed - full kitchen, living area, and a staircase that led to a separate loft with a bathroom that slept all of us. The owner of the farm lived in a house just up the street and rented the actual farm out to an amish family. Here are some pictures from around the farm.

I was in garden envy! This young amish family had an amazing garden outside the farm house. I walked through it a few times and drooled over all the yummy things they had growing.

Our first full day there, we did not do much. I was really exhausted and recovering from the full days we had at my dads. The girls colored, did some crafty things, and played on the swing set that was right outside. Then, we ALL took naps!

Selah's drawing

Later that afternoon, we went to a restaurant for lunch that had a huge tree house.

The Inn we stayed at was so wonderfully peaceful and the views around us were breathtaking...true country - I love it!

The next two days we ventured out to Dutch Wonderland, an amusement park for younger kids. Two years ago we went with some friends to Hershey Park, but it was a bit much for our girls. This place was perfect! Cheaper, smaller than the bigger parks, and all the rides are catered toward those that are around around 11 and under. The girls had a blast.

Mckenna loved the bumper cars!

Selah feeding the ducks...of course, one of her favorite things that she did at the park.

On Saturday, Dave decided to stay an extra night. In fact, he said that if it wasn't for work, we would have stayed even longer. It wasn't until we had been there for a day or two, that he told me he finally felt like he was on vacation. It was sad to see our time come to an end, but we made wonderful memories and I'm so grateful for the time we had together!

A popsicle day...

2011-07-22T12:38:00.002-05:00

for sure!

Blueberries!

2011-07-12T14:59:00.004-05:00

I love this time of year! In my opinion, farm fresh blueberries are one of the best parts of summer.

We just arrived back from vacation early evening on Sunday. We hit home running yesterday with unpacking, school, grocery store, laundry, blueberry pick up (I order bulk blueberries from a farm) and getting ready for a homeschool meeting here last night for a number of ladies. And of course, I had to make some kind of blueberry treat. I found these bars online and they were delicious! Not overly sweet, so you could take in the full blueberry taste. A hit!

Blueberry Crumb Bars

Ingredients

1 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup shortening
1 egg
1/4 teaspoon salt (optional)
1 pinch ground cinnamon (optional)
4 cups fresh blueberries
1/2 cup white sugar
3 teaspoons cornstarch

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease a 9x13 inch pan.

2. In a medium bowl, stir together 1 cup sugar, 3 cups flour, and baking powder. Mix in salt and cinnamon, if desired. Use a fork or pastry cutter to blend in the shortening and egg. Dough will be crumbly. Pat half of dough into the prepared pan.

3. In another bowl, stir together the sugar and cornstarch. Gently mix in the blueberries. Sprinkle the blueberry mixture evenly over the crust. Crumble remaining dough over the berry layer.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 45 minutes, or until top is slightly brown. Cool completely before cutting into squares.

Vacation

2011-07-05T20:26:00.004-05:00

Continuing to catch up here on the past number of weeks....

As I mentioned earlier, this week, Dave was able to take some time off....well, sort of. Although he is technically "on vacation" he is still putting in a good number of hours each day to work. But we have been able to do a lot of fun things together and I'm so grateful for this time.

On Friday, we drove down to my dads, while Dave worked in the car. Because of the holiday weekend, traffic was really bad. So, the usual 3 hour drive took 4.5. But we finally arrived and Dave went to hide away to finish up the day. The girls got to playing right away. On Saturday, we went to a nearby water park, which the girls loved...

Sunday, Dad and Patti hosted a 4th of July picnic for a good number of friends they know. The girls had a blast and Addie was the star of the show and won everyone's hearts. At one point, Dave put this little white impatient in her hair. Surprisingly it stayed and she kept it there for some time...

On Monday, Dad took us out on the boat for the morning to do some fishing...

I didn't have any of Mckenna, but she was with us on the boat...maybe it's cause she was more interested in the soda and snacks than fishing. Selah actually fished the entire time and loved it!

Later that afternoon, Kelly and the boys came down. It was craziness from the get go. But the kids love being together!...

Today we took the big kids to the beach for a few hours. The kids all loved the water, despite a few knock downs by the waves.

Tomorrow Dave, the girls and I are leaving my dads. It will be sad to go cause we've had so much fun. But we are off to Lancaster for a few nights to be together as a family.

The lake

2011-07-05T20:22:00.001-05:00

Last week, spontaneously, my mom suggested we spend a day up at Greenbrier lake. It's a great summer day trip. Being so physically tired lately, I wasn't sure I was up for it (all the getting ready, packing lunches, change of clothes, towels, beach toys, etc. and then lugging them to and from the lake), but after a good night sleep I decided to go for it. It was a blast and the girls loved it, as usual.

The end of a full day.

a Big bug

2011-07-05T20:21:00.006-05:00

This summer, once again, Selah is out looking for bugs to put in her bug catcher and loving the outdoors. A few weeks ago she found this big guy. He was undoubtedly about 3-4 inches long and about 2 inches wide. It looked like something that just came out of the Amazon! She proudly kept him for about 3 days and showed him off before letting it go.

Summer Celebration

2011-07-05T20:09:00.003-05:00

I was taking some time this evening to catch up a bit on some pictures from the past month and write a few posts on the blog. June seemed to come and go so fast. Dave continues to work very hard and long hours, and travel weekly. But this week he is taking off and we are thoroughly enjoying spending time together as a family. I'll share more on that later.

A few weeks ago, Mckenna participated in Summer Celebration, a summer camp at our church. This was her first year doing so and she was very excited. The theme was the Ten Commandments.

The back of her shirt says, "Love God with all that You Are"

Each day, all the kids got a new wristband with the memory verse for that day (one of the commandments). So fun!

It was a great experience and Selah is eagerly awaiting next summer when she'll be old enough to go.

Selah's birthday getaway

2011-06-17T15:34:00.003-05:00

I just had a chance today to upload our pictures from our weekend away. Overall, it was a very short, but fun trip. We pulled into Ocean City about 2:30 on Friday. Dave took off to finish up a phone call for work and I was left to try to figure out what to do with all our luggage, fussy girls and a room not ready yet. We went off to the grocery store to get a few things and by the time we were back, got into our room. After getting Addie down for a nap, the girls and I headed to the beach for about an hour, where they collected shells and played at the edge of the water.

Right after we got back to our room, Selah was complaining of being freezing cold. Now, it was pretty chilly on the beach. I'm surprised the girls lasted as long as they did and even touched the water, but after a warm bath and still shivering, she put herself to bed on the couch and fell asleep. It's then we realized she had a fever. A little bit later, she threw up all over! Poor girl. She didn't even get to eat her cake. But we sat on the couch and watched a movie together.

By the morning she was chipper again, but not quite 100%. However, that didn't stop her from taking a trip to the pool with dad, while I packed up all our stuff. After checking out we all headed to the water again for a bit.

Someone offered to take our picture, so we managed to get a family shot!

Then we headed over to Pop-Pop and Grandma's for our last night. Before leaving the next day, we finally got to celebrate with cake and open some gifts from Pop-pop and Grandma.

Preschool finale!

2011-06-09T15:25:00.002-05:00

Selah participated in an informal preschool this year with some other little ones. A very ambitious friend, Debbie Partlow (known to the kids as Ms. Debbie!) took on the role to teach all of them two times a week. Selah really came along in many areas.

Recently we celebrated the end of the year by making the trek down to Wheaton Regional for a picnic. However, none of us knew the park was under construction so all, but two swings were closed down. But we did make use of the carousel and the train, which the kids loved.

I can't believe this school year is over. A number of days ago I cleaned out our school cabinet, put away last year's books and curriculum and started organizing for this upcoming year, which we have already started. I remember thinking last August, that I never thought I would make it through some of those books...and here we are done. Hard to believe I now have a 2nd grader and Kindergartener! I'm hoping to make some good progress over the next few months before the baby comes. So, yes that means schooling over the summer. But the girls know they will have a nice LONG break once baby arrives. Here are some photos from the picnic.

Loaded up for the train ride

I sat next to Mckenna and here's a close up

Selah's preschool class...trying to keep their eyes open from the sun.

Happy Birthday, Selah Grace!

2011-06-03T06:50:00.003-05:00

Today is Selah's 5th Birthday...and we're packing up to go on a little trip for her. Selah absolutely loves hotels with pools and that is where we are off to. All of Dave's travel is paying off this weekend as we are able to use his hotel points for a one night stay at the beach. She is excited and I hope it will be a lasting memory for her! This will be short cause I've got a ton to do to leave in an hour, but just wanted to say,

"Happy Birthday, little one! I'm so grateful for the past 5 years of your life. You have brought your family so much joy and laughter. We love you a tons and bunches!"

Favorite things

2011-06-01T20:34:00.002-05:00

Two of Addie's favorite things these days...the cell phone and being rocked by Selah. Love it!

Baby #5 update

2011-05-30T15:23:00.003-05:00

After a few have asked, I thought I would update on how baby #5 is coming along. I've only had a few doctor appointments during this pregnancy. Life has been full and I probably have not made as many as I should have so far. But I did have a sonogram last week and am coming up on 23 weeks in a few days. I was told baby looks great, but I was NOT told what we are having!! We've decided to be surprised this time. Dave's opinion is that you are always surprised...you just decide if it's at 20 weeks or 40. Very true, but since I've always wanted to wait to the end and have that moment of excitement after all the work, he's gladly decided to wait it out with me. However, September is approaching very fast around here...hard to believe I've only got about 17 or less weeks to go.

End of year Farm Class picnic

2011-05-28T20:09:00.004-05:00

Finally some pictures to share. We have been working hard the past few months to finish up 1st grade for Mckenna so we could jump right into 2nd and K for Selah. My goal is to get half way through this next year BEFORE baby #5 comes (sometime the end of September)...we'll see if I make it. But we've started at a slow pace and Mckenna is now telling everyone she's in 2nd grade!

Anyway, one of the highlights of her 1st grade year was the farm class she participated in. It's hard to believe its over already. The last day was this past Tuesday and was celebrated by a picnic and little ceremony honoring each student. Siblings and parents were included, so Kelly and I showed up with all ours in tow...minus Addie. I got to leave her home. The day was concluded by playtime in the creek and all the kids came out soaked! But they had a blast.

Why grammar scares me

2011-05-17T20:44:00.002-05:00

In my planning for next year's homeschool year (which we are supposed to have already started because of baby #5 coming in September) I came across this funny video. It hit home with me because the one thing that scares me the most about homeschooling is GRAMMAR! Actually, anything related to Language Arts scares me and if there is one area of schooling that I'm afraid I will mess up my girls, it's this one.

Update {and a good read}

2011-05-11T20:24:00.000-05:00

I only have a few moments before I need to hit the sack. I've had to be very disciplined lately to get to bed fairly soon after I get the girls tucked in. That's mainly so that I have the energy to go strong and hard the next day especially since I'm starting to feel big and pregnant and very tired. I just asked my sister the other day, "where's that high energy 2nd trimester rush I'm supposed to get???" And that's why it's, once again, been quiet on the blog.

Dave has been gone at least part of the last 7 out of 8 weeks on business trips. Work continues to be tough and demanding for him and requires a lot of his time and energy. Which obviously means more is required of me around here, and I have less time to do some of the things I used to in the evenings. But those things can wait and I'm grateful for the things the Lord is showing me in this season.

On top of that, my mom just had major surgery last Wed. She had a total knee replacement and apparently its one of the most painful surgeries you can have. It's been very tough on her and it's hard to see her in so much pain. But she's home now and is very grateful for that! But it's been extra busy around here.

I was motivated to put a quick post up because of an article a friend sent me today that made me both laugh and cry. Along with that and a quote that I received last week, I know the Lord is encouraging and teaching me in the area of parenting. One of my struggles lately (err...the past 2 1/2 years) is in this arena of mothering. Going from one trial to the next and now with Dave gone so much and needing to work a lot of weekends, it can be a temptation to think that we are not doing as much of this or that with the girls that I think we should. I can look at other families and compare their efforts with my exhausted ones lately. I can't seem to fit into one day what I want to with them and sometimes wonder if they even know any more stories in the Bible besides, Jesus died on the Cross! Anyway, with that constantly in the back of my mind, I found myself reading this article, by Kevin DeYoung, that greatly encouraged me. I laughed through most of it and cried at the end. For those of you who are also walking through a tough season and feeling inadequate lately in this area, I hope this encourages you as well. And here is the great quote I also referred to as well:

"As my children see me in the deep waters of life, being tested to my core and still holding on to my Lord and choosing to believe the best, this observation will prepare them for their own trials, which will surely come. They will know that He will guide and forgive them as they lead an imperfect but devoted life before a loving Father who has always met their mother's needs!"

(Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood.)

Easter reminder

2011-04-24T20:27:00.003-05:00

I came downstairs early this morning to a card and my favorite candy sitting on the counter, left by my wonderful husband. The past few weeks and months have had their challenges for us and I have felt weary often. This card spoke such wonderful reminders to me, and along with the rich worship at church this morning, I felt refreshed by the gospel truths today. Here are a few lines which Dave wrote:

"He is risen! Such good news for all of us. We truly need a risen, triumphant and grace dispensing Savior King.

Grateful today that He is risen because we are no longer dead in our sins but have been made alive together with Him, and hope is not going to disappoint us. Hope for sins power to be powerless, hope for Christ's righteousness to clothe us, hope for His living and active Word which we believe to penetrate and make our daughters new creations, hope that one day anxious toil will cease, there will be no more sin, pain, or suffering; all wrongs will be made right, all things will be made new 'and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.' "

When I have been at my lowest points over the last few years, facing the storms of life, it is ALWAYS and only the gospel and rich truths of the Word which restore and strengthen my weak heart. How often I turn to and look to other things to bring rest to my soul, but it's always futile. I'm grateful for Easter today, which has reminded me of our Risen Savior and the hope that He has secured for us, even amidst the fierce storms in life.

A sweet and bitter providence

2011-04-12T18:59:00.003-05:00

"Life is a winding and troubled road, switchback after switchback, and the point of biblical stories is to help us feel in our bones, not just know in our heads that God is for us in all these strange turns. The life of the godly is not a straight line to glory, it's more like a dark and seemingly unknown trail through the mountains. There are rock slides and slippery curves and hairpin turns that make you go backward in order to go forward. But along this hazardous, twisted road that doesn't let you see very far ahead, and may even make you feel like you've been lead to the edge of a cliff, God gives us encouragement and hope that all the perplexing turns in our lives are going somewhere good. Often when we think God is farthest from us or has even turned against us, the truth is that he is laying the foundation for greater happiness in our lives. God is plotting for our joy, he is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ. That is a sweet and bitter providence." - John Piper

....I'm looking forward to reading this book.

A big move

2011-04-08T15:20:00.004-05:00

One of the most monumental events of the past few months was my mom selling her home and moving in with us. She had lived in her home for almost 33 years! It's the only home I remember growing up as I was barely 2 when we moved there. So, it was bittersweet to say good bye to it. But it's been our desire since we moved to one day have mom live with us so it's exciting to see this become a reality. God was kind in that she put her house on the market in February and 3 weeks later had it completely sold and settled.

A number of weeks ago we all went over there for one last dinner and to say good bye to the house. It felt strange, but yet the same to be there. I was not feeling well that night and brought my camera. I remember sitting on the couch after dinner and the last thing I wanted to do was get up and walk around and take pictures. But I made myself do it! I didn't take many, just a few to remember the old place by.

A reason for the silence

2011-04-03T17:06:00.002-05:00

This...

little bitty baby has caused his or her mamma to be very very sick for the past few months.

I gave up blogging and much of my life on the computer (actually much of anything but the very slim basics of life) for a few months until I started to turn a corner. And we are starting to turn...but slowly. However, I can now actually manage to do some things in the evening, where before all I could do was lay on the couch with my eyes closed, hoping to keep down my dinner, until it was time to crawl upstairs and into bed.

I feel very behind in a lot of things now and trying to strategize how to catch up a bit. BUT, we are incredibly excited for this little surprise that the Lord has brought into our lives.

I'm almost 15 weeks and due on September 28...just 2 days after Alivia's birthday.

sick sick SICK

2011-02-25T16:38:00.002-05:00

We've just come off of a 4 week marathon of sicknesses in our house, ending with me. I made it through 3 weeks of caring for sick little ones and a sick husband and thought I was safe and clear...until last Saturday. I came down with a killer flu and was in bed with a fever and host of other symptoms for 4 days straight. I'm just now starting to get some energy back, but am still very weak.

So many people came to my rescue to help with the girls and bring meals and Dave was heroic when he was home.

All this to say, we are eager for spring around here!

Valentine's Day

2011-02-15T14:27:00.004-05:00

About a month ago, I put up a few little decorations for Valentine's day around the house (thank you, Target, for your $1 aisle!). It was fun and the girls always love the excuse to celebrate anything. Mckenna could not wait for her heart pancakes and was counting down the days until Valentine's day.

Well, all seemed well yesterday morning. Most sickness seemed to be at bay. I have not been feeling that great, but was able to make the promised heart-shaped blueberry pancakes. Well, shortly after breakfast Mckenna announced that she was not feeling well and quickly came down with a high fever, which Selah now has today. Mckenna was so disappointed that she was sick on Valentine's Day, the day she had been looking forward to for so long.

Last night Dave took me out for dinner and that was a sweet time. He took me to an Italian restaurant in Bethesda, Positano's. And we reminisced of our honeymoon in Italy, where we visited the little town Positanos.

Here are some pictures, which you'll notice Selah is the star in. Mckenna was laid out on the couch.

My best attempt at heart pancakes...use a little imagination!

Blueberry pancake face

The perfect storm

2011-02-09T16:12:00.002-05:00

I disappeared from the blogging world and the whole internet, really, for the past few weeks. We had a lot of unusual circumstances collide all at once around here and I have been unable to spend time blogging or taking pictures or doing much besides the absolute basics. As Dave and I talked a couple of nights ago about the last few weeks, he hit the nail on the head when he said to me, "it was kinda like the perfect storm for you." To many details and events to go into, but I'm hoping in the next few weeks to catch up a bit.

For now, thank you all for praying for Addie's surgery. It went very well. We had her post-op appointment this week and her doctor wants to keep her tube in for 3-6 months to make sure the tear duct completely opens up and stays open. She doesn't seem to mind it at all.

We lost a night or two of sleep after the surgery. She didn't respond as well as most kids do to the anesthesia. Apparently most sleep a lot, but she did just the opposite. Then she got really sick a few days after this and we lost another 3 nights of sleep. I personally think this little girls has absolutely no pain tolerance, poor thing! That combined with Dave being out of town for 2 weeks straight and good number of other circumstances, I went into survival mode around here!

I'll have to blow the dust off my camera and take some more shots in the coming days to share. Addie, as well as the other girls, seem like they've grown a ton!

Addie

2011-01-24T05:48:00.000-05:00

On a lighter note than my previous post, please pray for Addie today. We go in this morning for a minor eye surgery to unclog one of her tear ducts. It's a very uncomplicated and quick surgery, but nonetheless they do need to put her out and her momma is looking forward to it being over. We have help from my dad and step mom, who are caring for the big girls today and tomorrow so I can focus on being with Addie and caring for her. I"m sure she'll do great...she's such a happy baby!

Thinking on heaven

2011-01-24T05:31:00.005-05:00

Our past week has been full of heavy hearted moments. Our church family lost 2 very dear members. One was a father, husband, and friend named John Spiro who was in his 50's, he died of ALS. The other was a young daughter, sister and friend, named Amy Calderone just 19 years old. She passed away from a brain hemorrhage.

All week I thought about posting, but didn't really know what to say. We didn't know them well, but the past week I spend many a moment praying, some crying. One person asked me if it was hard hearing about Amy, if it brought everything back that we've been through. Yes it does, but for me I think the hardest part was just contemplating another family having to walk this road of such deep pain.

However, being at the memorial services this weekend for these dear saints, was refreshing and provoking. Dave and I left, freshly aware of the brevity of life and encouraged by the way the Lord is meeting these families and, in ways, prepared them for these trials. Both John and Amy were both so hungry for heaven. Then yesterday, Josh Harris gave a phenomenal message on death and heaven in response to this past week. I left with so many mixed emotions and also encouraged as I thought on heaven.

Please pray for these two families as, in many ways, their grief has just begun and they have long roads to walk. Pray for sustaining grace and help from the Lord and that they would physically feel His presence carrying them.

Christmas at Nani's

2011-01-15T20:50:00.002-05:00

A combo of not taking enough pictures and too few coming out well, left me with just these. But I'm grateful for them. It was a bittersweet day for me at my moms for many reasons. She is going to be selling her house very soon, the home that I spent my last 32 Christmas' at. All of my childhood memories revolve around that home and it will be hard to say good-bye to it. But, on the flip side, my mom is going to be living with us, and we are all so excited for that day to come!

Christmas morning

2011-01-14T21:58:00.003-05:00

Christmas Eve

2011-01-10T21:54:00.005-05:00

Starting Christmas Eve, here are some highlights with the Castro family...

Opa with the grandkids

Addie eating Puerto Rican plaintains

Lily Lou

Mamma and Addie

Presents...

Hearts at rest

2011-01-05T08:02:00.003-05:00

"I would like to say that my heart is at rest, but I can't.

I would like to think that I always rest in God's care, but I don't.

I would love to declare that my faith is unwavering, but it isn't.

I wish it was a fact that fear is a thing of my past, but it simply isn't.

It would be nice to know that trust's struggle is over, but it isn't.

I wish I never wanted to be my own sovereign, but I do.

I want to have unbroken rest in the hand of God's love, but I don't.

I long to face difficulty without question or doubt, but I don't.

I do not want to re-question my Father's love, but I do.

I wish I never questioned the Lord's good plan, but I do.

The struggle is better than it once was, but not done.

My rest is more consistent that it used to be, but not complete.

My heart enjoys a greater ease than in earlier days of faith, but unrest comes.

I have lived with You and seen Your care, but questions come.

I have seen You do what I could not have conceived, but still doubt.

I have been in awe of the provisions of Your grace, but anxiety comes.

I have submitted myself to Your will and way, but still rebel.

So with rest in your forgiveness and confidence in Your power, I come.

With a needy heart that craves Your help, I pray:

'Help me, Father, today to let go of my need to always understand.

Enable me to live in rest when I don't know before what will happen.

Help me to have a restful heart when opposition is great, and all is You.' "

-Paul David Tripp

Happy New Year!...and a great message

2011-01-02T22:06:00.004-05:00

We had a great *after Christmas* week around here. It was our last week off from school, so I took advantage of it and we did a lot of purging old toys, organizing the play room, organizing some drawers and closets. The big girls were both sick for a few days, so we sat around and read books and laid low. We also had Dave's whole extended family over last night for a dinner and dessert party. So a big part of last week was getting ready for that - baking, cooking, and cleaning. A great annual tradition and it was so good to see everyone.

One morning last week I listened to this message, by Josh Harris, called Teach Us To Number Our Days, which he gave at our church on Dec. 26. We had missed the message. If you didn't hear it, it's a great message with some great truths to go into the new year with. Listen to it here.

The older I get the more I realize how short this life is...probably true for all of us. And especially after losing Alivia, I was struck with such a profound awareness of how temporal our days on earth are. In this new year, I want to grow more in numbering my days, and seeking to let go of the fleeting things for the sake of those that will last for eternity. I want to pray more, I want to read God's Word more, and through that, I hope to trust more.

The Innkeeper

2010-12-25T07:52:00.002-05:00

I read this, through tears, to my girls yesterday. It's a poem written by John Piper. He dedicated it to, "...all who ever lost a child."

You can also listen to him read it here.

To all those who are hurting today, I pray that as you consider the Savior and all He came to do, it would in some way be a comfort to you...

Jake's wife would have been fifty-eight
The day that Jesus passed the gate
Of Bethlehem, and slowly walked
Toward Jacob's Inn. The people talked
With friends, and children played along
The paths, and Jesus hummed a song,
And smiled at every child he saw.

He paused with one small lass to draw
A camel in the dirt, then said,
"What's this?" The girl bent down her head
To study what the Lord had made,
Then smiled, "A camel, sir!" and laid
Her finger on the bulging back,
"It's got a hump." "Indeed it does,
And who do you believe it was
Who made this camel with his hump?"
Without a thought that this would stump
The rabbi guild and be reviled,
She said, "God did." And Jesus smiled,
"Good eyes, my child. And would that all
Jerusalem within that wall
Of yonder stone could see the signs
Of peace!" He left the lass with lines
Of simple wonder in her face,
And slowly went to find the place
Where he was born.

Folks said the inn
Had never been a place for sin,
For Jacob was a holy man.
And he and Rachel had a plan
To marry, have a child or two,
And serve the folk who traveled through,
Especially the poor who brought
Their meal and turtle-doves, and sought
A place to stay near Zion's gate.
They'd rise up early, stay up late,
To help the pilgrims go and come,
And when the place was full, to some
Especially the poorest, they would say,
"We're sorry there's no room, but stay
Now if you like out back. There's lots
Of hay and we have extra cots
That you can use. There'll be no charge.
The stable isn't very large
But Noah keeps it safe." He was
A wedding gift to Jake because
The shepherds knew he loved the dog.
"There's nothing in the decalogue,"
He used to joke, "that says a man
Can't love a dog!"

The children ran
Ahead of Jesus as he strode
Toward Jacob's Inn. The stony road
That led up to the inn was deep
With centuries of wear, and steep
At one point just before the door.
The Lord knocked once then twice before
He heard an old man's voice, "‘Round back!"
It called. So Jesus took the track
That led around the inn. The old
Man leaned back in his chair and told
The dog to never mind. "Ain't had
No one to tend the door, my lad,
For thirty years. I'm sorry for
The inconvenience to your sore
Feet. The road to Jerusalem
Is hard ain't it? Don't mind old Shem.
He's harmless like his dad. Won't bite
A Roman soldier in the night.
Sit down." And Jacob waved the stump
Of his right arm. "We're in a slump
Right now. Got lots of time to think
And talk. Come, sit and have a drink.
From Jacob's well!" he laughed. "You own
The inn?" The Lord inquired. "On loan,
You'd better say. God owns the inn."
At that the Lord knew they were kin,
And ventured on: "Do you recall
The tax when Caesar said to all
The world that each must be enrolled?"
Old Jacob winced, "Are north winds cold?
Are deserts dry? Do fishes swim
And ravens fly? I do. A grim
And awful year it was for me.
Why do you ask?" "I have a debt
To pay, and I must see how much.
Why do you say that it was such
A grim and awful year?" He raised
The stump of his right arm, "So dazed,
Young man, I didn't know I'd lost
My arm. Do you know what it cost
For me to house the Son of God?"
The old man took his cedar rod
And swept it ‘round the place: "Empty.
For thirty years alone, you see?
Old Jacob, poor old Jacob runs
It with one arm, a dog and no sons.
But I had sons . . . once. Joseph was
My firstborn. He was small because
His mother was so sick. When he
Turned three the Lord was good to me
And Rachel, and our baby Ben
Was born, the very fortnight when
The blessed family arrived.
And Rachel's gracious heart contrived
A way for them to stay—there in
That very stall. The man was thin
And tired. You look a lot like him."
But Jesus said, "Why was it grim?"

"We got a reputation here
That night. Nothing at all to fear
In that we thought. It was of God.
But in one year the slaughter squad
From Herod came. And where do you
Suppose they started? Not a clue!
We didn't have a clue what they
Had come to do. No time to pray,
No time to run, no time to get
Poor Joseph off the street and let
Him say good-bye to Ben or me
Or Rachel. Only time to see
A lifted spear smash through his spine
And chest. He stumbled to the sign
That welcomed strangers to the place,
And looked with panic at my face,
As if to ask what he had done.
Young man, you ever lost a son?"

The tears streamed down the Savior's cheek,
He shook his head, but couldn't speak.

"Before I found the breath to scream
I heard the words, a horrid dream:
‘Kill every child who's two or less.
Spare not for aught, nor make excess.
Let this one be the oldest here
And if you count your own life dear,
Let none escape.' I had no sword
No weapon in my house, but Lord,
I had my hands, and I would save
The son of my right hand . . . So brave,
O Rachel was so brave! Her hands
Were like a thousand iron bands
Around the boy. She wouldn't let
Him go and so her own back met
With every thrust and blow. I lost
My arm, my wife, my sons—the cost
For housing the Messiah here.
Why would he simply disappear
And never come to help?"

They sat
In silence. Jacob wondered at
The stranger's tears.

"I am the boy
That Herod wanted to destroy.
You gave my parents room to give
Me life, and then God let me live,
And took your wife. Ask me not why
The one should live, another die.
God's ways are high, and you will know
In time. But I have come to show
You what the Lord prepared the night
You made a place for heaven's light.
In two weeks they will crucify
My flesh. But mark this, Jacob, I
Will rise in three days from the dead,
And place my foot upon the head
Of him who has the power of death,
And I will raise with life and breath
Your wife and Ben and Joseph too
And give them, Jacob, back to you
With everything the world can store,
And you will reign for evermore."

Put your feet up

2010-12-22T10:21:00.004-05:00

Throughout this Christmas season the big girls and I have cuddled up on the couch, put our feet up and enjoyed this book by Nancy Guthrie. I'll have to say, I have probably enjoyed it the most, although Mckenna is benefitting. It's a little above Selah's head. But I have found it a great teaching tool this Christmas season and a reminder that I not only need to make room in my heart and schedule for all the busyness and things to do, but also for pausing and considering Jesus, my Savior. It has great questions and application as well as songs to sing together...which the girls love to do.

Happy Birthday, Addie!

2010-12-18T23:00:00.001-05:00

This amazing gift was given to us a year ago. Addie, we love you and are so grateful for you.

H2O | Christmas

2010-12-17T20:46:00.007-05:00

The Lord has blessed our family with wonderful memories so far this holiday season, many birthday celebrations and the blessing of being busy with much to do. However, I'm daily aware of so many who are grieving, struggling, without family, needy, and facing severe trials. Over the past few days, on a few occasions, my eyes have filled with tears as I've thought about this. I think there is a desire for our hearts, especially this time of year, to be light, cheery, carefree, there to be presents all around, parties, and laughter. But the reality is that we live in a sin-filled world, full of pain and sorrow. And during Christmastime, it can be especially felt. 2 years ago, our world was rocked. Christmastime was filled more with tears than it was all the things you think of when you think of this time of year. Somehow listening to Christmas music, decorating, baking, getting a Christmas tree, wrapping presents...all these things just didn't seem appropriate, nor did I want to do them that year.

As you enter into all the wonderful Christmas festivities, which are a great blessing and gift, also consider sharing the burdens of those you know who are struggling and grieving. Send a note, let them know you're praying for them. And tell them that they are not forgotten, nor what they are walking through. Loved ones who have been lost are especially missed and painful trials hurt even more around the holidays. In the year after we lost Alivia, I had a special friend who brought me little gifts on all the major holidays. It was a huge blessing and things like that mean so much and can help ease the deep pain.

That's it. Just a few thoughts as my heart was heavy tonight for all those who are burdened with trials and grief. I'm praying that for those experiencing pain will be comforted by the gift God sent to us, Emmanuel...He is, God with us.

Mckenna's party

2010-12-14T17:27:00.003-05:00

I'm jumping around on birthdays here...a few more pictures to share from Mckenna's big day. Her actual birthday was packed with fun things. We started the day going to Pistachio's (a small hometown cafe that we love) for bagels and hot chocolate. Kel, Larsen, June and Wyatt joined us. Dave was out of town all that week, so later that evening my mom took us out to dinner. And then we met up with Kel and June at the mall to get Mckenna's ears pierced. It was what she wanted for her birthday! To see the event, go to my sister's blog, where she posted a video. I think deciding on which fake diamond earrings to choose was harder than actually getting the piercing!

Then the following evening, she had a few friends over for a slumber party. It was homemade chicken fingers for dinner, with an array of dipping sauces to choose from and a veggie platter. Then, upon Mckenna's request, I made a Christmas tree cake to celebrate with. Later that evening Dave came up with some games that he played in the basement with them. After a movie and a bunch of chit chatting, I think they finally fell asleep close to 11pm! And up around 6am. I think they all had a blast...

And, Happy Birthday, Dad!! His birthday is today.

Happy Birthday, Dave!

2010-12-13T22:28:00.003-05:00

I'm a day late, but wanted to wish my amazing husband a very Happy Birthday. Poor Dave, I haven't even given him his gift yet, however, I did manage to get some of his friends over last night for an evening of food, foosball and football...some of his favorite things!

I feel like I am swimming in birthdays this year. With the addition of Wyatt and Addie, it just seems over the top busy, in addition of simply getting ready for Christmas. But I love celebrating life and it's a joy to have so many to celebrate with. As of now we have, Wyatt on November 30, Mckenna on December 2, Dave's grandmother on December 5, Dave on December 12, Savanna on December 13 (TODAY...Happy Birthday Savanna!), my Dad on December 14, and Addie on December 18. This year we have done something to celebrate each of these special lives, and tomorrow will have a dinner here for my dad.

Back to Dave for now...I was so grateful to celebrate another year of your life! This year you have been such a means of grace and strength to me as we have walked a tough road. I'm so thankful for you and the husband and father that you are to us. Happy Birthday!

Lights!

2010-12-10T08:14:00.002-05:00

More of Thanksgiving weekend

2010-12-09T22:22:00.003-05:00

I'm still working through my pictures of Thanksgiving weekend and birthday celebrations as we prepare for Christmas and yet more birthdays. Dave's birthday is coming up on Sunday, the 12th and then Addie's the following Saturday on the 18th. But we've already done some celebrating for Addie (more on that to come).

It's tradition in our family to go cut a tree down the weekend after Thanksgiving. This year it was freezing cold, so we all bundled up in search of the perfect tree. Here are some highlights from our time...

This tree was Selah's pick...

And Mckenna liked this one...

And here is the one we got. With a little clipping on top, she actually turned out beautiful inside, although a little rugged looking.

This is actually the first one Ty and Selah found (the tiny one between them) and were convinced would be perfect...gotta watch those two! And I'm not sure who gave Tyler that saw...

Wyatt staying warm...

Heading back with all the trees...

Lunch afterwards at Ledos!

Our Thanksgiving Day

2010-12-05T22:50:00.002-05:00

Backing up a number of days to our Thanksgiving preparations and celebration. For me, it started a number of days before Thanksgiving arrived. We had the privilege to host a number of my relatives (18 in total, including kids). It was a team effort of mother's helpers and even help from my girls when they could to get ready. The day before, on Wednesday, was by far the busiest day and I overestimated how much I could do in one day (as usual)...and of course, I am always coming up with last minute ideas to squeeze in.

I took a few pictures the night before, of my kitchen while I was making pies...most of which came out terrible...Addie was into my spice cabinet and pulled out a number of bottles and dumped their contents all over. At that point I really didn't care because she was happy and occupied as I finished up. Once in the oven she went to take a peek...

The girls helped me with the centerpiece, by searching for long twigs which I used in a vase, as well as tried to salvage some of our gourds which were on their last leg {i.e. rotting!}. They made it through the weekend. Mckenna helped me set each place setting and made each of the name tags...

I borrowed an 8 foot table, which came in so handy. I covered it with burlap (which was also a table runner on our main table) and used it as our appetizer table and later to put all the main meal food on. I've had this old window that I picked up at a tag sale about 7 years ago and...well...Dave never really liked it. I could never part with it all these years and have had it in storage. I pulled it out, roughed it up some more and used it on the appetizer table to hold the cups and paper products and silver ware...and also to say, "Happy Thanksgiving!" {by the way, I'm loving my window markers I got a few weeks back. See more about them here}.

I am not the pie maker in our family...my sister is! She is an ahhh-mazing baker. I'm not sure how many times I called her and even ran over to her house to borrow something. But, I'm happy to report that my pies did come out. I made 2 apple pies, 2 pumpkin and a cranberry cake. We also had pecan/cranberry pie {my sister}, biscotti and rice pudding {my mom}. It was quite the spread.

We had our main table set up for adults and a little table for all the cousins...and Addie and Wyatt sat next to each other in their little boosters. Here is everyone...

Appreciation

2010-12-04T14:27:00.002-05:00

We had been waiting on getting a memorial stone for Alivia as we prioritized our spend during the last year or so. Some friends and family very thoughtfully and very generously connected with us and gave toward the monument. Just wanted to take a moment to say Thank You. We are very grateful, humbled and moved by your desire to contribute. We have what we need and hope to buy one very soon.

Happy Birthday, Mckenna!

2010-12-02T17:24:00.003-05:00

Mckenna, you're 7 years old today. Wow. You're momma cannot believe it. What a gift you have been to your family and so many around you. Your joy and compassion and tenderness has served me on some of the toughest days that we have faced as a family. I'm grateful to celebrate how the Lord has made you into the big girl you are today. I love how you are quick to obey, quick to be sensitive when someone around you needs a hug and quick to pray when the Lord's help is especially needed. I cannot imagine life without you.

We have had a full day celebrating. So far, my favorite moment today has been when we both read books together on the couch, while your sisters were napping, and then cuddled up and took a little cat nap together. Precious. I love you, sweet girl!

Catching up

2010-11-30T17:23:00.003-05:00

I'm so behind and there is so much to share. We have had a flurry of activity around here and it's been a lot of fun and a reminder of all that we have to be thankful for.

This year we hosted thanksgiving at our house for close to 20 people...for 4 days! It was all week getting ready, cooking, baking, cleaning, setting things up. I thoroughly enjoyed it and we had a wonderful Thanksgiving together with our family.

I just today uploaded photos from the past few weeks. The below one I took on the day Addie turned 11 months, on November 18. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm terrible with dates, but it was right around the time she turned 11 months that she seemed so big to me. And I definitely marked November 18. Not just a little baby anymore.

Hopefully in the coming days, I'll share more of the past few weeks and Thanksgiving.

A note

2010-11-20T18:25:00.008-05:00

I meant to share this note I received awhile ago and totally forgot. I came across it today again. A dear friend sent it on November 2 to us. It made me freshly grateful for the body of believers that we joined to, who have stood by our sides and supported us over these past two years.

Thank you, Cara, for sharing your heart with us!

Dear Dave and Heather,

I had so hoped to come by your house today and get this to you as a "real letter," but it appears that is just not going to work. Please forgive the impersonal feel of an email, and know that this is nonetheless heartfelt for being digital!

Below is a copy of a journal entry I wrote a few days after Alivia’s memorial service. I hope and trust that it’s the Spirit who prompted me to share it with you today. I hope and trust He will use it to strengthen your hearts in some small way.

Alivia’s short life continues to bless me so deeply. I hope this journal entry will give you a glimpse into just one way that God has used her to magnify my awe and love for Him and my gratefulness for His Church.

Monday, 10 November 2008

“So then, you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you are also being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.” Ephesians 2:19-22

The truth of this passage struck me on Saturday at Alivia’s memorial service. As I sat in the back of the room, in the sound booth with my husband, I could see all of the dear saints gathered in that room. The Castros’ extended family on both sides, Eric and Lisa Simmons, the Stogsdill family, Erik and Jerusha, Michelle and Jon, Shawn and Dienny, Jon and Jenni, Christy and Shawn Sullivan, Jon Ward, the Hydoskis, the Kauflins, the Ricuccis, Steve Whitacre, Julie Purswell, Debbie Partlow and her mom, Kay, Josh Harris, Kenneth and Valori Maresco, C.J. and Carolyn, Mike and Janelle, the Dabbs, Solomon and Eva, the Lees, the Bangs, Mike and Sarah, Brandon and Annie, and so many, many others.

I sat there, remembering. I thought about being in care group with Dave when I first came to the church, about assisting him in care group a year or two later. I thought about sitting across from him in a greasy spoon on Redland Road and asking him how his courtship with Heather was going, seeing the grin spread across his face. I thought about sitting with Heather and Sohee in the Flower Hill Starbucks when we were all in care group together, talking about Dave and Heather’s marriage, and my brand new courtship.

I thought about Dave and Heather growing up at Covenant Life and the people in that room who knew them as children. I looked at the people around me and wondered what memories were running through their minds—the points where their lives had intersected with Dave and Heather’s lives, the bonds that drew them to come and grieve with the Castros on that day.

There was something so holy and mysterious about mourning together there. Through all of my tears, I could almost see the people as a temple, stones instead of bodies, as the Holy Spirit ministered among us. That day, in those very moments, the building was underway. God was using this terrible, awful thing, this thing that none of us ever could have foreseen or desired. He was shaping us, joining us together, making us worthy to be a dwelling for Him. Amidst all of our heavy hearts, He was there, taking separate and individual lives and binding us together with a mortar mixed of faith and sorrow.

I don’t know if Dave and Heather were able to think or feel much at all that day, but I pray that they were aware of the church gathered there behind them. A Christ-ransomed Bride, Someone—something solid and steady and real at their backs as God draws them forward, toward Him, in glory.

We are still here, at your backs--following you, supporting you as you continue to bless the One who gives and takes away. Thank you for trusting Him to lead you, even through the valley of the shadow of death. Your example gives me faith and courage.

We are praying for you--more comfort, more joy, more peace, more provision. More of Jesus!

Our little strawberry

2010-11-11T21:02:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I put a little red onesie outfit on Addie. As soon as Mckenna saw her she said, "Oh mom, she looks like a little strawberry." She could not wait to complete the outfit and kept asking me all morning if she could make Addie a little hat (my artsy girl!). As soon as she had a break in school this is what she did. And, yes, Mckenna even took the picture (with a little editing help from mom)! Here was our little strawberry for the day...

Sisters

2010-11-09T20:05:00.001-05:00

Thank You!

2010-11-06T19:59:00.005-05:00

I honestly did not know what to expect this year, in the way of how hard September 26 and November 2 would be. September 26 came and went and I got through it fine. The weeks after were hard. So many memories of having Alivia. Going to pick apples, then pumpkins and a few trips to our favorite orchard are all activities I did with her, so those trips this year were again bittersweet. Last year the pumpkin patch was in a different field, but this year it was back again in the field it was 2 years ago. As I walked along the rows, I thought about the day I carried Alivia in my baby carrier in search of pumpkins with my other big girls.

I had no expectations for this past Tuesday, November 2. I never really know how to answer the question, "what are you thinking for that day?" which my wonderful family is always faithful to ask. So, I'm grateful for my sister who makes the plans for me. She came over with lunch, and while the kids were eating threw a crock-pot dinner in. Later my mom came over as well, taking a half day of work to be with us.

There was one thing I knew I wanted to do, and that was bring my girls to the cemetery. We've been talking about it with them, particularly Mckenna, and where we put Alivia's body. She was anxious to see the place and remember her there.

Later that evening, we shared a meal with my family. At the end of the day, I reflected on it's events and thanked the Lord for how he orchestrated every moment. I could not have imagined a more perfect day!

However, theres more to this year's story. I honestly did not expect many to remember...it's just one day out of the whole year and everyone is busy. I know that I have such a hard time keeping track of what month it is, let alone what day! So to receive so many emails this week meant more than I can communicate. Not only that, but a number of people brought over flowers and stopped by. Then yesterday, we were coming home from an errand and I realized I had not checked the mail all week. The mailbox was stuffed full. I pulled into the driveway, and shuffling through it, I noticed there were quite a few cards. As I began opening them, I quickly found myself in tears. Card after card from dear friends, expressing their heart for us--that they were remembering Alivia and desired to contribute toward Alivia's headstone. We had tightened our belts and were waiting on that purchase. I was completely blown away and overwhelmed by the generosity of everyone who had given.

So, it will take me some time to try effectively thank each person. I have not even gotten through the emails. So, I just wanted to write a post, saying thanks to all our friends and family who overwhelmed us with their kindness and effectively communicated the Father's love to us this week. From the emails, to the cards, to the flowers, and the monetary gifts....Words just are so inadequate, but you all make grace so much more amazing to us. We continue to be so grateful for each of you and the way the Lord has used you in our lives in such a meaningful way.

Remembering Alivia

2010-11-02T21:39:00.003-05:00

We remembered a lot today...our little girl who graced our lives for 5 short, yet never forgotten weeks. This afternoon my other 3 girls went with me, for their first time, to see the place where Alivia was buried. It was a memorable time for me. There was much sadness in my heart today as I reflected on this day 2 years ago that altered and changed my life forever. I'm not the person I was before and never will be. That reality can be hard. The bitterness of November 2, 2008 is still so fresh and real in my mind. On the other hand, my memories of Alivia seem to dim a bit. That, too, is very difficult. Yet I grieve with much hope. And I find comfort in the fact that I'll see her again. Yes, my memories will continue to fade, but one day, my Lord will wipe away all this pain and sorrow and my joy will be complete and all sadness will be gone. The good that this trial has brought to our family is simply undeniable. We love our Savior more and we long for heaven with greater anticipation with each passing day.

God answered our prayer

2010-10-31T21:33:00.001-05:00

One morning last week, Mckenna and I were sitting at the kitchen table and I was feeding Addie. The song, Jesus Will Meet You There, by Steven Curtis Chapman was playing and this conversation took place:

Mc: Mom, what is this song about?
Me: It means when really hard things happen to us in this life, that God will help us, He will meet us...like when Alivia died. God helped us. Or when someone is really sick and the doctors say there is no medicine for them and they will die. God says He will help them (referencing the lyrics in the song).
Mc: You remember when Alivia died, I prayed? I prayed and asked God for another baby for you. I prayed so much, mom. And God gave us another baby...He gave us Bippers. God answered my prayer, mom!

With tears in my eyes, she gave me a big hug. I have recently been especially aware of the blessing of Adelyn in our lives. Sometimes it seems so surreal that we have walked through what we did, that I was pregnant again and now have another beautiful little girl. That God really did answer our prayers so quickly for another little baby girl is testament to His mercy. Never will she replace, but she has helped soothe the aching in my heart. And just yesterday I was thinking that the Lord knew how hard this past year was going to be and having this little one, has been more of a blessing than I probably am aware of or could adequately communicate. God has indeed been merciful to me.

Pumpkin patch

2010-10-28T21:01:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, our family headed up to Rockhill Orchard to pick pumpkins. Like I mentioned before, the girls were more fascinated by all the bugs and flowers than pumpkins. But there were pretty picked through. Mckenna wanted a small pumpkin and after declining a few that I thought were small, we headed to the check out store to see what was there. It was then that I realized Mckenna wanted one of those mini pumpkins (the 3" round ones). The only one pumpkin we found in the field was designated for Addie. The rest of us got ours at the store. After that, we went to one of our favorite places for lunch, Pistachios.

Overdue update

2010-10-27T20:28:00.003-05:00

I have so much to share, so much the Lord has done in our lives over the past number of months. I won't fit it all in this post, but will share as much as I can.

First, a little update on Addie that is way overdue. As of around the beginning of August Addie's rash completely disappeared. All except a very small patch on her cheek that sometimes breaks out, her rash is all gone! We could not be more grateful and it has made an immense difference in her comfort level and our schedule as well (we had to do so many baths and lotions, etc.). Thanks to all who prayed for her. We'll probably have her tested again next spring to see if her peanut allergy is gone, but other than that, she has no other known allergies and is a very happy and delightful girl.

Second is an update on Dave's job and what has transpired in the last few months. As many of you know, the past 2 years have been a real test for us financially as Dave has faced a number of challenges at the company he has given over 10 years of service to. Since Alivia's death, one difficult event after another at his work, made him question if he should look for another job elsewhere. This past spring, when we realized that we were sinking financially and could not carry on without a significant change, Dave started aggressively interviewing. The process of interviewing in sales is VERY time consuming. Dave had also recently taken a new position within his company that was incredibly demanding. He was gone almost every week. And the days he was home, he was at work early, would come home, eat dinner and then work till midnight searching for new job opportunities. It was very draining on us all. All the emotional exhaustion of not knowing what we would need to do in the upcoming days and not seeing Dave much, coupled with the physical exhaustion of a baby who continued to not sleep well made this very challenging for me. We had many discussions of where the Lord was leading...we even considered if we should sell our home. This went on for about 5 months.

So much of the past number of months is such a blur to me. If asked, I probably could not even tell you what we did over the spring and summer. We stayed home most of the time, as we were not able to fix our van which has needed thousands of dollars of work. It was so much easier for me to stay in and *just do the next thing.* Although at the same time, the demands of being an exhausted mom and not seeing Dave much was, at times, almost overwhelming for me.

After a number of upsets in the interviewing process and the drain it was taking on us all, Dave decided to give the intense interviewing a break for a number of weeks.

Then at the very end of September, Dave got an offer letter from IBM. On October 1st, I woke up late. I still remember looking at the clock and seeing 8am! Then I noticed a card sitting there...a birthday card. I literally had totally forgotten that it was my birthday. Dave had let me sleep in and it was the start of a day that was to be one of the most refreshing days I had had in such a long time. All morning Dave was in his office, wrestling with the offer letter and talking with people at his current company. He was getting tons of counsel from many sources. Around 1pm, Dave took care of the girls so I could go out to lunch with one of my dearest friends, Julie P. It had been so very long since we had just sat and talked...I shared so much with her about the past 2 years, these past months and all the Lord was doing in my heart. My soul was so encouraged from that time. I came home to find out that Dave had, indeed, accepted the offer with IBM!!! That night, Dave arranged a sitter and he took me to The Black Market Bistro (thanks to the Scheffersteins who gave us a gift card there last Christmas). We had a sweet time fellowshipping and rejoicing in the provision of the Lord in this job! Being able to get out 2 times in one day, spend time with 2 of my favorite people and to be so refreshed meant more than I have words for. It was a birthday I'll never forget.

And that leads me to today...the first day of Dave's new job at IBM. He is currently in New York as I write in training. It's a monumental day for all of us. I know there are many hurtles still for us, but we could not be more grateful to the Lord for this job and all the ways he has provided for us over the past months.

The other day Dave and I were chatting and considering this last year of our lives. He was looking over the numbers in our finances and commenting that the Lord has so carried us during this challenging season financially. When I consider it and look at the numbers it just doesn't make sense how we've done it. It's been hard, yes, but in looking back this season just speaks of God's provision and promises to me. Honestly, one of the hardest part of trials for me is just the pain. I don't think I often doubt God's goodness or why this or that is happening. but it's hard for me simply because it just hurts so much....losing our baby girl, and seeing the ripple effect and further hardship and pain it has brought to other areas of our lives. But, provision and needs - COMPLETELY MET! Yes, we still have a broken van, etc. but we have not missed a meal, our closets have clothes, and we have a roof over our head...and even in my hurt and emotional needs - He always seems to meet me in the toughest times. I hate that it hurts so much...the pain is overwhelming and lonely at times. But my fears are put to shame when I see the faithfulness of my Lord.

One final word to my husband. I hope he gets to read this tonight before he goes to bed - Dave, you are my hero! I am just amazed at the grace of God in your life and how you have cared for your family during these past months...yes, 2 years now. You have led us, and directed me back to our Savior, the One who is able to meet my every need, and you have encouraged my heart when I was tired and weary...more so than ever before in my life. Thank you for working so incredibly hard for your wife and girlies, doing so with joy, and fitting in time for us. Thanks also for taking this past week off. It has been a long whole year since you have been able to take a week off from work and the girls and I absolutely loved having you around the house... and going to lunch and the pumpkin patch! We love you so much!

Flowers...

2010-10-26T21:36:00.003-05:00

from the pumpkin patch. My girls were more interested in flowers and bugs than pumpkins! More to come later from our trip to the patch!

It was a beautiful fall day and the wind was blowing.

\

Monumental moments

2010-10-20T20:42:00.003-05:00

This past Sunday we dedicated Adelyn Alivia to the Lord at our church. It was a moment full of very mixed emotions for me. Ever since losing Alivia, baby dedications at our church have been extremely hard for me. Yes I rejoice with all the parents very much, but it's also a bittersweet moment where the wound in my heart is more deeply felt. So, as we stood on Sunday, I was remembering our little girl who is no longer with us, but also giving thanks for the amazing gift that little Addie is. I don't think a day goes by where we don't comment in our home, how much we love her, how cute she is, what a perfect baby God gave us, or how we can't imagine life without her.

Then on Monday, Addie officially turned 10 months old. Hard to believe. Before we know it, she'll be one! In honor of her dedication, I took her outside on Sunday evening to capture of a few pictures. I could not choose a favorite, so bear with me as I post a ton :)

A flower

2010-10-13T20:34:00.002-05:00

Almost daily Selah will ask me, "mom can I pick a flower for you?" I regularly see little vases around the house with everything from weeds to grass to real flowers. I love it. Reminds me to treasure these little girls that are growing so fast. Yesterday this is what she handed me. The vase was filled with water and the little one inch stem was stuck down in, barely touching the water. Sweet girl.

What we need

2010-10-12T06:55:00.005-05:00

Read this today. It's from a book that I received for my birthday recently. The author, Nancy Guthrie, is talking about how Jesus submitted to God, even against his fleshly desires, in the garden of Gethsemane.

"Jesus knows what it feels like to bring a heartfelt, passionate prayer to God and to hear God say, in effect, 'I've got something else in mind. I have another plan. And that plan is going to involve intense suffering on your part.' Somehow it helps me to know that Jesus wrestled with God's plan for his life - and his death - even as he submitted to it, because I, too, have wrestled with God's plan for my life even as I have sought to submit to it. Maybe you have too."

Later Nancy writes...

"What we need most is not to hear God say yes to our requests. What we need is to be filled with such deep confidence in the character of our Father that when he says no, we know he is doing what is right and good for us. What we need most is the faith to trust him.

Some claim that strong faith is defined by throwing our energies into begging God for a miracle that will take away our suffering and then believing without doubting that he will do it. But faith is not measured by our ability to manipulate God to get what we want; it is measured by our willingness to submit to what he wants.

It takes great faith to say to God, 'Even if you don't heal me or the one I love, even if you don't change my circumstances, even if you don't restore this relationship, even if you allow me to lose what is most precious to me, I will still love you and obey you and believe that you are good. And I believe that you, as my loving Father, will use everything in my life - even the hard and hurtful things - for my ultimate good and your eternal glory, because you love me.' " -Nancy Guthrie

Cherrio girl

2010-10-11T16:42:00.002-05:00

This little girl loves her cherrios. She's been sick lately and refusing to eat, but put cherrios on her tray and she inhales them!

H2O | questions

2010-10-10T21:39:00.005-05:00

My sister sent the following article to me, mentioning that the writer (Frank James who lost a close brother) articulated so many of her own thoughts and questions that she has been unable to. It's a very honest and open look into the emotions and questions that can accompany grief. Particularly, where was God and why did He allow this? It's very well done and was encouraging to read. I can so relate to this following statement:

"Grief is a relentless predator. Those who have lost loved ones tell me that one never completely escapes it. Strangely, a part of me does not want the grief to stop, because the grief itself is a connection to Kelly (his brother). Yet another part of me is so weary from carrying the burden of a broken heart."

Read the full article here.

Toilet paper pumpkins

2010-10-09T09:51:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we made these very simple and easy pumpkins. They look great and make great fall decorations. It was something both my girls could do easily with just a little help from mom stuffing in the newspaper and fabric. All you need is:

Toilet paper rolls (one for each pumpkin)
Newspaper (one sheet per pumpkin)
Fabric fat quarters
Twigs
Ribbon

Lay each piece of fabric down, covered by one piece of newspaper. Put your TP roll in the center. Then stuff the paper in the hole working around in a circle.

Then do the same with the fabric.

Next, take a twig and stick it down into the center. And finally tie a bow around the twig. Voila!

Mckenna does not like bows at all and, of course would not even entertain the thought of adding one to hers. So, she cut out a butterfly to add...

Fall Festival

2010-10-04T21:45:00.004-05:00

On Saturday, we all went as a family to the Back-in-Time Fall Festival at the Agricultural Farm. What a great time we had. It was the perfect fall day and the girls had a blast. They learned about the ways of doing many different things years ago and had lots of hands activities to participate in. With Dave so busy with work for so long and weekends being catch up days, we really have not had opportunity to do too much all together, so this was a treat.

Tinsmithing

Gardening

Grinding corn

Laundry

Steam tractor

Little Miss Addie enjoying the afternoon

Story time

2010-09-29T21:58:00.002-05:00

I literally only got one shot of this cuteness! We were taking a little break during school, when I hear Mckenna reading one of the little picture books to Addie. By the time I got my camera and took my first shot, Addie had turned around, saw me and that was it. It was a horrible picture, blurry and all, but we captured a memory I don't want to forget!

The Lowes

2010-09-28T19:09:00.003-05:00

Please pray for our dear friends the Lowes. Matt and Helen are 2 of the most godly people you will meet and have been walking through a severe trial for many years. Matt has a brain tumor and has undergone 4 surgeries so far for it. Starting on Thursday evening, he has been experiencing one seizure after another, and doctors have not been able to stop them and do not know what is causing them. Please pray for them.

Ouch!

2010-09-27T20:58:00.003-05:00

Last week Addie took a bit of a fall...err, I dropped her. BUT, I was actually trying to protect her! As with everyone else in Maryland, we have been infested with the not so likeable stink bugs. Dave had just told me Wednesday evening that they do bite and it stings!

With the warm weather last week, they were out and flying everywhere. At one point on Thursday afternoon, we needed to go to the store and so I started to gather everyone up. I was carrying out Addie to the van, when I saw one flying right toward her in my arms. All I could think was, "Get her out of it's path, duck, do something!" In an effort to keep it from landing on her, I spun around, ducked and she went flying out of my arms on the driveway. I was about 2 feet above the ground, but it was a hard fall. I went running over to the Brewers in tears. Jen took her and we worked on calming her down. Dave and Jen thought she was ok. She was alert and perky after awhile, but a little later, Dave took her to the ER to get her checked out. I cried off and on this whole time, feeling like the worst mom ever! But the doctor said she was just fine and I could not have been happier when she and Dave returned home.

It was not until Saturday that I took a picture of her. She looked much better by then and the huge bump was just a bruise. I'm grateful she'll never remember it!

As for the stink bugs and my thoughts on them...that's a whole post in itself!

2 years

2010-09-26T20:26:00.004-05:00

Today marks two years since Alivia entered our lives. I awoke this morning, with vivid memories of being in labor with her and the joy of meeting her for the first time.

So many thoughts filled my mind today. At one point, I was pondering how merciful the Lord has been to us, in giving us another little girlie so quickly. Although she in no way replaces Alivia or takes the pain away, she has been an immense source of joy and her cheerful, easy, and affectionate personality is just what our family has needed in this season. The Lord has carried us and sustained us as we have walked through this most challenging trial of our lives and also the numerous other trials that have accompanied it.

I read something recently by John Piper that I love. He writes, "The deepest need that you and I have in weakness and adversity is not quick relief, but the well-grounded confidence that what is happening to us is part of the greatest purpose of God in the universe - the glorification of the grace and power of his Son - the grace and power that bore him to the cross and kept him there until the work of love was done. That's what God is building into our lives."

We have known anything, but quick relief in this trial and the others since, although that is often what I have desired. However, His grace has become more glorious to us and the Cross more magnificent in our eyes. He continues to do a great work in us.

The pain still stings greatly. And as I visited the cemetery today, tears flowed. It's often surreal, the fact that I have walked through losing a child. But it's also a comforting thought to know that one of my babies already knows the wonders of heaven...the place I long to be!

Thanks to all of you who have remembered with us today, and to everyone who continues to carry us on your hearts through your prayers. We are so grateful.

H2O | Comforting others

2010-09-18T19:41:00.004-05:00

This is probably the first and last time you will see an H2O post twice in a row here! That's because I'm linking to someone else's blog who just wrote a very helpful post on the topic of comforting others in grief. Read here.

H2O | a grieving mind

2010-09-17T21:15:00.011-05:00

After writing my previous post on reading, I realized that it might be helpful to write up something more general about all the mental challenges that accompanied grief for me (and in ways still does). From there I might touch more specifically on certain areas that fall within this.

From the moment we found Alivia's lifeless body, my mind went into shock. From that point, lasting days and weeks on end, my mind and thoughts were doing things that I had never experienced before. The mind can only process so much at one time, and my mind was totally preoccupied with processing what just happened, was it real, and a multitude of things, too many to list. On top of that, was just the utter depths of sadness and sorrow. And also that my mind was exhausted. So, that left little room for thinking through normal life stuff.

For many months, others around me had to make decisions, think through and help clarify and explain things that would have been easy for the normal person to process. I was very slow and could barely do much with my days. I remember so many times, my sister would ask me if I wanted to do a certain thing on a given day or how I wanted to go about handling something and I literally could not give her an answer. She would just make a decision for me and go with it. I honestly did not care much about certain details and was just grateful someone was helping to decide something for me. And I knew that if I needed to, I could voice a preference. But that rarely happened.

During this season, I was also extremely forgetful. In the month following Alivia's death, I forgot my dad's birthday and neglected to include Dave's brother-in-law in a surprise party for him, to name a few. I even remember being in the grocery store and not even remembering why I was there. Added to this was the sleeping meds that I was on. In the early weeks it was hard to just close my eyes at any point during the day, especially at night. Memories would flood my mind. I took something at night that knocked me out and it was a means of grace for that season. However, they started to have adverse effects. I would do things that I later did not remember doing and even left burners on and faucets running for hours. Soon after these incidents, with God's help, I started to sleep with out the use of aids. But I still was forgetful of things that I normally would not have been, simply due to the grieving.

After awhile, all of this was frustrating for me. My capacity for doing things was so minimized. It was very humbling and the Lord did use that time to show me more of Him and His strength in my weakness. He did provide for every need. Dave wonderfully led me during this time. I remember trying to go about reading friend's blogs and all they were doing. It was the holiday season. I read about and saw pictures of other moms going about normal traditions with their kids - making cookies, crafts, and gifts. It was so tempting for me. I just could not do any of that. In fact, I needed help just to make cranberry bread for neighbors for Christmas. So, Dave asked me not to read blogs for a season and to minimize how much I was reading online. This was so helpful and enabled me to concentrate on the very simple things of life - clothing and feeding the girls, getting rest, and trusting God.

One thing I was able to do and served me was typing out my thoughts, fears and ways that I saw God at work. I did this primarily on my blog. It was too hard for me to write with pen and paper. My mind was so distracted when I tried to do this and I was often left crying. Typing was was easier. And because I was so desperate for the prayers of others, this was a way for friends and family to see where I was at and where I needed prayer. I also wanted to give God glory for each day that he carried me through and for others to see that I had met my absolute greatest fear face to face, and in it, God was sustaining me. As I think back, these were the times that the Lord gave me the most clarity of thought. No, I didn't understand much of what was going on, wasn't even able to remember how to cook a meal, but the Lord enabled me to think through and wrestle with truth like never before. And fruit was born in my soul.

During this season, I remember regularly thinking about 2 Corinthians 12:9,10b, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me...For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I was so weak, mentally, physically and emotionally. But the Lord was using my weakness to strengthen my soul. And He gave me the grace sufficient for each day. There were days that my mind was so full of pain that all I could do was cry and have my little girls pray for me. And even though I could not bake with them, or cook for them, the Lord was even doing a work in their hearts. He was imparting to them a desire for heaven and a better understanding of our Savior who has rescued our souls from the curse of sin and death.

If you are walking through grief, you probably can relate to the mental challenges I've touched on and many that I've haven't even mentioned (there are many). This is so normal. Where others are offering to help, let them. In fact, let them help as much as they are willing. It's a season for you to receive care and much of it. If someone asks you about preferences or to make a decision that you just cannot make at the moment, tell them so. And ask them to make the decision for you. Also, give yourself lots of time. Your mind will slowly start to process better, but it can take a long time. God will help you.

A word to friends and family. Be very understanding and patient during these times. Your grieving friend or relative is not going to remember or be able to process much. You may not receive returned emails or phone calls, even if you are a very close friend. It will best serve your grieving friend if you don't question them or make conclusions ("she's mad at me," or "I offended her", etc.). Just know her limitations and continue to serve, think the best and pray for her. Offer services or better yet, just tell her you will be doing _________ (making a meal, cleaning their house, babysitting, etc.) and simply ask that them to tell you if it would not serve. I often found that it was more helpful for someone to tell me they were going to do something for me as opposed to asking if they could.

Math conversations

2010-09-17T10:29:00.007-05:00

School is coming along for Mckenna. Math takes the most time each day. Today was a hard day with it. She just wasn't getting some of the concepts. When we were done counting money we went to review and work on using a ruler. She's learning about measuring with inches. It was refreshing for both of us that it was coming so easy and she was getting every problem right.

Me: Good job! I think you'll be good at measuring.

Mc: I love inching! But now I need a rest from numbers.

I laughed.

popcorn picnic

2010-09-12T21:11:00.004-05:00

Days are getting shorter around here and we are soaking up the last bit of summer. we packed up some popcorn and snacks and headed to the park...